This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Happy Birthday Quirky, Velvet you strike me as one to hang out with on a birthday, anytime really . As for me this year was the year to get fit, then I come to the realisation that come this April I will be actually turning a year older then what I thought I was. S**t my brain is stuffed. My wife will say do you remember this? Or do you remember when we visited this place overseas? My ability to remember things is shot. This illness, the meds, the ect treatment has made me a shell of my former self. Thank god for you guys. We genuinely bounce off one another and someone’s post has the ability to bring a smile to my dial when nothing else can . Thank you

[clown_of_mine]

Gosh I just actually laughed out loud for the first time in ages.

Man Thing

[clown_of_mine]

velvetfaerie's more like velvetglove

Airies I also have memory loss and it's annoying but I don't have grudges cause I forget too.

[velvetfaerie]

I have been getting hazy brained lately too. Apathy? Maybe. Hot weather? Maybe. Age? Maybe.

Glad to bring the giggles.

I have got to have some of the smartest freeloading mice at home. They rob the traps. Traps don't go off. I give them such good tucker. Peanut butter. Pistacio nuts. Bread. Chicken. They will die of heart disease before the traps get them!

V.

[asdff]

Happy Birthday to you Quirky. Depending on my mood and age depends if I enjoy my B’day. I remember my 12th being an absolute stinker. I was a menace that day. We had step brother and step sister staying with us. That set me off. Us BP peeps like routine. I also hated having to share my Mum. I could go into more but I won’t. I really hated that day. The situation. I wanted my Mum on my Birthday. Instead I had to share her.

[asdff]

As I’ve aged. I’ve had to share Mum more and more. I used to get really angry about that. Now, I can let it slide. It is a massive trigger it sore point. As I live away from her in geography, it is better as I don’t see her wearing herself too thin to help others. Being her daughter, I have learned I don’t want to be like her. Running around helping others to the detriment of myself. So I say no. I don’t go to all of the events I am invited to. I don’t run around others who don’t have a car etc etc.

Quirky, still hypomanic but it’s humid as here. So I can’t do all the things just some of the things.

[quirkywords]

hello everyone
Aries and clown, this is true. I bought a book on how to improve your memory then I forget where I put it.!,

asdff as my mum’s dementia took hold, she hated me getting attention from my dad on my birthday and she said she should get the presents as she gave birth to me.
After her spoiling one birthday I never spent my birthday with my parents. I know it was the illness and I was an adult but it still hurt a bit to see her turn into someone she was not. She was usually very kind.

[clown_of_mine]

asdff - I love routine another BP thing But doing a reno and it can be difficult as little goes to plan

quirky - if the memory help book is at the Op shop then I'll buy it.

word games are good like A-Z thread.

[velvetfaerie]

Routine is good. Sometimes I just let it go. Depends on what is going on and how much free time I have.

[quirkywords]

I loved the routine of my shop that’s why I miss the shop so much and I don’t do holidays.