This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Hypomania is exhausting. I feel like I am flitting from task to task. Yet, achieving nothing. I have household chores to do, yet don’t want to do them.

[asdff]

Velvet people that use children as pawns irritate me. If you don’t feel you can love them 100% don’t have them. We have an ex brother in law, who is selfish, self centred. I could go on but I won’t. He should never have had children. I think mother in law(not his mum) was taken a back when I said these comments. I don’t care. I meant them. He is a bad dad, was a bad husband. She could see that. I thinks she was shocked that I can at times say what I feel. Is that something us BP people do. Voice our opinions? They might not be the popular opinion? I do watch my mouth at times. Sometimes I’ve had enough of the situation and let loose. Ha Ha. I’m pretty sure Velvet does this too.

Clown, I use humour. All the time. Mostly self deprecating humour.

[Airies]

Welcome clown of mine. Asdff yep to that. I voice my opinion often to the disdain of those around me. I just let rip. Totally opposite to what I was as a child.I use humour too, often at my expense and quick with a quip. Moments of brilliance... well to me anyway. I’m stuffed a short walk, no bike yep the hyper mania kicking in... will I or won’t I ... comfort eating .. let’s grab some fruit from the fruit bowl or a pack of biscuits. Before the weekend was thinking of a short admission back in hospital. What would that do? COVID restrictions and my small world getting smaller. Feeling ok but the internal chatter is a pain.

[clown_of_mine]

You guys are so lucky if in your world you can speak your minds. I would brake the sound barrier if I did. I have become a professional repressor and I get migraine to boot. no Not even temped too much trouble .

[velvetfaerie]

I usually get in trouble if I speak my mind, but I do it anyway. My input is a valid as anyone elses, especially if what I am inputting on affects me. As they say, oppinions are like .............. anuses, (I use a much less PC word). We all have one!

Asdff - some people have kids for trapping men, income, etc. Sense of entitlement. Many of the issues are not gender specific. Men and women can be right turds when it comes to using kids as pawns, source of income, catalyst for revenege. It truly is disgusting. They have no clue the damage it does to those developing minds. I have seen it so many times first hand because these kids, (friends kids etc), tell me. I can also see it in their life choices. Maternal entitlement riles me up. OH we want EQUALITY! Oh now we have kids, no we don't. You need to pander to us.

Gym today. I have been a sugar junky HAHAHA. And I am kind of cranky.

[clown_of_mine]

Awe and Envy for those in open spaces. Finding this Thread is the free space I needed to begin saying things that I have been holding. Thanks guys your brilliant.

[velvetfaerie]

This place is amazing.

Last night, I think i did the HARDEST gym session / classes in a decade. Even the really fit ladies and gents were struggling. I thought I was being a sook. Nope. It was super hard !

V

[quirkywords]

Wow , it was my birthday yesterday so I missed all these great comments. I vo,unteered all day at op shop so that was good. I don’t do birthdays and I usually cry fir no reason in the morning and did yesterday. Not sure if anyone else does.

clown, I have done that ,talk to a person then realise they are on the phone,!
I don’t talk my mind to close family that’s why this thread is so helpful.

asdff hypo mania is exhausting, I hope you get some relief soon.

velvet, what a complicated web you have fallen into, I hope you can navigate your way through.the negativity of selfish emotions and spite.

aries that was so kind to say we have become your world. I agree. This is one place I can be truly honest and know I will be met with understanding not judgment.

I was asked recently who was my support system and I thought this thread is and that is comforting,

[clown_of_mine]

Congrates on your birthday quirkyword's , birthdays tend to bum me also, generally I start with a short black double shot and something chocolate. I agree you guys and this thread are the Bomb.

[velvetfaerie]

Happy birthday to you Quirky! 😄

I usually start my birthday with a nice coffee too. Nice brekky. Maybe a beer or 2 after a walk or bike ride. I don't care if it is in the morning either !!! I think my birthday is on a saturday this year! And I don't think man thing is home. Oh well. It will be the first time in 2 or 3 years I think! I have other mates I can hang out with and find mischief with.