This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Quirky you are like my Mum. She said it was her job to teach us how to live in our own. I do need her though she is my main support person. However, I am not dependent on her. I see other mother daughter relationships where they are co dependant on each other. It’s nauseating.

[quirkywords]

Asdff my children need me for babysitting and is bringing us together. I never drive so my children had to walk a lot and learnt how to get buses and trains.

[velvetfaerie]

Had traumatic event yesterday.
I'm still very upset.
Neither my training, experience or qualifications were going to help.
Why are people so mean to life forms who can't defend themselves?
Animals. Kids.

😞

[quirkywords]

Velvet

that is so awful. I read once that children who are cruel to animals and I mean really cruel sometimes grow up to be violent criminals. Of course if they get help this can change but it is a warning sign.

I am sorry you had witness this and hope you are ok.

[velvetfaerie]

Hard to explain.
Still so upset.
But if you hit any animal with your car PLEASE STOP AND CHECK.
Sometimes accidents happen. But please check!!! Take 5 mins from your day!!!
Carry blankets or towels.
What I dealt with was an endangered species that had to go through reporting due to the species status.

:(

[velvetfaerie]

I'll add - we didn't have the accident. Someone else did and didn't stop. I saw things that indicated it was very very recent. Within minutes and got man thing to turn around and go back.

[quirkywords]

Sorry Vekvet I was confused thought you meant kids hurt the animals.
That is terrible what happened . you are so kind.

[asdff]

Who is all over the shop today? Me, I am. I want to do things, housework etc. My brain is just feeling scattered, like should I be here? Should I be there? My Mother would have described the feeling as Ants in my pants. She would say (name) do you have ants in your pants? So I guess I can’t sit still.

[asdff]

I harnessed the beast that is hypomania and got my to do list done. Not an easy task when you are here and there.

[asdff]

Do have loud neighbours? I do. Just one set. It’s always this house that is loud. It’s a rental and it’s always the tenants that live in this house that are annoying. This set. The Dad comes home from work and screams playfully with the toddler. He also has a loud squeaky treadmill and he plays stupid music while on it. The tenants before had a piano in their garage. They also smoked meat right into our yard. So their driveway and garage face onto our yard.