This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

What set me off today? Stupid complicated families. Bloody step families. The step Niece is pregnant at a young age. I think you all knew that. Regardless of being pregnant mum and Step dad pander to those teens. Run them around. The pregnant one has no license. She is old enough to have one. My her age. My Mother and Step father had moved further away. I either had to go and live with them or move out. I moved out. I still had to attend uni and work to pay for being on my own.

I described just the uni stuff and living out of home to a teacher friend today and she said that is traumatic. She didn’t even get the childhood and toddler stuff. I was glad someone acknowledged it. I wish someone would apologise for leaving my home City and moving away.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

asdff

It is sad that other people make de idioms for us that affect us for years. I am sorry you felt so alone.

[quirkywords]

I read this meme on social media.

“When life gives you a thousand reasons to break down and cry,

show life you have a thousand reasons to Smile and laugh .

Stay strong“

I am not sure how others feel about this quote but it annoys me.

What is wrong with crying when life gives you reason?

why must I laugh and smile when I have reason to cry.?

Being vulnerable is not a weakness.

[velvetfaerie]

Whole heartedly agree Quirky.
"It's ok to feel."
My quote last night. Things spurred it on. Won't bore you.
It is ok to have feelings and to show them. It's being human. Helps others understand you etc etc. Being transparent. Communication tool. Crying is communication.

[quirkywords]

Velvet.i feel we are encouraged to be positive no matter how we are suffering.
Of course if we cry 24/7 we may need support.

I hope you are ok and you never bore us. If you want to share we will listen.

[Airies]

I struggle to feel, struggle to cry these days. Whether it’s a protective measure and an affect of the meds etc. i would love to cry at the appropriate time.can relate to when crying 24/7 back during my dark period. Hope everyone is ok. Bit battered and bruised, managed to fall off my treadle from a standing start. Serves me right for riding in a gale. Wasn’t the winds fault .

[quirkywords]

Airies

I used to feel numb not care feel nothing in my lowest times. I am not sure what is worse numbness or non stop crying.

[velvetfaerie]

Airies, that must have been some wind! Hope you are ok.

I am struggling at the moment. Long story. I'm very tired too so.. haha.

Just feeling very worthless thanks to the behaviour of my partner.

[quirkywords]

Velvet don’t let anyone make you feel worthless. You deserve better.

I admire the way you struggle and keep going.

[velvetfaerie]

You have to keep going. It's ok to pause for a bit though, to gather a sense of direction. My pause tonight is a sleep. I hope you all have a good night.