This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

AsdffI choke on food when eating and talking.

i hate that feeling. If not choking I burp a lot.

Never thought of it as a bp thing just rushing.

[asdff]

Raise your hand if you feel shite today? Me!!!!!! Doing all the jobs that no one else wants to do, like buying shoes for the teenage girl. Do not do it. That was painful. She ended up with bascially the same pair that she had previously. The only rhyme or reason for her choice was colour. It drove me bat shit crazy. I tried online, sending photos. No no no. The other crappy tasks that no one wants to do the washing, the vacuuming that I am not allowed to do weekday as husband works from home. Taking kid to early morning sport. The same kid that got new shoes yesterday and would rather sleep in. Thank goodness Mum is getting a night off tonight. Laughter and silliness with friends. It is needed.

[Airies]

I don't know how you do it Asdff. Teenage kids, all yours.My sons been on my back to bike ride for weeks. I can't be bothered . Feel lethargic by mid arvo. I do what I can re housework . Normally my wife works in a normal world. Laughter is good. Hope you get a good dose.Busy reddening my garden for Spring Summer. No so thing as a no maintenance garden. At least the sun was out today.hard work walking with a mask. Have no time for people who blatantly refuse to,

[quirkywords]

Asdff

when by boys needed shoes I would give the money I could afford and they would buy a pair they would wear and the knew if they wasn’t suitable they would have to return them

[velvetfaerie]

I am so glad I don't have kids. My life is crazy enough.
I work with a bunch of toddlers. Lol.

I've been doing chores, exercise, tv, and had a massive sleep last night. 10 hours and woke once... No medication to do it. This is how worn out I am.

8 more working days until leave. Good luck to them. I had Friday off and even then they couldn't leave me alone!! I went off my face at both staff. In no way am I a go to person. Not a manager. Not paid to be. Not on call. Phone isn't a company phone. So I told them all that and the fact I was off due to exhaustion and just not coping. GO AWAY AND CONTACT SOMEONE WHO CARES!!!!

I making pizza. Nom.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

i had a rest day today and didn’t get dressed till afternoon. I felt good resting and reading and writing and not guilty.

quirky

[velvetfaerie]

I felt calm just reading that.
🙂

[quirkywords]

Thanks velvet.

i think our bodies say enough is enough and we need to rest.

I still feel tired.

[Airies]

I'm tired a few garden projects on the go. My stomach is playing up. Wife enlightens me with look what you've been eating lately. Anyway gotta agree. Eating junk does play havock.ive been having good sleeps. The nursery was so so busy yesterday. I was having dreams that I was the only person at the nursery. I wish, I'm ready for a nap on the couch. Late arvo and I'm done

cheers

[asdff]

Velvet, how rude of the staff. They do sound very childish. I hope you turn your phone off when you are on hoilidays. I know you will probably want to use it. I know my Brothe does that in the evenings. His is a work phone and he is a manager. Getting paid the big bucks, I assume. I do dislike that about mobile phones that people can always contact you. Remember when we only had landlines? You could even give, the busy signal by taking the phone off the hook. Ah the good old days.