This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff

It is my grandchild’s day of birth that I

may miss due to lockdown as daughter is due today,!

I read my post and realised it was ambiguous and should not have put in the word day!,

Thanks for you kind words.

[asdff]

Quirky that is even worse. We had a family member that happen to. She gave birth with her husband in the room. No Family to visit till they got home. Grandma was chomping at the bit to meet the baby. Of course you would be. Babies are delightful. I hope it won’t be too long till you meet grand baby. Xxxxx

Who has nit eggs in their hair? Me. I have treated my hair with chemical and natural treatment. We shall see if the nit expert gets back to me. It is Sunday after all. We have masks in my part of Australia. The roller coaster ride of Coronavirus , potential lockdowns, real lockdowns really messy with you. Us Bipolar people daily ride a roller coaster of emotions, these spanners that keep getting thrown at us make it harder to be okay.

[Airies]

Can’t wait to be a grand parent. Will be a long time coming as daughter in law struggles to get back overseas due to beurocracy . I cheesed off.. for me a slight weight gain. I log it all. It’s the second helping at dinner that does it. Sick of motorists abusing me when cycling… a few of them anyway.

Asdff the eye rolling and grunts brings back memories when on a trip to Bali , son back then was. Royal pain compleat with the fringe haircut totally covering half his face. Luckily they come good but I can’t remember being like that.

Quirky how are you doing?How are you surviving the cold and wet? I assume Asdff it’s nice where you are?
Cheers

[quirkywords]

Airies

Being a grandparent is great but I was 60 when I became one. It is great but so much has changed since my children were young.

Being cold and some what housebound means cooking and more eating. I can walk outside but it was too cold.
I am hoping baby will take its time.

Asdff as soon as I read nits I scratched my head and can’t stop,!!

[Airies]

Quirky, I’m not a cook apart from bbq and I make a Dahl. It’s been really cold. The dog and I just go and my wife just returned to work after a month off. I keep reaching for the bickies. I brought a cheap smart watch so l can measure heartbeat when walking and is has a sleep tracker. It’s rather small so I need my glasses to see it. Well I only had deep sleep for a hour. 7 hours were light and awake for a few minutes. As to to accuracy who knows. I won’t be doing that to regular buts it’s nice to know. Probably too much data when I should be winding down.

nits I think our kids got them when they were young.I’m scratching my head as I type this. I feel for you Asdff

[asdff]

Nits are the pits. I am over them, we still have them and are in lockdown. Silver king my children have three more days of school. I was booked in for a not specialist but everything is shut. I’m tired.

Airies we have bought the kids a few cheap smart watches from China. The latest was more expensive and the nearly teen loves it. I think it’s the game on it that she loves not the other features.

[Lisa611]

Hi All I have been discharged from hospital. It was probably a good time to go due to lockdown for the last 2 days I was there you weren't allowed any visitors and had to wear masks when you weren't in your room. My antidepressant was upped twice while I was there and my mood stabiliser was put back up. I feel better than I did before I went in. I'm thinking of telling my principal that I have bipolar. She seemed really supportive at our last meeting. Im just thinking about it.

I remember when my youngest daughter got nits from school it was such a pain in the arse to get rid of them especially when she kept hanging around the kid who she caught them off. As quick as I would treat her hair and wash everything she would catch them again. Thinking of nits makes me feel itchy all over.

I still have this week and next week off work. One of the psychs who gave a talk described mental illness as a brain disease. I'm really hoping that I'm finally coming out the other end of this depressive episode. Being in hospital was good in a way because I didn't feel so isolated. I don't know anyone else who has a mental illness so there are times when I feel alone. That's why I like you guys even though our experiences may differ you still get it.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

do you ha a union rep or welfare officer for staff who knows the principal and you could confide in. Just a thought.
I am thinking that maybe you know people have a mental illness but don’t tell you. Do you tell all your friends.? I found when I told people I was surprised how many people had a relative, a child, a parent with a mental illness or were themselves experiencing or had experienced a mental illness.
I am sad you feel alone.
It is a hard decision in teaching to tell your principal.

[Airies]

Hey Lisa, no nice to hear you are out and feel better then when you went in. Like I’ve said before it’s more tools in your toolbox with the sessions, handouts and one on ones.
ive not many friends. I’ve told them and I guess they guessed anyway.
only you know if you can confide with your principal. As Quirky suggests maybe a welfare officer or union rep or even another staff member you trust.
im glad you find solace here. We do get one another. I’ve become a bit of a loner through choice, self preservation but can be quite chatty around people. Be kind to yourself. Baby steps.

[quirkywords]

Aries in my personal life I do feel alone and different and these days I think many think they know all about bipolar because they have read an article on the internet or a post on Facebook.

Velvet if you are reading I hope you are ok