This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Yo. Pardon my obtrusive butt.

quick one.

who here pushes people away during a hypo/hyper swing?

v.

im about to ko

[Loula]

Hi Lady_Stardust no I haven't told my doctor about my hair loss. Hopefully it is just stress. I've noticed I'm shallow breathing and having mini anxiety attacks so I must be stressed.

My mum made a good point tonight that I'm not doing well with my schedule being changed and all that is that generally I'm not medicated and go mania and go go go go go go with out getting tiered until I crash hard but because I'm medicated I'm getting tired and notice stress but I shouldn't crash.

How have you been anyway?

Ho Quirkywords thank you for your kind words. The dreams are starting to slow down thankfully and I'm getting a few more hours sleep.

How have you been?

Keep at it Issi, I know it can suck but the perfect job will come. I had to try for 6 months before I got hired. It hurts but don't take it personally. I know easier said then done.

Hi Velvetfaerie yes I 100% do push people away. I don't mean to but I feel trapped by them and I don't need it but we both know we do need them. Hope your ok. If you need to talk I'm hear x

[quirkywords]

Greetings everyone,

Velvet, not an obtrusive butt, but most welcome, question.

I am not sure I push them away but I am often so rude and irritable or sarcastic that they end up leaving. Does that make sense?

I used to push people away when depressed even though I really want them around.

How are you going Velvet ? I will pop into your thread and say hi.

Loula,. Your mum makes a good point. Sometimes when need someone else to point it out.

I am glad you are getting some more sleep.

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Hey, everyone.

Issi, I understand taking time to get over the knock backs, it can be really tough, but I’m sure you’ll find something! It’s not a very good time of year for jobs, but certainly in the new year. (:

quirky, I’m okay! It’s usually busy this time of year, but not really for me, more my parents. Or mum, more specifically, hahah. But we’re having a quiet one this time so should be good. Less stress. How are you? Busy?

velvet, not obtrusive! Let me think - nah, not in my case. At least, not that I can remember. I’m usually quite social and chatty. It’s during depression that I might get into a pushing away mood and quite snappy and sensitive and just all around unpleasant.

Loula, I’m sorry to hear about your mini anxieties, that sucks. 😞 Maybe look up ways to reduce anxiety? I know that breathing from the diaphragm certainly helps. Hopefully the meds can keep you steady. I’ve been alright, just doing my volunteer gig and sort of getting through it all. Currently in bed with the aircon on because it’s a bloody hot one today.

Hopefully you’re all staying cool!

[Loula]

Aaarrrggghhhhhhh fell off!!!!!

I can feel myself cycling but my brain won't let me act out and I feel the emotions trapped in me and it's painful. Not sure if that makes sense.

Had to leave work ill due to the tablet my doctor gave me to calm me down well let's say I calmed down so much I don't remember the day.

I feel so anxious and shaky non stop and my hair is getting worse!!!! I got zero appetite and I'm just hating it.

I feel non stop on edge and racing and I'm not liking it.

[Lady_Stardust]

Here to catch you, Loula!

I think that I’ve experienced that before, so I think I understand and I’m so sorry about what you’re going through right now. Try some deep diaphragm breathing and find a quiet, safe space, somewhere that has relaxed and comforted you before. Get rid of all stimuli that could make your already overworking brain overwork even more. Deep breaths. If you can find something calming to do, like listening to relaxing music/helpful relaxation talk-throughs found on YouTube, that might help.

If you feel that you can’t eat, make sure that you at least have plenty of water. You could try something small, just a tiny snack, and work your way up - not eating won’t help at all, and it’ll make you pretty sick. Look after yourself as best you can.

[quirkywords]

Loula

I am sorry you you have fallen off. I think I have experienced something like you describe and it is unsettling.

It sounds awful. Lady has given some helpful advice.

I hope it does not last for long.

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Happy Christmas Eve to everyone, I hope we’re all doing well or better, or both really. ❤️

I’m not feeling very cheerful at the moment. Bit down, but that seems to happen Christmas Eve some years. I’m tired. Couldn’t really sleep last night. And for some reason there seems to be no Christmas movies on tonight, which is just rubbish. Pretty gloomy day weather wise, too. I feel like I may be on the brink of tears and have been for a while, now it’s just waiting to see if something will open the floodgates.

[quirkywords]

Seasons Greetings to everyone,

Lady stardust, birthdays, new year any celebration I am often a bit low and flat.

I hope that your tears are healing one.

I hope you get a break over the public holidays.

I will be around tomorrow if anyone wants to type to me.

Quirky

[Tasa83]

Hi Kaz,

That is one of the best analogies I’ve heard about BiPolar. Thank you.