This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Loula]

Hi Tams that’s good your tracking your moods but sucks your in a basement mood. But it is a good thing when you can start feeling an episode come on. You can prepare for it. It’s good your getting intuen with your self. Really healthy.

Me oh man I’m going down well high fast. I’m all over the place and going backwards. But at least I know I’m going backwards and getting sicker and being active towards it I suppose then going stuff it. I’m trying to fight it. But I am failing on my own but I’ll see my other doctor next week and demand a medication increase. Fingers cross that works good with out to many side effects.

how are you finding medication for your self? Me I struggled for 2 years personally then found what I’m on now and was like wow light switch moment but I’m having a very stressful time in life so the meds are out of whack and not covering me at all 😞

[quirkywords]

Loula and Tams,and waves to everyone

I am sorry you both are struggling but glad you can communicate with each other and all of us here.

Tams it is very hard trying to make sense of everything but I keep us on up to date about how you feel.

Loula, I keep hoping they will find a balance with your meds. You may keep going backwards but you realise you are. YOu may fall down but you are fighting and trying and you will get up.

It is so difficult and it does not seem fair but it is worth the effort. I am still working it out after 40 years.

I am thinking of everyone on the basement level or struggling in anyway. be kind to yourself even in a small way.

Quirky

[Loula]

Saw doctor today now they want me on 3 medications! Not two but 3! I’m screaming so badly on the inside! I feel like falling on the floor and telling everyone how I feel. I feel like just kissing the hot guy at work. I just don’t care what happens. I’m really like over it! I don’t want a third medication. No no no no no freaking out!

[Ggrand]

Hello loula,

I am sorry that you have been given another med to take..It sounds like your not wanting to take the third one..I have been through so much different medication, they miss diagnosed me for two years, all those ad's had no affect on me at all..

Now since Ive been diagnosed with rapid cycle BP2, on top of other mh labels, Ive been on three different meds.. My 4th lot now, and only two but, to be honest...me personally, I would take any amount of meds a day to feel normal, I don't want to live in that hell hard place 24/7.. it's hard enough to live through it in a BP episode.

Kind thoughts,

Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Loula

has the doctor told you why they want you on another medication and how it will react with your existing medication,

i can sense your disappointment .

can you tell the doctor how you feel.

Quirky

[Loula]

Hi ggrand, it sucks being misdiagnosed. I was also misdiagnosed my whole teen years. I’ve also been on numerous medication but finally found a combination that works. I was so happy and now it doesn’t work and they want to throw a third one in there and the third one is a type of medication I generally don’t agree with so I’m so scared to take it. They generally make me a zombie. To me I rather be ill then a zombie.

Yes my GP told me why he wants me on this other medication as he’s scared I’m going into acute mania. What dose that mean? I still get confused by my illness. Basicly I’m taking a mixture of benzos and pain killers to help with the bipolar that should only be temporary but I’m tripling the dosage and adding painkillers playing rushinrulet and then the self harming. So he wants these to help calm me down.

but I go so upset I went back to work and cut my hair. I think I missed my calling.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

It must be so annoying and upsetting . I was diagnosed early but was denial. I was so

fortunate that I have only ever been on one medication fo nearly 28years.

i can't imagine how hard it is for you Grandy and Loula.

I have no wise words but lots of hugs and much support.

We are here for you and encouraging you both all the way.

Quirky

[Loula]

Could it be there is 100% nothing wrong with me? I just don’t fit into society so they want to drug me and make me part of the borning group? Like want can’t I live in a creative world? Why can’t I be me. This is how I was born. It’s my identity.

[quirkywords]

hello everyone reading

hello Loukas

i have wondered that why can't I fit in somewhere for messy creative disorganised people who have moods but are kind and compassionate.

Somewhere people are impatient, reckless and full of ideas and talk fast and think even faster but are accepted and encouraged to cope with their behaviours. People calm you on sad days .People there are different but all help each other to live in harmony.

Is there such a wonderful place, there might be but I have never found it, has anyone found a place like that?

Loula I hear your frustration but have no answers but I still search.

Quirky

[Loula]

There is a place for us it’s called earth. They just don’t understand us. It’s easier to drug us then learn to live with us. The world is a circle as we all know but the humans have made it into many little boxes and we don’t fit the box we fit the circle and they hate that. But the circle is natural, it’s who we are, it’s how we are born. But it’s not what man wants and come on us human suck. we are destroying the world by boxes.

I’m so mad at my hubby all I want to do is get pregnant but he’s refusing to as I’m on these tablets that I’m willing and want to stop ASAP but he forces me to take them. I just want to do what feels natural and I think I want a kid and I want it now. Why can’t I get what I want. And he’s like nope so I’m like well at least soon and he’s like nope and I’m like well I’m going off the meds and he’s like trying to tell me I’m really sick off them but he’s my husband he loved me before them and should want the real circle me. I’m not liking anything