This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[wail]

I see a bad moon rising, I see trouble on the way,

I see earthquakes and lightnin', I see bad times today...

Greetings to Aries and yes Ken Done did the loud art, it takes me back to a different era. " Throw another prawn on the barbie mate."

Greetings to Velvet and thankyou for saving our wildlife, thankyou to Lisa for educating our young people and thankyou to Quirky for being a cool cat.

So I've been holding out, Monday night my husband binge drank to try and feel better. Result he was sick and in bed all day Tuesday. Wednesday he got up in a negative and spiteful mood, which was difficult to be in the room with.

All the while Saturday night my dads mum had passed away, she had dementia and poor health, I think her passing is a mercy. Tuesday night my half sister emailed me that's how I found out. Being excluded from the family is the old scab that hurts the most.

Today I am actually glad that the covid rules prevent me from having to decide if I crash the funeral. Because we all know that I would stuff it up, yes I would probably start singing ' Oh Danny Boy the pipes the pipes are calling...' as she is being lowered.

So it feels like I'm in an emotional drag net and slowly sinking and I surrender to the bipolar process in the hope that it will pass soon. M.

[Airies]

Wail, my condolences, dementia is a cruel disease. Have a history in the family. V, you finally got your pooch. Big, small I’m sure you will be on your toes. Rescuing wildlife as well. The world would be a better place with more people like you.

It’s r u ok day today?, It’s something that should be asked everyday.Lisa sounds like you’re very busy. I’m take my hat of to you and other teachers.

[velvetfaerie]

Another foster pooch. I'm doggy rehab.

[asdff]

Wail sorry for your loss. Alcohol is the drug of choice when people want to write themselves off. Readily available in Australia and society doesn’t bat an eyelid. Yes, I’m bitter about that. We have alcoholism in my family.

Yay for a doggy Velvet.

Hi Lisa, I drop in from time to time too.

Hi Quirky, how are you?

Airies?? maybe you are like me, dropping in.

[velvetfaerie]

Condolences Wail.

[quirkywords]

Wail sending my condolences and a hug.
Being left out of the fami,y communication network is painful.

years later I found out I was not invited to family events etc as I was to quote an embarssing problem and very unpredictable.

What I find hard in relationships that since I have bipolar everything must be my fault. I now don’t believe this.

[wail]

Greetings Quirky I am so glad you understand that fault is just a silly blame game. I think blamers need to take responsibility for their own part and not project onto others. Asdff do you know about Al anon, they have groups for people who have experienced, either past or present, the effects of living with an alcoholic. Velvet how did you train you man thing to clean house? my man monster still leaves his jocks on the floor. Aries to true, 'are you ok' needs to be asked a hole lot more often. So are you guy's ok?

[quirkywords]

Wail I like to leave my items where I know where they are, not clothes, but books, things. Partner moves things even clothes I am getting g out for tomorrow will be put away, books I am reading put away. I know I am lazy and messy but I would for once lik3 to put down an object some ten mins later be in same place!!

[asdff]

Wail, yes I know about Alanon and AA.

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Wail... no. Man thing had a guilt attack. I explained I simply cannot work fulltime and do the vast majority of home things, plus try and find time and energy doing things I enjoy / things for my health and welfare. He gets "him" time and hobbies. I don't. I said you either contribute or leave. I am sick of my life being lived for everyone else.

Man thing did all the gardens, floors, laundry and toilet that day and said he was tired. I said try doing that plus fulltime work, 5 days a week and then tell me you're tired!!! My days start around 5am and rarely stop before 8pm.... and that's not including exercise as I haven't been able to keep that up.

Things will change. They are changing. They change or their presence in my life changes.

As for writing yourself off... there is a lot more than just alcohol. I've done and seen a lot of things in my life......