This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Velvet you are not worthless. As quirky sai

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

I agree Velvet keep going but pause, maybe rest, find your compass and start again.

I hope your sleep helped you.

[Airies]

...fat fingers ... you deserve better. I hope you woke up feeling a whole lot better. Do things to be kind to yourself. It’s all about you. You come across as such a giving person. I’m ok if it happens again might move to normal pedals. I’ve had more prangs in the past year then in the previous 20.
Cheers

[velvetfaerie]

Hahaha fat fingers.
This am I have a Dr appointment so I'm going to be walking to that and maybe just going to do my own thing today.

[quirkywords]

I have fat fingers, not sure what that coimment was about!

Velvet enjoy doing your own thing.
Airies do we have more prangs as we age. I find I am more clumsy now and dont drink from a glass as I often drop it.

[asdff]

I am the cryer 24/7 when down low. I can cry enough for you and me Airies.

How am I tracking? Not great. You all know, I love exercise I use it as a tool. I've been doing the stairmaster for 30 mins a day, plus more. Anyway now my quads are getting bigger. I only noticed as it's finally shorts weather in WA. Guess who is stopping the stairmaster? Me. Back to skipping to thin these big boys down.

I had someone the other day say to me, you are a kept woman. This was in response to what do you do for work. I wanted to say well if you can find me a paid job that works with bipolar, raising a family and keeping my husband happy then I've take it.

Airies, ouch on the bike fall. Do you have muscular quads? It must be my brain that is prone to an Eating Disorder that is horrified that they are so big.

[Airies]

Asdff , strong quads are ok. I envy you that you can skip. I tried brought a fancy rope and gave up. I’m like you and a Velvet I need excercise always have. Stair master sounds wicked. I remember it from my gym days. Back from a 20 k walk with my pooch. Both of us knackered. Trying to loose weight for the wedding. My quads are ok. The rest a work in progress. I ate so much crap on grand final night I felt so so sick. A kept women You did well to hold your toungue. I having nothing but admiration for what you and others do

[velvetfaerie]

I walked today that's it.
5km round trip for an ultrasound and bloods. All ok so far. Not what we thought it was hahaha. Yay. This is a good thing.

Needed the walk for my mind.

Quads. I loved it in highschool when I was called thunder thighs all the time. NOT !!!

Kids are mean. People are mean. Our brains are mean to ourselves.

[asdff]

He is lucky I didn't hurt him. I am prone to anger. I can't remember what I said but it was not pretty.

Velvet that beautiful line. I was called that by a boy (15) in P.E. that later at a party. Held me against my will. I am lucky I am mouthy and yelled and another boy came and got him off me. Yeah fun times. Not.

Airies, the stairmaster is wicked. People complain how boring it is. Bipolar me, sees it as a challenge. However, my quads busting out of shorts have now told me to lay off it. Plus the spin class and leg press 😞

[quirkywords]

I was told by a boy I had legs like Argie Beetson. I never knew who he was or what meant till years later when he came to the school I taught at. Then I knew how mean the boy was.

Asdff I like repetitive activities and only movies I watch are ones I have seen before.
How dull am I ?