This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

I wouldn’t thrive in chaos like Velvet but I wouldn’t lose my head in it either. Both my parents have worked in emergency services. I don’t freak out over blood, guys and ooze. If my State was under water. I would in there mucking in. That is in my nature and my upbringing. I do lose my sh&t over trival things. My husband said I was reactive today m. Again look at my upbringing. I was raised to be prepared for anything. Also I didn’t get a voice to say no. No I don’t want to do that. You did it and you didn’t complain. Off to read more about what’s going on with my bipolar peeps.

[asdff]

As for conflict and yelling. I am a teller. I am the angry one in my little family. My non nuclear family when growing up was very much a yelling family. My husband’s was not. He doesn’t like conflict. I could yell for days and it wouldn’t solve my problems. So I’ve learned to walk away. Like White Knight if I see conflict in the community, I will step in. I’ve ended up with a black eye because of it. However, I’m here. I am trying to diffuse my own anger. I am also becoming less demanding. Thanks years of therapy.

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Wringer, have it transferred to a non shared account and disappear!!!

**wink

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I admire you for diffusing your anger and being less demanding. I see myself as being easy going and low maintenance but others see me as demanding , imagine that.

The rain has stopped. I wish I was more patient less irritable.

[asdff]

Leisa… I wanted to write calm. What is calm? I don’t know that feeling well. I’m most of the time wound up. I do find that my son does give moments of calm too. He is a sweet natured young man. He may change though when the puberty monster hits.

[quirkywords]

I find if you want to make me tense tell me to just relax or be calm.
I feel I am ok so being told to unwind really annoys me.

[asdff]

Laugh out loud Quirky. I find the phrase calm down. Highly irritating. If I was bloo;y calm, so wouldn’t be in this state!

You know the phrase Surviving not thriving? This is me at the moment. I don’t think I ever thrived. Not even as a baby. Some of my needs weren’t met. My mother likes to elevate her guilt by saying a baby doesn’t care where is gets it’s love from. As long as it’s loved. Yeah lady but you left me with my grandmother so you could party and work.

[quirkywords]

asdff

I dont know if I thrive or survive but I must survive as I am here. I may thrive fir a shoer time. Someone told me my flowers thrived on neglect. Nowi9 keep saying thrive it is an interesting word; plants thrive do people thrive or do they thrive at the expense of others. Do rich people get richer while poor get poorer. Do confident people thrive at the expense of the more timid.

Thanks for getting my mind to overthink!!!

[asdff]

Oh no Quirky. Stop that overthinking. I am a Queen of doing that. However, tonight I am not doing it. It could be the jigsaw puzzle I was doing earlier. Even though I want to throw them in the bin at stages I persevere with them.

[Airies]

Asdff, good on you I wouldn’t even start on a jigsaw puzzle though I’ve been tempted many a time.
But I flit from one thing to another.Now exchanging my musical instrument for a slightly bigger one for my larger hands and hoping to join a non judgmental community group where playing as one is just fun.Putting a few feelers out but COVID has haulted many. It’s a long weekend here. Humid and the suns out and I’m just slouching on the couch.

hope my BP friends are doing ok