This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

WelcomeTasha

I am glad you found your way here . The elevator is a great analogy isn't it. Kazan is having a break from the forums.

How are you today? I have noticed you are already helping others here. This forum is a very friendly place.

Everyone , this is Tasha I know you will all welcome her here.

How is everyone going?

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Christmas turned out to be okay, and I felt alright for the most part, but later on and the next day I wasn’t amazing. 😞 I don’t know how I am today.

Does anyone else ever get that feeling where they look at their day/night plans or what they could do, and think, ‘okay good, that’ll get me through to tomorrow’? Like they can’t stand to be doing nothing and even if the plans aren’t really plans, it’s calming to have them? I get that a lot.

Welcome, Tasa - you’ve found a wonderful place here. (: I hope everyone is doing well.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Yes lady stardust I need to have plans and am always planning. I like to know what I am doing and to have a routine. That's why I am not too good on holidays unless I have a plan.

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

It’s a real pain sometimes, I wish I could just sort of be the kind of person who can be chill and not do much and have that not be a problem, you know?

I haven’t been feeling very good lately. Home life not amazing. I think my parents hate each other, at least a little bit. It’s toxic and tense in this house and I wish I could leave.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone how are you surviving. Are you having a break or working like

Sorry to hear you have not been feeling well lately. Lady stardust

I am guessing I am a similar age to your parents as I have adult children.

It is hard functioning in a toxic environment.

Can you explain how you feel to your parents.

Quirkyxx

I hate it when people say just relax then I just tense up and feel even worse.

Quirky

[Loula]

Hi Guys Merry Late Christmas.

OMG I'm tiered!!! Dam retail! I got back up on the rope and slowly walking thankfully. Having a few panic attacks but I seem to be able to control them.

Unfortunately I can't do deep breathing. Many doctors have tried to take me through it but slowing myself down when I'm upset actually makes me worse. Weird. The doctors are like ok and your now shaking and crying don't try that again lol!

At home I got many great distractions that help me but at work I can't start drawing or watching DVDs.

Hell yes I'm the same with planing. I have everyday planed out. My birthday ain't for 6 months and I got the dress and cake brought. I have every day organised and I have a back up plan if the day dosent go correct. Are you guys ok if the plan dosent go correct? Me I generally adapt very fast and get on with it but when the day is up then the Bipolar hits me if that makes sense?

Thats no good your in a toxic environment. Have you made your bedroom your escape zone? Decorated it? Made it yours? That helped me as I grew up in a abusive home and my room was my safe zone.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

I do plan ahead but while I worry about what will go wrong and I don't often have a plan b. If that makes sense.

Yes , I know about retail as I have my own shop but at least I am my own boss. Sometimes I have wanted to duck behind my counter have a cry then come up again, and I have done that but not for years.

My bed has always been my refuge. When I was younger and very depressed I would just stay in bed as I felt safe there.

I am assuming your birthday is a big one or maybe you plan ahead all the time. IKt is always reassuring when you know others do the same.

Quirky

[Loula]

Oh man I got plan b c and d lol! I'm an over planner. Makes me feel in control.

I love my bed to! It's my biggest safety place. That's where I need to be when I'm down. It's like a hug in a way.

Lucky you where your own boss. Yes Retail ouch.

[Lady_Stardust]

Merry Late Christmas!

quirky, my parents are in their late fifties. I’ve tried talking to my mum about it, and she said that she would try to make things calmer between the two of them, but I don’t know how well that will go. I can’t talk to dad about it, I feel like I can’t talk about anything with him. He’s pretty mentally unwell and I don’t think treated properly but not me or anyone else can get him to get reviewed or anything. It only ends in an argument. 😕

Loula, oh dear, I’m sorry to hear you can’t do deep breathing! And well done on the control of your panic attacks.

I get frustrated if the plans don’t go, well, according to plan. It upsets me and I get pretty moody. I’ll calm down sooner or later, but I don’t like plans to change or not eventuate.

I like my room and I’m generally left alone, but sometimes one of my parents will come in and it’s like, please, just leave me be. The relationship is never abusive between my parents - maybe they’re just not in love anymore. They both love me, I know that, but it’s hard. Hard situation.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Loula, the trouble with being your own boss I can be very mean. Even if I feel very tired , my boss self will say stay open for another hour at least that is your job. Do you just get the public holidays off between Christmas and New year. ?

Lady-stardust,

I am a bit older than your parents as I leave my fifties in a few weeks- how did that happen! At least on this forum I feel we are all the one age!

It is good you can talk to your mum. I am not good at handling change, I cope if I have to, but I don't like it.

Quirky