This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

I think we are all fighters.We have been diagnosed with this condition., been to hell and back and still have our moments and then some.My other half and I had a discussion on our morning walk re the possibility on only having a decade or so left. We are not that old but with what’s been going on who knows. I can’t wait for her to retire so we can do things, little things, big things just stuff together and also the space we need.

Quirky I can relate with retirement being forced on you. You are a community champion in more ways then one. I rarely get the comments you are to young to retire as I don’t socialise and when I do it’s not with strangers.

On a side note I follow Celluloid heroes on Fb. Gene Tierney suffered from mental had countless shock treatments, thankfully it’s a bit more regulated these days. My memory isn’t the best as a result but you guys I’m still standing. I keep on committing to things daily like diet, excercise and so on and by mid arvo I look for excuses.

[quirkywords]

Yes Velvet, Asdff, Airies we are all fighters, survivors and sometimes thrive .

I think our combined spirit to keep going under difficulties is encouraging.

Aries I start late at night to sort, tidy, organise social activities but in light of early morning I begin to regret my plans and start texting to cancel plans.

[velvetfaerie]

I have a work colleague and bonafide friend of 15 years. I told her we are survivors. She and I are very similar. Same troubles. Same grit. Been bullied. Similar family lineage. The whole lot.

Folks who haven't endured a bit of "stuff" in life have no idea how to handle it once it happens.

I've gone without things many times in life. It sucks, however it won't be permanent. I've told a few friends this. They ignored it and carried on. I'm like yep. Because you've zero concept as you've not experienced anything remotely difficult in your life.

Yet.

[asdff]

One of the fighters is back … me. V, I agree those who’ve had it easier their whole life, they can’t budget. Have to ask the bank of Mummy and Daddy for a car loan. Then even get gardening and housework help from Mum and Dad. Ummm what? Last time I checked you were an adult. Do it yourself.

[velvetfaerie]

Not to mention single income homes. Something else people take for granted.

Share houses - done that. Lots of fun. Shared with partner? Not so much.

At the end of the day I can say I did it myself. 100%. No inheritance. No bank of parents. No baby daddy.

Have to stay on top of things a lot though. Gets hard I tell ya.

[quirkywords]

I admire people who done thing by things for themselves made their own life .

I agree some people have no idea of how others have struggled as things seem so easy for them.

i knew a woman who once told ,e I had chosen depression and never understood mental health until she found herself very anxious and depressed.

[Leisa68]

Hi there,

Thank you for your thoughts. I have to ask Quirky how could someone state that you chose depression? Why on earth would anyone choose that for themselves? A lot of people do not understand mental health and I find that incredible. I'm in a world of hell at the moment and would never choose that for myself. You must have been cross with that person!

Yes another spiral today, but everyone was out of the house so had the luxury of having a big loud cry. That certainly helped. I have to go back out into the world tomorrow and meet a couple of friends, will put the brave face on the hope it doesn't crack. At least I am getting out, although I don't feel like it. On Friday the French Film Festival is in town, am going to see a movie called "The Kitchen Brigade". It's about a woman who is a trained cook and decides to open her own restaurant. The restaurant closes, and she then decides to teach French Immigrants how to cook with great success. Sounds like a nice little movie. I am going to keep on putting myself out there.

Au Revoir

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Leisa

I can’t recall the last time I went out to see a movie. The movie sounds entertaining.The on,y movies in my time are suspense thrillers or childrens..

The choice option is seen as not choosing depression as my elderly uncle said he chose not to be depressed after his wife died. I decided it was pointless not to argue with him as his mind was made up. He was too old to understand.

[Lisa611]

As if you would choose to have a mental illness! I think people don't really understand that it's a chemical imbalance of the brain. I know when my psych explains it to me it sounds a little confusing and complicated but it always makes me feel better that there's a physical explanation. Have been watching Netflix whilst I've been home. Watched inventing Anna...such a clever scammer! I read that she got paid from Netflix!

[quirkywords]

I have explained to people that for me bipolar is a chemical imbalance.

I find that I get triggered by things that I have no idea would upset me.

Does anyone else find this.?