This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

She wasn't always like that to be fair to her. It's like getting married is some kind of way to elevate status. She should have chosen more wisely if that's the case lol.

She's the last one in my extended circle who needs to go, unless it's a huge misunderstanding and we can meet half way and move on. I know she is dealing with and has dealt with a massive pile of stuff no one should have to deal with, but don't take it out on others.

She slanders her sister and besty from pillar to post.... besty because besty didn't put her first. They haven't spoken in a long time. Her partners daughter was removed from the bridal party for acting like a typical teenager. Oh there is more red flags but... won't bore you guys.

Given how badly she speaks of others... I can only imagine how bad I'm spoken of. Whatever.

Once I get some guts and a good way to word an approach... (your input was a good start).... I'll get onto it. She deserves a wedding day that is smooth. Lord knows I'm probably the least of her worries there. Her adult kids will tip it up.

[wail]

When the night has come and the land is dark

And the moon is the only light we'll see

No, I wont be afraid, Oh I won't be afraid

Just as long as you stand, stand by me...

Regards to Asdff, the point blank approach is a nice one and compassion to Velvet.

Agreed, honesty in friendship is valuable and so is charity. It would be a massive act of charity if the bridezilla stuff was overlooked, so that you can represent your own awesomeness, on her special day.

Just putting it out there! and enjoy reading what others think. Cheers M

[quirkywords]

Velvet you have such a big heart and am so caring. it is hard when a friend treats you sa badly but you still care about her feelings.
I too like Asdff’s idea to open up a conversation.
V as long as you care for yourself and don’t get upset by your friends response.

Wail , do you like singing or listening to lyrics that mean something.?

[velvetfaerie]

Heheh my reply vanished!

Thank you all for your very good advice. I knew you guys would have some great input.

Act of charity ..... I didn't think about it that way Wail but good point.

Much to think about.

I am doing better with hypersensitivity and rejection dysphoria so if she acts in a hurtful way I should be ok. Definitely better than I would have been 4 weeks ago.

Back to work tomorrow URGH!!!

I am watching a docco about what Australia really thinks of disability. Why are people mean? 😞

[wail]

People get ready, there's a train a comin'

You don't need no baggage, you just get on board

All you need if faith, to hear the diesel hummin'

Don't need no ticket, you just thank the Lord.

Good scouting of tv show to Asdff, Soldier on at work to Velvet and Hello to Quirky.

Last night we watched the Modern Love story, first I watched the gay men wanting a baby and it was a good take on human relations, it made me happy. Then we watched the lady with bipolar, as the show starts, it has a blurb that mentioned this is a 'fictional exaggeration' and I thought Quirky's review was correct! I enjoyed the show, a humane depiction of bipolar can help typical brained people to understand. My husband thinks Anne Hathaway looks better with short hair, what??

Singing and listening to music is how my home is, since my husband's mood went low, I have been keeping a 60's vigil. Not really any meaning, it keeps me level during his low because environment is important. Quirky do you like the swinging 60's? It gives me a positive focus, I pack lunch and take him to the water to eat. He wears a black hoodie, pulled low and his look, scares strangers. Then we get him a cider at the drive through and come home and he goes to bed. This is the fourth week and I hope, things are gonna change.

Eager to hear a review on the Australian's opinions on disability. Velvet, maybe mean people have insecurities, my husband used to go wide of obviously disabled people, they made him uncomfortable. Basically he was afraid that they, might interact with him and he would be embarrassed. It was all about him but now he is much better with unpredictable situations. Actually I am proud of his maturity, so people can change and so I pity the meanies ! Cheers M.

[asdff]

Wail I admire you caring for your husband with your own mental health illness. I like the music lyrics too. Some I recognise, some I do not.

Velvet strength to you to get through the working week.

Quirky, I hope you find some good books to read and/or shows to watch.

Airies, where are you?

[quirkywords]

Velvet I saw that doco and then they are looking at ageing and obesity. It would have been interesting if they had included mental health and assumptions people make.

The one with the young man asking questions and because his voice sounded different as he had cerebral palsy people walked or ran away . he was only asking directions.

I knew a woman who was denied entry to a night club as the bouncer thought she was drunk and stoned because she had cerebral palsy. Every day she has to deal with peoples misconceptions.

M I saw one on modern Love about a couple having counselling after being married for a while and wondering if they have anything in common after children. On the advice of counsellor they play tennis as a way to connect to each other. Tina fey places the wife and it is a serious role. I related to it as my first marriage was like that not much in common besides children and then I was like a single parent.

asdff I like Modern Love and will watch more but any more recommendations of shows on prime Video especially docos and true stories of people from all walks of life.

I am still watching elementary and I may be addicted i think I may have 40 episodes to go and have watched over 100 .

[wail]

Lonely rivers flow, to the sea, to the sea,

To the open arms of the sea, yeah

Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me,

I'll be coming home, wait for me...

Thumbs up to Asdff ,yes a double bipolar marriage is a challenge and commiserations to Quirky on that first marriage.

Our lunch by the water was a bitter improvement, my husband is now being plagued by critical thoughts. He tried to rile me but I have stopped arguing with him, mainly because I can see how much he enjoys bickering, when he is unwell. Time does that to a couple, you begin to see patterns of behavior. I can't change him so I change my responses to him and I remain at peace.

Awful to read that people do not recognize cerebral palsy, Steady Eddie did a good job raising awareness, bring back Eddie! Cheers

[quirkywords]

Wail how do you stop arguing with angry person I find when I say nothing when someone says I said something I did not, it just makes them more angry.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...just dropping by to say a quick hello. Have read the recent posts...interesting conversations...well we are in this lockdown till the end of September! Time to bunker down. I haven't driven my car for over a week! I hope you are all travelling ok.