This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet

that is great that the medication is having results quickly.
Doggo sounds like a wonderful companion I get angry that someone would treat a dog so badly. I hope you have a long time together.

[asdff]

The sun is actually out in my home city. It was out yesterday too. We haven’t had two days of sunshine in such a long time. Way too long.

I am glad you have a diagnosis and medication Velvet. I am waiting on a psychiatrist appointment as I am not great. Why does it feel like we walk through mud everyday? Like we wear dark glasses when other wear rose coloured glasses. Would it be easier if we had a physical disability? I think it would. People could see that we struggle. I think we are the most resilient bunch of them all. We are still here argyle being knocked down and around. Again and again.

[Airies]

Velvet, so glad the medication is working. I was on ADHD medication for years , was good on it and would crash when not. Good on you for getting the right meds, treatment and psych. It’s one hell of a journey. I’m not making light of your journey, mine or anyone else’s. We have all been through so so much. What sort of dog did you get? I’ll bet it will be loved to bits. I’d love a mini foxy rescue dog when mine gets older but have been told small dogs are rarely forwarded.

asdff, lots of people don’t know how to deal with our mental health. A broken arm is a quick fix, same old, same old but mental health so many things come into play.Supposed to have a couple of sunny days here in Vic. Think the forecasters got ahead of themselves. My group therapy is supposedly on next week. Will wait with baited breath as to where and when. My fund covers sessions for the year but im up for hundreds of dollars initially. I’ve had lots of therapy over the past 5 years. I’m guessing there’s only so much one can do and I’m stuffed beforehand and afterwards

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Asdff yes I think we are resilient but at times I have wondered if I will bounce back or even claw my way back.

aries I know that people are more informed and understanding than back in 1970s when I was seen as lazy, rude and too young and fat to be depressed. I felt constant shame. My parents would whisper.

I know there is still stigma but with the internet and forums like this, there is some change.
I suppose I am honest with people who understand but with others including family who tell what am so Tired , or tell me am lucky I don’t have cancer. I dont tell them how I really feel.

[amberlite]

Hello again Autism calling, I had a strong feeling last night MAD, I have to do something physical like chop wood to stop it. Today I was unresponsive, it wasn't like Asdff, walking through mud it was more like I am the mud. From what I understand, LIMITED, a world without bipolar would be a lesser place. I read from your posts that you may be challenge by life and I get this part. Rough diamonds and is that a dung beetle? LOL

[asdff]

Amberlite, We bipolar people get mad/angry a lot. That is my main emotion. Yes, physical things help. I like chopping wood too. Although, I don’t have a large axe. Just a small one that gets used chopping roots and bushes in the garden.

[Anastasia V]

Wow, this explanation has helped me in further understanding what you go through. I admire the strength that you all have to continue fighting everyday.

Sending as much virtual courage and understanding as possible.

[amberlite]

hello autism again, my mad is like a boot of discomfort, when I was small I would hit my head. As an adult I do physical pursuits to expel the discomfort. The general bipolar mad/angry emotion is it passionate? I never feel relieved after a feeling has passes, I tend to be numb until I balance. Do you get some relief after expressing an emotion? I experience this world from what sometimes seems like a glass tank filled with water and my experience is distorted by layers. Thank you for communicating with me it is awesome.

[quirkywords]

Amberlite I am often exhausted after expressing anger or another emotion. I have always wanted punhing bag so I could punch away my feelings. I have felt numb to .

Thanks for explaining how you feel.

Anastasia thanks for your kind words.

asdff I like digging or weeding.

[asdff]

I had a punching bag as a teenager. It was very helpful. Like you Quirky I am exhausted after expressing strong emotions; usually anger or sadness.