This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

V your weight must be coming my way! Lol I've put on about 3kilos since stopping smoking. I've been snacking on cashews. Quirky do you think your mental health has suffered due to closing down your business? If so how do you think it's effected you? What we do for a living influences how we see ourselves.

[velvetfaerie]

I hear you. I've been through that myself. Your body will find equilibrium, it just takes time.

Yes thats a good point as well. The mental health affects of business and job losses. It's just a horrendous cycle.

😞

[Airies]

Lisa, it’s natural to put on some weight when stopping smoking. After a while it’s balances out so I wouldn’t worry. Hope you recover quickly. I starting watching inventing Anna but couldn’t get past her character on Ozark.I think there’s a new season of Peaky Blinders coming out.

V good on you loosing a dress size , shopping locally and lots of walking.With the price of everything going up I can’t increase my raised veggie beds quick enough. I try and grow the bulk of my produce from seed and seed I’ve collected myself.

[asdff]

I am the meat in the sandwich. Spirally into depression.

[Airies]

I have dips, big dips into despondency . A lot better then what I was but surprised as to how flippant I can be about many things. Often on short trips I won’t wear a seat belt. Not a big thing.
I am tired of the sameness each day but it’s how I survive.
I don’t envisage living to a ripe old age.

[Airies]

Or skipping down the corridor singing and dancing with my arms in the air. The all or nothing thing. Even my pooch looks at me with a bemused look on his face.
Like a slow volcano, making up for lost time, ready to erupt. Once upon a time so so different.Often i long for normality an impossible existence.As I’m typing I’m singing away to Spotify.

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

I have spiraled a long way down today. Despite my study and all other interventions. I saw my GP who tried to help. It's hard, so so hard. However I have reached the end of the day and am still posting.

I have a jigsaw, have started it, but not got very far. I think a small business would be good for anyone's mental health, so many things to think of! Would take your mind off yourself. The GST would be hard to keep up though. We have got to the point with the fuel situation that we have to carefully choose where to go. It's that crazy! I hope you feel better soon Lisa. I have been fortunate so far not to have got COVID yet.

Ok back to the study.

Leisa

[asdff]

Oh Airies. Are we the same person? I’m not singing or skipping but I’ve been known to. All or nothing. Absolutely.

Leisa, I don’t know how you do it? Or maybe I do. I studied once. Plus I worked. My psychologist things I must have been manic. I need to question how can I have been manic. When I have what she diagnosed as BP2. I digress. Leisa, we are here for you. I told my mother I was spiralling. Oh fun times!!!

[quirkywords]

Lisa my shop and house burnt down in black summer fires so my retirement was forced on me. You are right my identity was based on having a book shop tha also sold a variety of things.

I volunteer a few days a week at an op shop. I feel beside the loss , I feel as a volunteer I am not valued because I am not paid.
I loved my shop and felt I was meant to be a shop owner. I think with the bipolar it makes it hard as I am not sure what is a reasonable response and what is the bipolar.

We all have problems and I admire the way people here have learnt to live with their moods and have such insights into behaviours and ways of coping.

Asdff and Aries I sing when I am alone and down more than when happy.

Leisa you are amazing to be studying. I hope you stop,spiralling.

Velvet, a 3 hr commute sounds outrageous. Choosing between fuel and food seems so unfair.
Wringer I can relate not being involved in decisions and having no say.

[velvetfaerie]

Quirky, what you've endured is second to none mate. And you're a fighter.

The potential commute is potentially, not a definite. I'm just anxious. I've a few options on my table to take depending on what presents itself.

Today my boss and I had a candid, open, unprofessional conversation about the last 2 years and beyond. The underhanded bullying and politics. Self serving behaviour. Manipulation. Extortion. And downright CORRUPTION!!!!

The tide is turning. Batter up. Game on. LETS GO. She is the boss of all the things and she has the support of every staff member there. She's cool. She's real. She's down to earth and honest.

The bullies think I'm stupid. Silence doesn't equate to stupid. 🙂