This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Good old hypomania is here. It’s exhausting. I know I am hypomanic, can I do anything about it? Not really. It’s humid so that doesn’t help. I went overboard at the gym this morning. I’ve now drunk an electrolyte replacement drink. Really just a tablet in water.

I’ve nearly made it through school holidays. Hooray. I will probably crash, when the kids go back. Crash into depression.

[Airies]

Asdff, those tablets work. I’ve just had a mini ice cream after a long ride. My first in a while. My wife threw my staminade out as it was well past it’s use by date. Personally I think I can still use it but I’m not going to dive into the bin. Been a good day. I think getting out on the bike and having to deal with traffic made the difference. I’m sore and pleasantly tired. It was warm but thankfully a slight wind. I’ll probably undo it all with wrong food choices for remainder of day. That’s the way I am.

[quirkywords]

Aries , I have thought that if I made good food choices all the time I would not have to exercise as much,!

[clown_of_mine]

quirky I agree , if I exercise too much I tend to eat more and crave sugar

I guess like everything else were all different but the same

2 more things I've noticed about people with BP they age well ? and you would not put them in the witness box unless you wanted to sink someone as they don't lie well. Does this ring any bells ?

[Airies]

Quirky, if only it was that easy. I guess it’s part of my makeup, the extremes.Clown of mine I don’t know about that one. I’ve had sisters say “ you look well” but under the surface who knows. I don’t see myself living to a ripe old age , I really don’t, but it’s not all doom and gloom. I take one day at a time. No long term plans.

[velvetfaerie]

I am honest to a fault, if there is such a thing? Brutal honesty comes out too and people don't like that. Ask man things ex and offspring!!!

I'm quite "young" for my age. I don't act my age for the most part, get mistaken as 10 years younger some times.

Been awake since 4am. Guess no looking youthful today Haha! Mind is racing. So much thinking about all the psychological and emotional abuse over my lifetime. Oh it's so complex and noisy. I just decided to get up and do chores as I have today off work.

I had an awesome workout yesterday. 2km power walk. Weights class then aerobics class. STILL didn't knock myself put properly. Stupid brain.

All this talk about junk food and I have to go to the shops today. HEHEHE.

[clown_of_mine]

velvet that is exactly what I ment with the aging comment BP's tend to have baby face.

Airies go look in the mirror at your face!!!

[clown_of_mine]

I have such a case of baby face that Strange Babies converse with me in the supermarket.

They do a lot of wide eyed staring dribble and try to chat.

I try to be cool just a kind hello buddy or hello baby depending if I can tell their gender.

People used to say you should work with kids and at around 12yrs of age that's what I wanted but my family sort of gave my rotten eggs about it so I moved on. Where I live there is a lake and plenty of First Nation Kids swim there they are lovely kids and their bilingual sometimes when I'm surrounded by their play and silliness well it feels like how I imagine heaven nirvana - that place to be. Gone swimming!

[asdff]

Kids are fun. Other people’s kids that is. My kids are too much like me and get on my nerves. Kids are easy for me to relate to. They are honest and fun. I can be fun and really silly.

I need to get my bottom moving to the gym.

Last night I had a friend over as hubby was out for dinner. I told her I had overdone it at the gym. She said what did you do? I said just normal workout with some running at the end. She wouldn’t understand the need to push yourself till exhaustion. I have days where I can override that need. Some days it is my only goal. How sick is that? Saying it’s a goal. Messed up.

Velvet, the waking up early. My husband was up early. He started on his work.

[quirkywords]

hello everyone,
Clown ,

I must be the exception that proves the rule. I look my age and that’s ok. When I was younger I looked older and that was a good thing. I have accepted I am getting older a d look it. I am honest .Never had a baby face.