This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

hello everyone reading and posting
Lisa

Thanks for your update. It sounds quite hectic. How did you feel about being back at school.
Do you feel more confident about online teaching as you have done it before.?
Are the zoom classes on at same time as face to face classes would have been. Are the students not attending zoom doing their own learning with their parents or whatever.?
Just realised I have asked a lot of questions.

How is everyone.?
Do you see yourselves as a pessimist and optimist or a realist.?
My family would say I am a pessimist but I would say realist.? Also depends on my mood.

[Airies]

Lisa, sounds good.Be kind to yourself and look after number 1 ( yourself) . I think we are all very giving people often at the expense of ourselves.
Quirky I would describe myself as a pessimist. I have become pretty negative and have been told I’m such a grump. I haven’t excercisec, eating lots of junk and it’s just part of the cycle.That all or nothing. We shall see. I will try and get moving tomorrow

[Guest9337]

quirkywords said:

How is everyone.?

Do you see yourselves as a pessimist and optimist or a realist.?
My family would say I am a pessimist but I would say realist.? Also depends on my mood.

I've been all three and so have many other people... err sorry for how the following turns out.

Also "In the American and Dutch samples, we found that optimism increased across younger adulthood, plateaued in midlife, and then decreased in older adulthood." William J. Chopik, Jeewon Oh, Eric S. Kim, Ted Schwaba, Michael D. Krämer, David Richter, Jacqui Smith,
Changes in optimism and pessimism in response to life events: Evidence from three large panel studies,
Journal of Research in Personality,
Volume 88,
2020,
103985,
ISSN 0092-6566,
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2020.103985.
(https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0092656620300738)
Keywords: Optimism; Lifespan development; Life events; Aging; Time perspective; Adult personality development.

cheers dng.

[quirkywords]

Aries

I am called an old grump at times.I am hiding my scales as I have been weighing myself every second day. I got to a low weight for me but Istill felt pudgy. then is less than a week i had put on 2 kgs, how does one do that. Still feel the same. I am moving but cold weather not being able see grandchild for at least another two weeks. menas comfort eating!!

Thanks david . I know youn people who are pessimist and older people who are optimistic just depends on the person.

[asdff]

Pessimist. Without a doubt.

[Lisa611]

Quirky I don't know how other schools approach online learning but at my school every lesson starts off with a zoom which is like a video conference. Students follow their normal timetable. We have alot of students who unfortunately would be doing nothing at home. Alot of effort is put into making the online lessons engaging for the kids. It's much easier this time around because you know what you're doing and you know what to expect.

[Lisa611]

I guess my outlook depends what state I'm in. I try to be positive but when I'm in a depressed state everything is horribly negative.

I went to my second support group meeting last night. It was good. I asked the group what they thought about telling my principal. Their advice was mixed. One guy who also has bipolar said he had told his boss. I think I will wait till this lockdown is over and the meds fully kick in before I make a decision. I will have a clearer head.

[quirkywords]

Lisa, only you know when or if it feels right to tell.

Waiting for lock down to be over sounds like a good idea.

I think mood does affect pessimism or optimism, I think when I was high I had over the top totally unreal optimism and when depressed I had totally ureal pessimism.

I think expecting the worst while hoping for the best and having low exepctations works for me so I dodnt get disappointed when things dont work out.

[quirkywords]

It is cold and windy and raining , I am on lockdown. It is after midday and am trying to motivate myself to have a shower. My life has change so much in 19 months.

I enjoy hearing anything people reading this whether you are a new poster or you post on and off.

I feel now my volunteer work is on hold and I do feel a bit isolated.

I like reading stories about real people and how you cope.

[Guest9337]

Eventually people tell me when I need a shower, for I seem almost unable to smell myself.

I am still discovering new ways to cope. Essentially every post I make is towards coping.

If I am unmotivated, then emotionally flat and/or sadness are dominating me. For neither of those are motivating, they are instead sapping.

So I go back to my values and ask, what motivates me now?

I suppose the water running through my hair, going from dry and neutral temperature to warming wetness and eventually heated saturation is a motivating way for me to think/feel about a shower.