This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Issi]

Hi Loula and Quirky

The program I think your doctor is talking about is when a Mental Health Nurse comes to your house, you sit down have a chat about your concerns. Often they can help you put your feelings into words to help communicate with doctors and family. In Victoria they are state funded and organised by local government but you need a referral from your doctor. I had one for a while but I found it more comfortable going to her office. If this is what he is talking about you have nothing to fear, he/she will only tell the doctor what you have discussed if they feel you are in immediate danger to yourself.

With your medication it may be good to have reminders when to take them or your chemist can make up a webstar pack which sets all of your meds out for the week in bubble packs, because I’m on a few for a few different reasons I’ve made up an excel sheet divided into 3. with what I need at breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime. I have 1 in my medication box, 1 in the back of my mobile (I had a seizure shopping and they called an ambulance and I couldn’t remember what I was on, hence the 1 in the back of my phone) and my husband has a copy.

Keep the communication up with doctors, family and us, you will manage it.

Issi

[Loula]

The program they mentioned is Catt? Dose anything know anything about that? I’ve gone on the website and it doesn’t explain anything?

I feel like poop today. Coming off medication going onto new medication ouch!

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Issi thanks for explaining what happens with a mental health nurse.

Loula hopefully the new medication will help.

Hope everyone reading is doing the best they can.

Please feel free to ask any questions.

Quirky

[Issi]

Hi

CATT is the the Crisis Assessment Treatment Team, they are sent out to provide immediate help when you are in crisis. This is totally different to the Mental Health Nurse.

Issi

[Loula]

Issi should I be scared of that? I don’t know what I’m really dealing with here and as you can all tell I’m every where at the moment!

Thankyou for explaining what a mental health nurse is. Good to know and for others to know.

Im feeling just weird. The new medication is kicking in and is giving me that foggy band feeling around my head which I can’t handle as I can’t multi task or think straight so hopefully it lifts but with all the other medication I’ve tried it’s just got worse 😞 so I’m a bit nervous but I think I’ve come down a little bit because I’m accepting I need help unlike the other days when I was questioning it but I’m still getting angry and really struggling socialising with others which I find strange about my highs as I get very distant from people and I thought I would like them more lol.

Im seeing my psychiatrist in the morning so fingers cross goes good and I can get back to work and life as I’ve been eating to much icecream with all this free time lol!

[blondguy]

Hello Everyone

Hi Loula.....I really hope you are doing reasonably okay...Changing meds can be a bit scary yet many people do change their meds...I understand as I have too. Can I ask if you have a friend or family member that you can lean on for support at the moment? If you get stuck Beyond Blue have super caring qualified counselors available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636

You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish Loula 🙂 There are many gentle people that can be here for you

Hi Issi and Quirky...thankyou for being here and speaking from the heart (again) 🙂

I hope you can post back when you can Loula....we are here for you

Hugs

Paul

[Issi]

Hi Everyone

Loula. At this time of changing meds dealing with a new diagnosis, everything can appear scary. These services have been put in place to help, as Paul has said Beyond Blue has 24/7 counselling. There is also a beyond blue app that you can put contact details in, and runs though how to deal with certain problems.

I hope things are slowly turning around for you.

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Loula

I hope the meeting goes well with the psychiatrist today and the medication starts to help you.

Loula let us know what happens, we are here for you.

Issi and Paul thanks for your helpful words.

Quirky

[Loula]

Hi guys sorry for posting and asking to many questions. I will stop. Bye.

[Loula]

Paul, friends and family are helpful but do they have bipolar? No! So that’s why I come to this group to talk to follower people with actual bipolar to talk to as they are living it. Most likely someone has gone through what I’m going through or have more insight to the world of bipolar.

I find this page helpful but the support number not so. I have used it in times of need and being bipolar it has actually worked against me as I don’t feel heard and talked at not talked to. But that’s my experience.

Sesion went good this morning. Got a few hours sleep and hoping to get to work later next week. Seeing slightly clearer and making more responsible decisions. Just feeling very valuable and open at the moment and still can fly off the charts at anyone.

Feeling though from the post I’m draining everyone out a bit. Sorry about that. I’ll keep a bit more quiet.