This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Tams20]

Hi everyone,

Yeah I reckon this particular friend can go to hell. She’s used me to whinge about her husband and her job and now that everything is all unicorns 🦄 and rainbows 🌈 I’m not needed. Her marriage counselling is a revelation, she’s gone from being disgusted with her husband and wanting a divorce to being in love again (pffft we’ll see), she has a new job for half the pay but that’s ok because she will love it and that will solve all of her problems (again, wel’ll see). I’m such a sucker. I’ve been had.

If she wants to be friends she can come to me. She can make some effort. Otherwise we’re done. I’ve got other friends that treat me much better that I’ve been neglecting to spend time with her. What a fool.

Loula I can understand your frustration re: wanting a baby, but can you be patient and make sure that it’s the right timing and that you’re well enough first? I had PND with my first child and it is awful, it could really derail you if you’re not prepared. The fatigue is indescribable, it feels like you have to devote every second to this tiny human and it can push you right to the edge. I agree with Quirky, please speak to your doctor. Put some plans in place, don’t jump into anything too soon.

And waves 👋 to Velvet and Airies, will be good to have some more discussion on this thread.

Tams

[quirkywords]

Welcome everyone . Please feel free to read and post. All ideas welcome and question or just come and chat.

Loula, it must be so difficult for you because you feel you are alone and misunderstood. We are here for you so just be yourself.

I was not on medication but in denial when I had my children . Everyone looked at me closely with my first baby waiting for me to mess up or I felt they were..

Having a support system is really important when having a baby for any mother but especially for someone with bipolar.

I can understand how much you want a baby and how you feel no one is listening.

We are listening to you.

Tams

thanks for your reply. Friendships are tricky.

Thanks for sharing some of your experiences of motherhood with us.

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi Loula,

Just wondering how you’re feeling today?

How is everyone else going? I could best describe my current mood as ‘meh’.

Tams

[blondguy]

Hi everyone

When new members are reading this thread maybe we can help them with some info or symptoms about Bipolar and how they have found some peace with counseling....therapy or meds?

I am not an well versed on Bipolar disorder so if anyone can offer any proactive comments about this awful condition maybe we can all learn 🙂

If anyone has been diagnosed with Bipolar it would be great to hear your views

My kind thoughts

Paul

[Loula]

Hey guys,

Today I have a raging headache from a good night on the booze. Just needed an escape night.

Im just the same. But my whole body is in pain because I don’t know I think it just a weird bipolar symptom. Like my body feels every emotion and can’t handle it.

I had to stop one of my meds straight away so I’m feeling that.

I atempted the new tablet today. I’m going to see my psychiatrist in the morning. But I feel I’m just going to explode.

I just don’t know what I want to do. Most of me wants to pack up and hide for a week or two.

[Issi]

Hi everyone

Paul that’s a good idea,

I’ve shared this before but I was first diagnosed with depression at age 26 (I’m 50 now) and put on antidepressants. After that sent to several psychiatrists who I never clicked with and put on a lot of different medications. I moved to a different town found a new GP tried a couple more psychiatrists. Then around age 38? I saw my current psychiatrist who within 5 visits confirmed Bipolar then it all made sense my behaviour in my early 20s which was very risky. Cycling of moods up lots of energy drinking, uncontrolled spending etc, then out of no where the downs days couldn’t leave the house or eat. Medications are best left to your doctor as you might have an antidepressant and/or mood stabiliser. This normally works well with therapy either group or one on one. Early last year I had a second opinion from another psychiatrist who also added adult ADHD which meant a different mix of medication. Each diagnosis knocked me for a six, but after taking the meds talking to my husband and my best friend, apart from the occasional hiccup I feel ok most of the time.

Mindfulness or meditation at the end or the beginning of the day helps. Apart from Hawaii my Happy place is a surf beach don’t mind which one. I try to get there and walk as often as I can, could be a garden, library, shopping centre or baking (not me I burn everything).

Issi

[quirkywords]

Hi everyone ,

Paul, thanks for your comment.

If new members go to the very first post of this thread, as many do, they can read the analogy of bipolar to going in an elevator/lift. People have found this explanation by Kazzle the person who started this thread incredibly helpful. Also people are pointed towards that first post when they join us on the thread.

If you scroll back you can read people discussing their experiences. Often we have people who have just been diagnosed asking questions. I try to answer questions and share experiences and refer people to other resources as needed.

Issi has just posted about her experiences as I have and many others have.

We are often talking here about info and symptoms about bipolar. Just recently we have talked about keeping relationships and friendships, having children, coping with everyday tasks when depressed, how we experience mania ,having a diagnosis early in life as opposed to later in life, and many other things.

Paul, if you or anyone reading would like to ask a question please feel free to.

Thanks again.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Loula,

I am sorry you are in pain.

How did you appointment with your psychiatrist?

I understand you feel awful and are trying so hard but hopefully you will get the balance of your medication right so, and you will feel better.

Issi, thanks for sharing your experience. Everyone has a different experience and we can learn different things. I don't know two people who experience bipolar in exactly the same way . It is hard to generalise as we all have different experiences. What works for one person will not work for another.

I have written about this before . After living with a diagnosis of (manic depression as it was in the 1970s to )bipolar, for over 40 years, I have learnt it is not about recovery but resilience and a long journey where you can expect the unexpected.

I am lucky that I have only ever been on the same medication for over 25 years but I sometimes I see people struggle to find the right medication.

I found the 4Hs help me( I have written about this before)

Health- so important to look about physical and mental health, enough sleep, healthy diet.

Honesty- being honest with yourself and others is helpful, so you are not in denial or pretending to others and yourself.

Humour, I have found with experience that an ability to see the lighter side and laugh at myself helps- Of course when you are newly diagnosed it is too soon for humour .

Hope- You must have hope even during the darkest times that you got through this before and you will again.

Just some thoughts that I have shared before but anyone reading for the first time, feel free to share your experiences and /or ask questions.

Quirky

[Loula]

Hi Quirkywords

My appointment went ok today. I’m still going more manic though. The physiatrist said I’m getting close to be hospitalised if I don’t start taking my medication seriously.

Hes got me on another amount of medication. Fingers cross it works. He’s very nervous about me going to hospital though as he thinks it will make more sicker and my old gp back where I use to live has said to my mum never let her get into a hospital state as she won’t surive it. Both think it will crush me.

He did mention though this thing program he might put me on. Something with letters that people come up and check up on me on? Dose anyone know what that is and should I be woried? But he said due to the fact he wasn’t going away on the weekend he’s going to see me and go from there. So I’m nervous.

[quirkywords]

Loula,

Thanks for letting us what is happening to you.

i do hope you can get your medication organised and your mania under control.

I am not sure about the program you mentioned but if it helps it is worth trying.

Your psychiatrist sounds very supportive.

i do hope things improve for you. keep posting we are here for you and are thinking of you.

Loula you are strong you have come through so much and you keep trying.

sending you kind thoughts

Quirky.