This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Airies-...I just read your post...sorry to hear about your stepdad...hugs

[quirkywords]

Lisa

how is your work going.

I havent seen my children and grand children for about 11 to 12 weeks.

[wail]

Hello darkness, my old friend- I've come to talk with you again,

Because a vision softly creeping- Left it's seed while I was sleeping,

And the vision that was planted in my brain- still remains,

Within the sound of silence...

Greetings to Lisa and Support to Quirky.

How do you stop arguing with an angry person? If you can see that they are angry, then nothing good will come from any discussion had in this state. I will not talk to an irrational person and I do not care what they say because they are in a negative frame. These people have little self control and they will try to drag you down to their level. My husband acts like a battle ship firing canons and trying to express himself, to alleviate his own troubles and I won't play, because past experiences have taught me. 'When you get in the mud with a pig you get dirty and the pig gets happy'.

It takes huge self composure to avoid the arguing trap and at first I felt insecure like I was not helping him through his suffering. But the truth is I can not help him to self regulate if I allow his negativity to effect me.

Like I said, I keep the beat and he brings the tempo. Cheers to the BP people

[quirkywords]

Wail,

I do try to avoiding talking to an angry person, but at times silence can make the person more angry.

I like that you keep the beat and he keeps the tempo.

I find I am tinkling on the triangle and other person is clashing cymbals.

[velvetfaerie]

Angry people generally only listen to reply, not listen to understand......

V.

[wail]

What's the use in trying, all you get is pain,

When I needed sunshine, I got rain,

And then I saw her face, now I'm a believer...

Strength to Quirky,

First lets begin with a positive, the triangle and the cymbals are both percussion instruments. So the issue may be pitch. If being silent does not work for you, would you consider taking time out for yourself. I use time out --- I say ' I have to go and do my Kegel exercises' and I go lie on the bed. After 20 minutes I go wash my hair and I do stuff that blocks the negativity. After an hour of time to myself, I do feel better. It is silence plus action and for me it is a win/win.

I would be dishonest if I didn't acknowledge that yesterdays negativity did lower my energy this morning. Like a stench, uncomfortable feelings hung. Then at the shop a little girl dragging a little cart asked me 'Where's Mum?' I pointed right, at an old lady and said, 'Is that mum?' she giggled and said 'No', so I pointed left at another shopper, she giggled 'No', then I pointed behind her, 'Is that mum?' she squealed 'Yes'. And just like that the stench lifted and so did I. Cheers

[quirkywords]

Thanks V, that is both wise and true.

It has been raining all day and now it looks like sleet. Hurry up spring

[asdff]

Quirky your weather sounds terrible a we have sunshine today and tomorrow. It’s been a long winter here.

Hi Lisa nice to hear from you.

Wail the song lyrics are fun. I sing along with the ones I know.

When I was in my down phase last week and the week before, I deleted my main social media account. I wasn’t getting any joy from it. In fact it was getting me into trouble. Does anyone else put their foot in it? Social media is tricky, there are photos and stories. We are invited to comment on them and if we aren’t in a great place. It can be the wrong the wrong thing. I didn’t say anything terrible. I just find it a trap.

[Airies]

Thankyou Lisa for your kind wishes. Another lockdown, I’m a bit over hearing about it but hopefully there will be light at the end of the tunnel when majority of people are vaccinated.

it’s nice to see the days getting longer, canola fields seem to have sprung up overnight , wattle blossoms appearing.I’m actually looking forward to Spring and Summer . Apart from a bit of excercise , gardening is my thing.

[quirkywords]

Weather here is making the most of last week in winter.

I have been more tired than usual.
Do you find you refrain from telling your family.how you really feel as you worry that telling them is unfair as they have enough on their plate.