This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Loula]

Do you ever feel like you have been diagnosed wrong? Like I'm watching a show and a character with Bipolar and I'm like I don't act like him. I'm feeling really well at the moment and as though I got everything in control. I don't think I need the medication anymore. I don't think I've never needed it. I think I just had a bad day. I've talked to my husband though and he's like no you have bipolar but I would know better.

[quirkywords]

Loula and everyone,

I am glad you are feeling well and feel in control. People often feel they are going well and they want to go off medications and if they do they find they go down hill as the medications were helping to keep them well.

I was in denial for years and refused to take medication because when I felt well I didn't need it but when I was depressed I was unmotivated and waited till I got well again.

If you scroll back and read some of you earlier posts you will see how you were feeling then.

If you want to vary medication you need to talk to your doctor first.

Characters of television are stereotypes so someone with bipolar would be shown doing extreme behaviours that most people with bipolar could not relate to.

It is encouraging you are feeling well but that is beacuse you have worked hard to improve your health. You reached out here and have been helping others on here.

It would be interesting to hear other people's opinion of what you have written.

Thanks Loula for your post as it raises some interesting issues.

Quirky

[Issi]

Hi I hope everyone had a pleasant Christmas and New Year. I’m feeling a little stressed I’ve changed health funds as it will be better in the long run. The transition has been a nightmare, hopefully it’s sorted out now. Sometimes I get so stressed/angry feel like throwing things. Unfortunately my husband is hopeless with things like this.

Sorry I’ve just come on had a rant and going to go

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hi Issi, and everyone,

I am sorry you feel stressed . I am thinking of dropping my health care as it is so exoensive and it wont cover me for things I want. This is a safe place to rant.

Quirky

[Issi]

Thanks quirky, it’s all sorted now. I had a lovely lady ring me back yesterday to explain things properly, without all the crap. But all the anger and frustration over a lot of things built up last night, and I lost it everything on the bathroom bench ended up all over the bathroom. Nothing broke, felt better (don’t recommend it). It wasn’t just health insurance, I just thought once I had finished the course I would find a job and sending 3 to 5 applications a week and getting know where.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Everyone

Issi, I think it is the build up of things that make the angry outbursts. One thing by itself we can cope with but add another one or two and it wears us down.

Applying for a job week in week out especially after finishing your course must be frustrating for you.

Take care

Quirky

[Issi]

Hi

I’m meant to be going for tms treatment tomorrow, only to be told the ward I’ve always been in isn’t open at the moment. So I’ve been very anxious, didn’t sleep last night, feel like being sick. I wish they had have told me earlier in day not 4pm so I could reschedule for next week. It’s just different staff and the ward is busier.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Loula , just wondering this week has been for you and how you are feeling?

Issi,

that is frustrating for you. So when can you have the treatment now?

Quirky

[Lady_Stardust]

Hey, everyone. It sounds like a frustrating time has been going on and I’m sorry to hear it. 😞 Issi, I hope everything has been sorted and you’re feeling calmer. Doctors are really bad when it comes to telling you what’s going on, and it’s really annoying. Understand about the job applications, too. Please just hang in there, okay?

Loula, I think everyone feels like that sometimes, with any kind of diagnosis. Sometimes I think so, like I think maybe I’m just making it all up and there’s nothing wrong with me, like I want attention or something. I don’t know. Agreed with quirky on the exaggerations of characters, I don’t reckon they’re the best to hold up against yourself in comparison. They’re fiction, after all, and the way they’re portrayed is made to be ‘entertaining’, you know?

quirky, I hope you’ve been doing well?

I’ve been okay so far. Just feeling a little stressed right now. Maybe it’s the heat that’s been bothering me all day and probably also bad sleep patterns and a lack of things to do. I still don’t like living here at home. I just want to leave. I hate this place. I can’t wait to be able to drive - I’m getting there slowly. Once I get my license, maybe I’ll just drive and drive and keep on driving.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

How are you coping with the heat?

Heat I can handle not humidity.

Star -dust, I am glad you are learning to drive. I never did, I failed the ets twice, tried to learn at various ages, then at 50 gave up. I just was o scared and uncoordinated. It old have made my life easier but it was not to be.

Loula, I hope you are coping with work and he heat. Are your routines back to normal yet?

Do people enjoy holidays? Tis is a busy time in my shop but I find holidays hard for me as I have no routine. If people tell me to relax , I want to shout I am relaxed as this is as relaxed as I get!! Can anyone relate?

Quirky