This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

**eye roll** the system needs a kick in the bum. Less pay and entitlements for politicians and more cash into the health system. Soon we will have a system like America, if we haven't already.

[Lisa611]

Airies - better to go where you think you'll get the best care.

V- The image of a rock chick in compression stockings drinking rum gave me a laugh.

My youngest daughter had a wisdom tooth pulled out today. My private health only covered $200 so she had to pay just over $700. It was an emergency extraction. Guess who will have to foot the bill? She doesn't work full time cause she's a full time uni student and she is now paying rent. She earns enough from swimming instructing and her 2 days a week with an environmental consultant to make ends meet but she can't afford to pay over $700 for her tooth. What am I supposed to do? I will have to pay it. I paid for her sister to get her wisdom teeth pulled out when she was 15 so I guess it's fair. Grrr an expense I don't need.

[asdff]

Quirky comfy PJs and slippers or bed socks are my favourite attire.

Velvet are you back at work or resting at home. The stockings would be keeping you warm. There is one benefit. Was the leave for a long period of time or short? Can you take it as sick leave with a doctor’s certificate?

Airies I am in the buying stage. I was never a buyer of random items. I am now! Balloons, sports watch, shavers. Just some of the crap I have either bought or looked at online in the last week. My brain jumps from one thing to another. It’s tiring. I would like to stay on task.

Lisa how are you today?

[velvetfaerie]

Lisa.... it's like you know me. Hahaha.

[asdff]

Ah kids and teeth a topic I know too well Lisa. Pricey exercise. Our daughter has had enough money spent on her teeth for a brand new small car. We got back $500 if we were lucky.

[quirkywords]

Hello

aries, sorry you ha d problems with helpline.

velvet, Thst is terrible the way you are treated at work.

lisa and asdff money for children continues well into their 30s.

I had long trip on train yesterday and sunday for family events. Very tired.

[velvetfaerie]

Quirky, today I am laughing at them. Their short sightedness and inability to work as a team slapped them back. Oh well. I am working on my boundaries. One is not thinking for others, which includes personal and professional relationships and not people pleasing. Don't like me? Good. You are probably toxic anyway.

Long train trip..... sounds romantic..... long distance travel is knackering.

*Sigh* as they say eff my life..... (oh lets see what hyprocisy happens WITH THAT COMMENT!!!!!!!!!)

[Airies]

Quirky, fond memories as a kid doing train trip from Vic to Queensland, remember remote stations, banana plantations and I think either train change at border, different size tracks ? The days of the old red rattler. I’d love to do a train trip but not practical nor Cheap.

Teeth... just got a reminder for 6 month checkup.No I’m going to stretch it out. Seems like I just left there. PTSD course coming up in September. Hopefully put a few things to bed.

Trying to excercise each day and counting the calories—early days I’m hungry:(

[quirkywords]

When studying in Canberra in the late 1970s I would gu pt to isit my parents for the weekend. On thw unday night the trip could take anything from 7 hrs to 10 hrs for what is now a 4 hr trip.

Once we got to canberra and it was locked up so we had to scale the gate. Even had trouble back then . Happy days and being the nations capoital. I think the persons shit finished and he didnt care if the passengers would be locked out!!!

[Lisa611]

Had my meeting with the principal today. She wants me to take the next 5 weeks off to focus on me. I agreed to it. I will see the rest of the week out and start my leave from Monday. I will ring my psych tomorrow as he will need to write me a doctor's certificate. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for 5 weeks. Then there will be the 2 week break so it will be really 7 weeks. I don't feel really stressed about it. One of the issues she raised was me ending an after school yr 11 class early. It only has one student in it. The reason I had to keep cutting the class short is because it clashed with my psych appointments. My psych only sees outpatients on that day. I couldn't be in two places at once so I kept cutting the class short to get to the psych in time. I don't know what else I could have done. Maybe I should have rescheduled the class to another afternoon. I'm not even sure if I could of done that. The student in the class is high maintenance and doesn't really have the ability to do the course. Her mum made a complaint. She also said that the student wanted more feedback and that the student had to work independently. It is an extension course students are expected to work more independently as they are supposed to be more capable. The principal did come across as supportive. I'm not sure how I feel about it all. I just asked my partner if I can go into work with him. He runs a family business maybe I can help in the office over the 5 weeks.