This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Yes indeed. I have done some resting but I am starting to think I was burnt out more than I realised.

[quirkywords]

Velvet I think we don’t know how exhausted we are until we stop and rest.

[velvetfaerie]

Can't sleep.
Man thing lied to my face. After direct questions. Furious. 3 questions I asked numerous times only to be lied to. I found out the truth and went spare. Told him what I thought and demanded my house keys back. He packed a case and left and has the audacity to play the victim now. Now he is homeless. CRY ME A RIVER MATE!!!
How dare he. After all
I have endured for him. For his situation, that he created with his ex out of his own lies!!!
I didn't pull any punches. Told him is a disgusting manipulative liar like his ex. Neither of them Don't care about who they hurt, so long as they get their own selfish needs met.
I don't know what to do.
I feel misled. Used. Convenient. Dirty.

I truly don't think there is a solution anymore. He's lied to me before.

I am repulsed by him now.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I am sorry you can’t sleep and for man thing tell you lies.

i can see you feel betrayed . It is so hard being with a liar and he has lied before.

This feels so u fair you are having time off to relax and re energise and now this.

I am so shocked and upset for you.You deserve so much more.

Why should you feel dirty you you have done nothing wrong.

Did this happen yesterday, Thursday ?

Did you get any sleep ?

I am not sure anything I can do to help but you know this is a place you can be safe to speak your mind and be yourself.

Sending calm thoughts and a virtual hug.
Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Found evidence Thursday afternoon. Went off my face. Went to gym for therapy. Got home. Went off my face again. Playing the victim when you made the errors infuriates me.
Very little sleep.
This on top of a few other unrelated things.

I guess I feel dirty because I've tried to work on some speedbumps we have had, only to be kicked in the face this way. He took the cowards way out.

Amicable between he and I is a few days off. I'll need a good sleep first. I have not been this angry in a very long time.

[quirkywords]

Were you both surprised at how angry you were?

You sound hurt and disappointed as well.

I hope you feel better after a good sleep.

Has man thing contacted you?

[velvetfaerie]

Yeh surprises all around to be honest.
I'm just resting on the couch watching funny stuff.
We have messaged. I made it well known he needs to step up and do the work to fix this and change his immoral ways. Not negotiable. Final warning. This sitting back wanting me to fix it has knobs on it

[quirkywords]

Velvet he must be very special to be given a second chance.
you feel confident he knows what to do.

Take care.

[asdff]

Quirky we have an extended family member that always plays the victim. She more a step relation. Anyway I find her tiring and the drama follows her. When really she allows the drama in. If you stand up for yourself every now and then, the drama does not follow you.

I’ve been away the last few days seeing Mum and Step Dad. Mum thanked me for helping. I said I always helped even as a kid. She said I know.

Velvet, he better prove himself worthy of you. I’ve seen the bloke get kicked out before and claim homelessness. In a couple at school. These two are toxic together. She is good on her own. Then the narcissistic worms his way back in and she gets dragged down with him. I hope you get some rest.

[velvetfaerie]

Playing the victim isn't an attractive quality. Especially seeing though the true victims don't play this card and the ones who do are just manipulative and not the victim at all!!!

Well he just got back. No heads up. Bashed the door. Woke me up. Now he's going to sleep.

I am thinking of a loud heavy metal docco soon given he has utilised the original lounge and not a bedroom. (Centre of house. No doors).

Meh.