This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[wail]

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you, for all my life,

When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue, for all my life...

Hugs to Quirky, good luck to Asdff, Hi to Aries and Hey there, to Velvet.

Yum is the white chocolate snickers bar Yum Yum. I don't envy you Asdff on the social media fopar, I hear that all types of people fluff that one up regularly. When 'we' go to art shows I remind my husband to only say nice things until 'we' are back in the car. And yes, Quirky I do hide my lows because my husband has co-dependant issues and he will follow me down.

To all the BP people I hope you get some rays of sunshine today. Cheers

[velvetfaerie]

Wail - Charlie Watts has left the building dude 😞

(And I know that's not a Stones quote heheh).

And it didn't take long. Another doggo. Currently working on the finer points due to his quirks with view to arrive in 1.5 weeks. They want us to help train him with regards to some troublesome behaviour. Man thing said this would happen hahaha. Yeh well... animals is one of my hyperfocuses and indeed expert areas!

So Is eating nutella from the jar.

I've been quiet because a bit busy and tired.. and focussed lol.

V.

[wail]

If you see my little red rooster, Please drive him home,

If you see my little red rooster, Please drive him home,

I had no peace in the farm yard, Since my little red rooster's been gone...

Yes, R.I.P. to Mr. Watts and congratulations to Velvet about the dog.

How considerate training wayward animals, I think they used to have Nutella- Fests, they were before, the feels like, never ending Covid- Fest. Cheers and stay safe

[asdff]

Yes Quirky I don’t just not tell family it’s friends I hide it from too. However, once I’ve told one person I’m not well. It easier to tell someone else. It is VERY hard to tell a first person. I can be sitting across from someone and can’t say I’m not okay.

sending love and light to you I get it. I truly do. We walk through the depths of hell.

[quirkywords]

wail

a line from a song and I may not have it right as I am not googling.

"I would trade all of my tomorrows for a single yesterday."

Not me I would not.

Velvet Yay for new doggo.

Never really got a taste for nutella but I like actavite but hard to find these days.

[wail]

Why she had to go, I don't know, she would'nt say,

I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday...

Hello to Asdff and Hi ya to Quirky

Asdff, who is the first person, that you most often reveal, your unwellness too?

Quirky, are you living a life of no regrets?

I just collected a large adult push scooter for my husband, older dudes look so cool scooting and I just know he will love it when summer comes around. Cheers

[quirkywords]

wail, I used have a few regrets .In my older age i try to see my bad decisions as opening up opportunities for me.

That is a convoluted way of saying I dont care about past choices but focus on the present and future. I think I have read too many self help books!!

Do you have any regrets.?

[Lisa611]

Hi All...we celebrated book week today. The English faculty dressed up as characters from Harry Potter. We ran an online book quiz for staff and students and gave out prizes. It was a fun day. It's a busy time at the moment. There are yr 11 & 12 reports to do and there is a fair bit of marking coming up. I think everyone is over online learning especially the kids. They are missing the social interaction with their friends. Yesterday we had an online wellbeing day. The English faculty zoomed a baking cookies workshop. We had about 60 kids join the zoom. The other day we had a whole school zoom and that's when it hits you how many students are missing online. I have a teleconference booked in with my psych tomorrow. It will be my first one over the phone. Not the best way to "see" your psych. I went to another GROW support meeting last night. I've been to a few now. The meetings are very structured. People share problems and the group offers solutions. There were 10 people online. I think I'm doing ok. I have my moments where I still think negative thoughts but it's not so intense. I'm not sure if that makes sense but it's the only way I can explain it. When I was deep in depression the negative thoughts were constant and intense. I'm missing my daughter's but we've been zooming on a Sunday night to play trivia.

On another note my partner's son is 20yrs old. He lives with us. I caught him out using my card to buy food. He was waiting for us to go to bed then he would go to my bag get out my card and get McDonalds or Dominoes pizza delivered. He spent over $200 of my money!!! I haven't spoken to him about it. To be honest I'm not even sure what to say. He's not a kid! He's been caught stealing. What do you say? He hasn't even apologised. He hasn't said one thing. What would you say or do?

[quirkywords]

Lisa

what did you dress as.?

Does your partner know what son did ..? If not will you tell him. ..?

[Lisa611]

Quirky- I was Professor McGonagall. Yes, my partner knows. He said something to his son. The son isn't talking to either of us. When he gets home from work he walks straight past us and goes to his room. I don't feel like it's my place to say anything about his behaviour. My partner knows how I feel about the money. He offered to give it to me and said he was sorry even though it wasn't him. I don't leave my purse out on the coffee table when I go to bed now. What is really pissing me off is his lack of remorse and his lack of respect.