This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Lisa

that seems a bit unfair since. You are feeling ok.

could you say to your principal that if you are feeling well after 2 weeks could you return to work,.

Did you tell your principal about the conflict with your class and your appointment, and thst the student was being stretched doing the course.

[Airies]

Lisa,

through it all you have do do what’s right for you. It that means doing nothing so be it. Be guided by your psych and be kind to yourself as well. It’s ok to even be selfish and not feel guilty about it. We are giving people. Go with your gut. Sounds like you need a break to look after number 1 .

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Do you think we tend to be overachievers so we won’t be judged.

I know I used to feel I had to be better than my peers . I had to work harder not have breaks, work longer.

[velvetfaerie]

Good question Quirky. I think yes, but I will add that it was do or die for me. No one was my fall back people. I never felt I had a safety net. My father made it clear that calling on them for help was frown upon. I never had a partner to fall back on either. I have worked my butt off to stay fed with a roof over my head. I have done the most ORDINARY and terrible of jobs to survive, and in some ways it paid off, in other ways I landed in this job HAHAH. Joke aside, change is afoot. I can see and feel it!

Lisa, I can take some leave for you 🙂 Seriously, do you. Be you. Focus on you. Rest.

[quirkywords]

Velvet,

I hope there is change at your work and in your life.

Lisa hope you are ok.

[velvetfaerie]

Sounds like our big boss is leaving.... which is good because he is the reason this place sucks. We need change and progression, not archaic values and ideals. He won't progress so he needs to progress down the road and out the front gate. He can retire a VERY wealthy man right now. More zeros than any of us could ever hope to see.

I find the harder you work, the more effort you put in at work or with friendships, the more people take advantage, so I stopped.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I never knew how important the right leadership style is to the well being of a work place until i experienced it.

At a school we had a teacher in charge who was very gruff and had little people skills so much so that 2 of the teachers she managed were always fighting.She also didnt know my name never greeted people and was always angry. Then she had a year away and the teacher taking her place organised small staff meetings for teachers and assistants, something that never happened. She organised several dinners at her place and others. She smiled knew my name and was always pleasant.

Then the other teacher came back and the 2 teachers started arguing when they hadnt for a year.

It was amazing to see what a bit of compassion and people skills coluld do.

I hope the next boss for you is

[velvetfaerie]

Leadership is vital. Managers who don't lead destroy organisations, morale and careers.

I hope people above paid attention to the change at your work when that happened. Such an obvious difference isn't it?

I just heard today the expected level of work the rest of this year has dropped by about 70%. Why? POOR LEADERSHIP and egos getting in the way. we have lost SO much work in the last 2 years it is terrifying, but not unexpected. They blame covid. ER no. Mismanaged funds and ego and poor leadership. I am not sure any of us will be here by Christmas. If there is any of us, it won't be many. Lucky I updated my resume. I am truly just letting fate decide here. I will leave the profession though if its over. I will work in it part time and get another qualification.

With compassion and empathy come people skills.

[quirkywords]

Velvet it is sad that many like you with empathy compassion and many talents and skills will leave a profession due to management and poor leadership. I know it happened in teaching where goof teachers left due to the executive teachers at a school.

The things was when I pointed out the difference people said oh those teachers always fight but they didnt for a year and there were less sick days and lots more smiles.

In typical bureaucracy the good leader teacher was sent to an admin job and the poor leader teacher was promoted to assistant principal!!

Velvet you would make a very understanding leader.

[velvetfaerie]

It is very sad indeed. I have just heard there is also an element of corruption going on as well. People with own agendas influencing decissions in order to serve their own agendas to the detriment of the entire team here.

The good staff here have been demoted while the self serving ones who can't get it right has risen to the top. I know bureaucracy all too well. I work for a very prestigious university and it is ROTTEN to the core.