(Trigger warning) PTSD after being stabbed
Had drama today at centerlink the police ended up coming out they were extremely understanding and just issued me with a move on notice
I rang the j.......... police today to see if i could speak to the original officer who visited me in icu apparently he is going to call me tomorrow
Well i inquired about the charges and it is ongoing there is s trial comming up well im definitely not attending i coulf not care less if he was free he was out on bail before i was out of icu everyone has lied to me not that i care but how do i no he is in prison after all the lies and zero help i have received
Im selling my car paying the lady the rent i owe her applying for emergency passport if i can not get mine and im out of this country to relax piece off mind throwing phone in the bin and staying as far as i can away from this digital world we live in i dont want to no and i dont care about him. its not about him. i want to get back to sleeping dreaming off nice things i wont and will not ever look for anymore or except help or go to a hospital in this country ever again. i dont trust anyone anymore including some of my good friends who i no have not been teeling me the truth. i have already falling out with my two mates who went to the apparent sentencing date unbelievable,im not a pawn in a game off chess and do not find any humour in the way i been treated.
Im out of here never to return
Thanks for all your help
Seems like the hassles are on the up at the moment. I'm glad the cops were ok - most can be be pretty reasonable - can't say the same but courts or centerlink though
Are you sure you want to sell your wheels. A car is a last resort -a place to stay or get away, and keep things, something to carry a board. I thought from what you were saying the lady wasn't in a hurry for rent - could you pay later, getting a helping hand now?
Going overseas when not well would definitely not be my first choice - you could end up in a worse situation real easy. If you really feel you need to get away for a bit there are closer places
Why not give that on-line councilor another go? Might help.
Talking of boards, is that yours in the photo?
Take it easy - things will improve
How are you? Mate i just got back from my gp explained to him what i have been told yesterday about the psycho who stabbed me trial
I have called victoms of crime the are now emailing the dpp as i have called half dozen times and have never recieved a return phone call as promised see if i get a responce this time
All day every day my life is consumed by all this im not the type off person that can let something as life changing as this go unresolved im not a sitter never have been never will be untill the chapter of my life is resolved i will continue to do my pi work and i will get to the bottom and someone/persons are going to be held accountable its just tiring draining ( i already have my suspicion) its not good im very lucky/ unlucky to be alive.my days consist off resurching on a tiny smart phone all day eye's are really paying the price think thats why im now happy with my conclusion and there is not really any more i can find out, my identity well let me tell you this i now even find it hard to find myself when i look my name up i the one with out all the dating sites atatched to them and my company status is canceled not active and i definitely do not have a qr code attached to any company and i have never lived in watermans bay no nothing about Ashley Madison cop block or police autions sites no wounder i been getting no help my cousin been a busy little beaver the computer freak nerd from all my investigation biggest fraud and dangerous its getting closer to 100% positively him who has been the Trojan hacker this is why i need some time out all done my end case closed as far as im concerned. except for the fact i got stabbed only Twice last night and saw his face again and again really look forward to going to sleep these days to get stabbed few more times its great cant think of anything
Got offered $3000 for car today from car yard going to go to few job sites when it cools down hopping to get more around $5000 i spent that on sound system professionally installed buy Albert's car stereo then im going and not coming back i have uk passport thats what i will travel on changing my name also want to be anonymous and for my plan in the future less people no the better
Hi Croix / Mark
Im hope you can understand i am becoming overwhelmed with these flashbacks and anxiety tonight after the sun set its getting to me why i dred having to go to sleep ,seeing his face and feeling that knife why am i thinking this way today i don't no anymore confusion usuption and loss off hope starting to disstance myself even the beautiful lady i meet i feel she deserves better than a wreck like my self, my family is evil my grandfather i miss him so much thats is name in the pentagram on my sutfboard i sprayed it over Xmas when I was doing the rainbows for my good friend
I'd like you to try to understand something, its important -maybe you already know - I apologize if you do.
Mark and I have been talking to you for a fair while now and we see two Jasons. One is the real Jason, the warrior, the one who knows the system has not done right by him.
The other is Jason when he's got the PTSD making him think the wrong way. This is the Jason that thinks basically he's a waste of time, not worth much, the Jason that thinks there's no light at the end of the corridor.
That's not you. The PTSD does that, it distorts the thinking, and what you are saying today is exactly what you'd expect from someone with PTSD when it is doing the talking for them.
Neither Mark nor I would waste our time on somebody who was not worthwhile, and - in their own way - an honorable person.
You have my respect because I understand exactly what you are going though. You are getting there and surviving, trying to do your best by everybody you know on the way.
Flashbacks are horrible and so real -they do indeed make nightmares so you are afraid to sleep.
