This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Velvet, hooray for Big Boss going. I hope some food changes come in for your workplace.

Lisa, hats off to you. High School kids are hard work. Enjoy your time off and see if there are any strategies that work better for your mental health.

I have to work on something in my parenting and it’s a bit shameful writing it here. No yelling at the kids. I have a list of strategies to try instead of yelling. One is to whisper. Ha ha my kids probably won’t hear me. It is ironic because my kids know my triggers, they love to push my buttons.

[quirkywords]

asdff

I really dont know any parent that hasnt yelled at their children at one time.

Actually if I got very quiet and spoke slowly they would pay some attention . I think the fact you are aware of what you do is a good start.

Velvet that is sad that good workers are demoted.

[velvetfaerie]

If he goes. Who knows. The signs are there though.

OH it is so sunny outside. I will be taking advantage of it after work.

[asdff]

Quirky it was my pysch that pointed it out. She said how did you feel when your Dad yelled at you? I said ........ I don’t really want to share on here as it could be triggering. Psych said that is how your child is feeling too. She means the girl one. The boy one yells back. So he has learned that from me 😞 my husband is not a teller and he wasn’t raised in a yelling environment.

Velvet, so much sunshine. It’s beautiful. My washing is drying what a housewife thing to say! Ha ha

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I understand what your psych is saying but I feel it is hard being a parent without feeling guilty. I think being aware is helpful as long as you don’t feel guilty.

[Lisa611]

Quirky- yes I told her about the clash. I also told her that I have had to dumb down the course. She was ok about it but I could tell that she really wanted me to take the time off which is why I agreed. It was like this is what I'm suggesting you do and I would like you to do it. She also knew how much leave I have owing. She'd looked it up.

Airies- I feel like I was doing my job ok. Apart from the leave I've taken and the parent complaint there was nothing really else brought up. Today the student filled out the form to withdraw from the course lol the irony doesn't escape me.

I told my daughters. They were ok about it. Called my psych he wants me to go into hospital on Monday. I've been in there before it's not too bad. I know I'm definitely not manic. I guess it's better to play it safe. I will be sharing a room with someone. In the past I've had my own room. I don't like the meeting sessions that they run in there. Thankfully they don't make you go. My partner doesn't think I need to go in but I will do as the psych says.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

I am glad you trust your psych. How long do you need to be in hospital?

so do they check your medications and observe you.?

are the meeting sessions like a group therapy type where people sit in a circle , yes I have watched too much tv, or do you mean meeting sessions with a doctor.

Hope it is beneficial for you.m

[velvetfaerie]

I hope the hopsital visit helps you Lisa. Precautions are a good thing. *hug*

I am so glad to be out of those stockings. I have some other issues, not unexpected, not life threateneing, just painful and will resolve in a couple of weeks. Otherwise all a success!

Friday. *happy dance* BUT, Brat child visiting this weekend after her sooking for 6 months. She isn't getting away with treating me the way she has and a discussion is had to smooth things over for all or she goes back to her toxic mother, (Who is most of the problem, instilling such entitlement in this kid). No 13 year old is telling us how it is in our house. EVER, and NEVER to my detriment.

[asdff]

Good luck Velvet. Hormonal nearly 13 year old girl pushes my buttons majorly. I hope the little Brat learns her place in your household.

Lisa, the hospital sounds refreshing and like a reset button. I hope you get what you need from being in there.

Quirky and Airies, how are you both?

[velvetfaerie]

Moody teens will be moody teens. I also believe they learn from the examples their role models show them. Monkey see monkey do...................

Seem I have a clot in my leg. Hopefully it racks off with the treatment. it isn't big, but I don't need that migrating! Kind of makes me feel very nervous 😕