This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Velvet, I used to come them mental health days. Your health is number one. I know it’s hard not to feel guilty but it’s indicative of you as a person.

Quirky I’m unable to do what I used to do.

Seeing a surgeon next week to sort out my troublesome hip. 
The price I’ve paid for over exercising. Something l continue to do.

[velvetfaerie]

My boss up and quit. Something had been brewing for ages. There is heaps of things that the managers haven't done for various reasons. I now get to go over piles of things to see what is missing etc.

Not sure this is my job?

Anyway so I'll do this. Slowly. And anything missing isn't my responsibility so I'll not fix it but report it as missing.

I am absolutely not fixing things that are their responsibility. I am also not cancelling health appointments, risking my health, for their own selfishness.

This hill, I will die on!!!! 

[velvetfaerie]

And for a funny = I started HRT yesterday. AHAHHAA. I'm old.

The 4th of July = ovary independence day. They will no longer be bound and governed by my pituitary gland!!! 

😁

[asdff]

Why do we get mixed messages with our brains? I had a little anger explosion today. Male teen had his report come home, even with parents support. One parent tutoring and has been a university tutor, said child got D grades in some classes. This was okay, I can cope with this. Then we have choose subjects for next year. So said child can graduate high school, okay cool. I can’t even gather my thoughts enough to get this all out. The anger has been building, the yelling that comes with the anger. Who else gets that? 

It’s nearly a day of my birthday. I have learned to not go overboard and plan too much, not ignite the hypomania. I had planned for two friends to go out for lunch. One friend has now cancelled, this friend is rather reliable but she also has a mental illness. Not the same as us. This annoyed me. 

I’ve been busy running the teens around for exams, test, end of school. Getting them to school at usual times. Back to the school grades. My father used to make a huge deal of my sibling not passing school subjects. My good two shoes equated getting good grades with love. My father didn’t give unconditional love, he didn’t know how to love and still doesn’t. His love language is acts of service. He doesn’t do hugs, hand holding none of that. No cuddles etc. okay, so boy teen with the grades. My sibling is now rather successful in his career and Dad dotes on that. Brags etc. me, the one with the mental illness runs around after everyone else and I FEEL unloved, unsuccessful. Then with the friend up cancelled I FeEl that supports that line of thinking. I’m sure there is more but I’ve managed to get it out.

[asdff]

Velvet, I thought about HRT. Thinking I was in menopause but lo and behold I got a period last weekend. When my Mother was staying over, yeah Great timing 😞😖. It had been six months between periods. My moods are so bad, add perimenopause into the mix 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

[velvetfaerie]

Have a blood test. It's a very easy one to do.

I've had 1 day of my hormone lotion and it made a significant difference already. 

Once you make peace with no longer being the always proactive friend/family member, life gets peaceful. 

Well, unless you have kids LOL! 

[quirkywords]

Aries sometimes I feel I find easy things so much harder. I am slower and I forget things. 
Velvet hope therapy helps. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff it is over 29 years sing youngest finished school so I know how hard you are helping your children. I think I was not as involved  as I might have been. back then parents were not encouraged to be involved. 

[quirkywords]

Velvet I used to family communicator but after fires I was not up too always make peace keeping in touch recalling birthdays. people say now I am a bad communicator but what my over 60 years of being a very frequent communicator. 

[velvetfaerie]

I completely understand Quirky.

You can't win with people with narcissistic traits. You need to be the ONLY proactive one then you back off then you're the bad person. This is why I no longer have friends.

This is why I won't ask any for help with my pending health tests and outcomes.

The moment they smell inheritance though watch them run to help. 

Humans are revolting.