This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[clown_of_mine]

I wasn't allowed to have a family the decision was made for me , but I Understand the watching of siblings kids and hoping that the condition will skip a generation. Fear has prevented me from even thinking about stepping out on my partner. Plus now I'm too old to be sexy I'd look positively desperate if I tarted up.

[quirkywords]

Clown

Can we ever felt confident and say bye bye tour various fears.

I try.

[clown_of_mine]

quirky, I would give my left leg to be free of fear, unfortunately I was raised in a fear inducing home and I see the effects in my siblings as well. I have moments of bravery and I admire confident people I'd love to say YES Obama Yes we can. But my gut tells me sorry the rot runs deep.

But maybe your fears are less cruel and I hope if you have any then you can Obama them away.

Do you know what shop sells confidence? or What waste station takes fears?

Really all I can do is make funnies about my situation , I'm broken

and PLEASE don't be sorry for me , I try every day to make the most of things

I will try harder thank you for you post

[quirkywords]

clown and everyone

I use humour and making fun of myself to cope with parts of my life.

I don’t feel sorry for anyone here , I think how courageous we all are.

[asdff]

We are couragous Quirky, bloody strong people. I think only the people in this thread truely understand me. Understand my thought patterns and behaviours. My very patient husband, last week yelled at me "why do you think like that" or maybe it was "how can you think like that?". I don't know. I just do. I am super sensitive. I take offence to things all the time. I always have. I notice the subtle things, like a girl laughing today. As we walked past her. We know this young girl. My brain was thinking, is she laughing at my daughter. Who is the year younger than her? On the cusp of starting high school.

[velvetfaerie]

Sensitive and anxious or devil may care.

Whizzing through. Hi guys. Busy arvo.....

Thinking of y'all!!!

[quirkywords]

We are strong

we are invincible

we are courageous

we are sensitive

we are empathic.

[Airies]

Asdff, you are so so right. You get me as others do here. I battled through the weekend. So much internal chatter. My ever patient wife said , “ You’ve done it like this”. I long out a long sigh. I guess she could see I felt defeated. I’m tired of the battle, seeking perfection, the frustration, flogging myself through excercise. I get annoyed when I say hello to people along my walking trail and some don’t respond. The people in this thread have become my world. I don’t do other people.

[velvetfaerie]

Oh Airies I think you are my spirit animal! 😄

Quirky - damn straight we are!

We are a pretty cool bunch. Bright. Resillient. To add to the list.

Sadly it seem man things youngest child has also been successfully alienated. Seems her mother and herself feel being made accountable for disgusting behaviour is not on. Can we say NARCISSISTS??? 😕 This woman does not see the damage she is causing her own children, and the adult son of another woman. It is truly disgusting. They all have MH concerns. She feels that because of man things mistakes over 15 years ago, she can still use the kids as fodder and mentally destroy them. I cannot imagine what they think or feel at the moment. 😞 People like this are disgusting and it is truly child abuse. I truly hope karma catches up with her!

I had choccy for brekky HEhHE.

V.

[clown_of_mine]

Hi Airies's and gang - I find myself talking to people who are actually on the bleeping phone , the plugs they have in their ears are undetectable. It's always a moment of horror, then I say sorry my bad, and they have already already moved On.