This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[wail]

If you should ever leave me, Though life would still go on, believe me,

The world could show nothing to me, So what good would living do me,

God only knows what I'd be without you,

Smiles to Quirky and Empathy to Lisa.

Lisa I know little of your family but experience tells me that a 20 year old stealing from family, is a red flag for drug use. I wonder what Professor Mcgonagall would do? I tried Grow group but I prefer the support groups that include an activity. I go to a dance class for depressed women, we used to have singing but covid shut it down. Men's sheds are similar, you do stuff to feel better. If I sit around listening I will be inclined to judge others, so I dance and laugh instead. Lisa look high an look low to see, if such a group is near you because it is a real boost.

I am so happy Quirky that regrets do not bother you, 'I think I have read too many self help books' that is so funny, Quirky it should be a bumper bar sticker!

'Key the violins'- I regret that my mothers' depression/crying/drinking, repelled me, we had nine years together and I preferred to hide up a tree than help her. I now care for all my friends to correct my error.

Ok ! winner winner chicken dinner- for 2 mornings I have woken at 0344am- SO take the number 3 and the number 44 and the number 4 and the number 34, add 3+4+4= number 11, add 1+1= number 2

2-3-4-11-34-44 / lets all win lotto together or not!! Cheers

[asdff]

Lisa, That is nasty of your partner’s son. I thought the same as Wail. That stealing will lead to drug use. He has no respect.

[wail]

Where it began, I can't begin to knowing, But then I know it's growing strong.

Was it the spring, And spring became the summer,

Who'd have believe you'd come along...

So happy that my husbands low is lifting and he has been up and out of bed, all day today. The last two nights have been hard because he was so irate, it was like he had to come through this wall of hate. Last night all I wanted to do was my crochet and watch a serial but he kept picking away. You guys all know the good wolf/ bad wolf story? Yer well, I had to keep well clear of the big bad wolf and it stressed me to the max!

Then this afternoon after he huffed and puffed and still got no heat, he apologized, 'Sorry if I was mean, I just feel like crap'. So this is good, really good for my nerves and I will sleep well tonight.

Do you like my wattle image? and Has anyone ever used wattle as cut flowers in the house? I did buy four lines in Saturday's lotto using the lucky numbers, it only cost $3.30 less than an easy pick.

So I want to thank Beyond Blue, Quirky, Velvet, Asdff, Aries and Lisa, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for making it possible for me to utilise this valuable service during my time of need. Cheers M

[quirkywords]

Wail

you and your song lyrcis mist welcome here whether in times of need or times of calm.

I just like being around people that get me and I dodnt need to keep explaining or making excuses and saying sorry. My partner doed not have a diagnosis but can be controlling etc . I find it hard to be support and patient like you are.

[velvetfaerie]

My reply yesterday didn't work.

Just quickly before an appointment..... I think he is stealing because of drug use or a gambling problem. It's wrong.

I'll come back later. Soz this was so short.

[quirkywords]

Not sure if anyone else stole when they were manic. I did a few times and it is something I apologized repaid with interest but I feel very guilty. I know people still for many reasons mine I was very impulsive and didnt think about it and it was against who I usually was.

[asdff]

Thanks for your honesty Quirky. It is much appreciated.

I’m flipping and flopping like a fish over here. Flipping from one activity to another. Why can’t we use our energy for good?

[Lisa611]

He brought junk food with the money. He is obese and has a food addiction. Saw my psych today. Ended up seeing him face to face. He said I'm doing well. He doesn't want to see me for 4 weeks. Am watching the Paralympics. Some of the athletes are amazing! Their determination is incredible. My eldest daughter sent me a surprise gift in the mail! It made my day. She sent me some books to read during lockdown. Hope everyone's week is going well. Sending hugs to anyone that's struggling.

[quirkywords]

I am watching Paralympics too I find their stories amazing. It is humbling.

I wonder if there was an Olympic event for procrastination I would be there but maybe not as I would put ot off..

what event would others shine in .? My partner said nagging for me !, my children would say being indecisive.

[asdff]

Quirky your post made me smile. I would shine in an event where we would complete part of a puzzle, part of a chore, part of something, something else. Making sure we change before the task is complete. Bipolar is giving me the sh$ts today. I can’t stay on task. Wait, I lie I hung all of the washing out and did two lots of dishes so that is something. Other events I would shine in; yelling. Oh boy I’m good at that. A chucking events, go into someone’s house and find twenty things that could be chucked out. If it’s athletic, you have to toss the items from the house to the skip bin. Also gold medal event, talking. Small talk. I can talk the leg off a chair. Hello hypomania.