I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years now and it never seems to get better.
everytime I start new meds I feel better for like a week and then it's back to it. I know that's how meds work but it's still frustrating to get a taste of what my life could be like.
I've done therapy and counselling and all that but I can never make myself believe I'll get better, which is probably why they don't work.
I think about suicide all the time but I feel like my depression isn't bad enough to make me actually do it. I sometimes wish my life would get worse so I could finally get it over with.
even when my depression isn't as bad as usual I still feel like I'm just pushing back my inevitable suicide. like no matter what I do it'll eventually happen and I'm just prolonging it.
because I feel like I'll never get better, I spend all my time hoping I'll just die. even if I do get better, I'll probably never be "normal" so it's hard to even care.
I've heard of being passively suicidal but I feel like this might be more than that idk tho.
