This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[wail]

Where have all the flowers gone? Long time passing.

Where have all the flowers gone? Long time ago?

Greetings, it is the September 11 anniversary, so leave the telly off if the images of that day cause bad feelings. Quirky I am sorry if you live with a clean freak, I like my house to have a comfy lived in feel. My half sister used to take plates off the table way to early, which actually made her guests depart. We leave the last persons' birthday cards on a shelf until the next persons' cards arrive, this is my father in laws ritual. But I draw the line at dirty jocks on the floor, when I carry the jocks to the laundry, I use a pincer grip and if husband see's me he'll say 'ah it's not that bad'. I will not nag him because he loves bickering. I just make sure his dad or his brother are in the house when I pincer his pants to the laundry, I silently shame him. This is the eternal bambino and he will only change when he wants to.

Velvet your work week is full on and it is so important to keep restructuring you timetable until you find your groove. I praise your man thing for helping out and if he feels guilty ( an admission of wrong doing) then he is a good person. I hope this new dog brings you comfort and laughs. Cheers

[Lisa611]

We have a power outage again. It's affecting the whole area. Should get the power back on in about 2hrs. Quirky the workload has been pretty intense. Doing everything online including assessments and marking students work. I've gotten use to working from home and I've come to like it. I go back to school at this stage on October 25th but my school is in a hotspot zone so that might change. I'm on holidays for 2 weeks after this week so I'm trying to get as much done as I can. My daughter's wedding is now in January. It will go ahead even if only 50 people are allowed. I finally spoke to my other half's son about taking my money. His apology was very flippant. I told him he had to pay me back but he seems to have forgotten. I haven't gone to the last 2 GROW meetings because I find by the end of the day I'm too tired to look at the screen again. I will try and go this week. I think I'm going fairly well. I had a meeting with the principal last week which went really well. The principal's position is being advertised. She has been the relieving principal for 2yrs. I'm hoping that somebody new gets it but I think she'll get it. After being in hospital going into remote learning has been a nice way to ease back into work as you don't have to deal with any behaviour problems and there are less interruptions. I think at the moment I'm on an even keel. The meds are doing their job. I'm lucky that I have a supportive partner. He accepts me the way I am and for that I'm grateful.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

I like that you and others have a partner who likes you and accepts you just the way you are.

On my 3rd partner I just have not ever even dated someone who accepts and my family and friends dont to the extent they say be yourself, but then they tell me I how I can be quiter, kinder, tidier, better dressed, better groomed, less of a nagger etc etc. I know you can be accepted and still people may mention self improvement.

I have accepetd who I am and that will never be very different and have changed things over the years.

[Lisa611]

Quirky before I met my partner I was worried that whoever I was with would leave if I got sick again due to mental illness. Luckily my current partner understands mental illness to a degree because he had his own mental health issues about 6yrs ago. He also saw a psych. He's no longer on meds and no longer sees a psych now. At first he couldn't understand why I also couldn't come off the meds. I have tried to explain to him that I'll be on meds forever. He was great when I was in hospital. He has seen me somewhat manic and has seen me really low. He hasn't been with me when I've been really sick though. He's a good guy. I only wish I met him 20yrs ago!

[wail]

Greeting Quirky and Lisa, I think quirky's self acceptance is the most important acceptance of all. I have found that humble people are most likely to understand and appreciate difference.

My mum used to attract a certain type of man, she was like a magnet for those blokes. Where as me, I liked that my husband offered me an extended family and we all live at the same address, I call it the pondarosa. Cheers

[quirkywords]

LisaThe funny thing is I have had good male friends, I had one who really got me but he only ever wanted to be friends. We stayed friends for a while but my new partner did not understand having a male as a friend,

so figure this I have wonderful caring platonic male friends yet the romantic partners I choose do not get me and one even thought bipolar was a fad!,.

Enough of quirky not passing relationships 101 .

[asdff]

Everything I touch turns to sh$t. I have broken something around the house yet again. My husband called me stupid. It doesn’t help that my teen is crying because she has the wrong shirt. It’s not the right length or some rubbish. Like really? Some of us have mental health problems and you are crying and yelling about a shirt. I didn’t go to the gym this morning to try and give my body a rest. I’m there 7 days a week and my jeans are getting tight. Shouldn’t I get rewarded for exercise, oh no I get bigger muscles.

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Wail.... such an incomprehensible event I still can't wrap my head around it 20 years later. I really can't understand how people can be so awful to other living things really. I hate ego. I hate narcissistic people. The world's know it all's are usually blind to the pain they cause others and the rubbish they talk.

I'm supposed to be tutoring man things offspring. I knew the day would come. Her parents don't help her. Science isn't their thing. We shall see. At the moment her Nana is probably having a go at helping. Just want to get her confident. She isn't an academic but just to get her though.

My medicine has slowed me down enough to sit and reflect and make decisions to help myself regarding the good old timetable. I've done 3 workouts in 4 days and it's helped the depression a lot. Still deeply introspective at the moment though. I've also done some training with pooch and acted like a couch potato hehehe.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

i would like medicine that would slow me down, stop me overthinking, and stop me falling apart when loved ones say I made a mistake when I didn’t .

asdff can relate I am always breaking things and being blamed for things that I didn’t do.

[velvetfaerie]

Mine isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. No one is. It's helping me address the lifetime of everything. I reckon I still ovethink.... I just logic it slower and more rational.

Everyone makes mistakes. There is no wonder pill.

I just spent 2hrs washing and polishing my car. So SHINY!!!