Why not give the phone councilor another go, a friendly voice might be good - and ask specifically how you get treatment. If they don't know ask them which help-line might. Keep trying til you get somewhere.
As far as I can see the most important thing for you is proper treatment, not the court case, not having your say, not going away or trying to pay back help either.
Your board looks pretty good to me in the small photo
Hang in there
Hi mark / Croix
Have not heard from you Mark for a while now i hope you doing ok.
I went for a surf this morning small but good to be in the water had a bit off a rough day woke up this morning 3am from a extremely bad flashback nightmarei didn't bother going back to sleep but as it happens i left the place im at now at first light and ended up helping a middle aged cyclists who fell off his bike gave him a lift back to his place his poor wife seamed beside her self he hit his head quite hard on his temple small but deep cut along with other abrasions elbow etc had bit off a laugh with him as it happens im drinking one off the beers he gave me. Surf was not that good so i had to come back to change towels and buy then the winds had turned in my favour got a couple small one and had time to reflect on what had just happened from the time i woke up.
Then i went out to see my friend Vince and his wife.
Tryed my hardest not to start dwelling but it seamed to get the better off me again.
Im reading this book at the moment no time for fear i bought it because of three very important words. Improvised,adapt and overcome. I read it last night chapter 12 , if you like i will explain his terminology off those three words which are having some sort off profound effect on me let me no
All the best jason
I think Mark's in the US for a holiday, that's why he's been quiet.
Sounds like another good deed. Goes back to what I said before, if you can't return a favor pass it on. Makes me feel good when it happens. Bet he (& his wife) were relived to get him back home ok. What sort of beer?
I'm please you found at least a few waves to carry you along & that Vince is doing ok - is he taking precautions, medication and no heavy work?
Yes you could explain 'Improvised, adapt and overcome'
Like just about everybody here I'm a work in progress and am always on the lookout for new helpful ideas I can try out - one day I'll be cured I guess.
Firstly hope your well my friend and thanks for getting back to me as you always do your a true champion, buy the way it was carlton dry ,not a bad drop.
Yes !!!Vince is on medication alot he showed me and very expensive he is taking things easy but i think thats not out of choice as he has no work on at the moment.
these words are the mantra of the Australian army, IMPROVISE,ADAPT ,OVERCOME.
IF YOU FIND YOURSELF STUCK IN SOME GOD-AWFUL CIRCUMSTANCE OR IOTHER, THEN IT WOULD BE UP TO YOU TO IMPROVISETO MAKE THE BEST OF THE SITUATION. IF THAT WASN'T AN OPTION, THEN YOU'D HAVE TO ADAPT. AND IF THOSE KINDS OF COMPROMISES WERE IMPOSSIBLE, THEN THE ONUS WAS ON YOU TO OVERCOME - BUY EITHER CHANGING THE SITUATION TO SUIT YOURSELF, OR GETTING THE HELL OUT ANDBUILDING A BETTER LIFE FOR YOURSELF ELSEWHERE.
THIS FELLA PAUAL de GELDER BOOK. ( NO TIME FOR FEAR). It not a bad book bit slow at firstfirst but i like his attitude (he had it tough as a youg fella) now he only has one arm and one leg , as he was attacked buy a 3 metre long bull shark whilst diving at the naval base in Sydney this guy is amazing truely unbelievable if you didnt read his story.
Have a nice day Croix. Im trying my best to keep strong and possitive alot off that i owe to yourself Mark and others thanks
Best wishes jason
Thanks for that quote, I've cut it out and put it in my own computer to think about -pretty good.
Also thanks for the phone call - I really appreciate the trouble you went to - and so will Mark when he gets back.
I hope things are going smooth for you at the moment
Hiya Jason - we haven't spoken for a while and I've just been catching up with your thread.
Geeeez you're going through it mate, but you're hanging in there and that's the main thing. You're a strong fella who feels deeply and you have every reason to be angry at the world. Yet here you are making beautiful things for children, helping your mates and caring about others. That tells me you're a good bloke.
Can I ask you if you've had any contact with non-government support services or even the main charities (such as Anglicare and Salvos). I ask because you're fighting a battle with bureaucracy that you should not have to fight alone. Community mental health bodies and some charities can offer advice and support, even advocacy services, to help you get what you're entitled to and provide ongoing support.
Now, having said that I obviously don't know what exists where you are, and maybe you have tried these things already, so I hope I don't make you cross with the suggestion. I just think if you haven't been down that path, it's worth a try, knowing of course there's no guarantees, just another avenue to try.
You've been getting great support here mate, especially from Mark and Croix, and it's no more than you deserve. We all appreciate the acknowledgement of how the forum's helping you. Thank you for telling us.
Hope you're OK today. Keep talking to us mate.