Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Guest_4643]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that Mark. You're a good person a good Dad

[Guest_1643]

J!

I'm so happy to read your sweet post-
My Mum is always like that... absolutely. She is extremely unhelpful in my life and very stigmatising and put-down to me, when there's no reason. For the smallest things.

With the reading I am finding it hard to concentrate in my home. I find it hard to relax there at all - so I read in small bits and usually when I'm out - in a park, or a cafe. haven't read an actual book in ages. I read graphic novels, short stories, and absolutely recently was reading kids books lately. I also like YA books I wander if I could read those?
I don't know how i'd be surviving without the sunshine every day. I feel like I get social anxiety and don't leave my house... so i've found a few very nearby places where I can go. I guess if I tried to go too far I'd get discouraged and not do anything. Thank u J for caring. And for ur insight into human nature.

It's true many ppl have friends for show or just for someone to go places with (because they feel too inhibited to go alone...)

It's more of a social buddy then a true, caring friend. Those are indeed very very rare. I don't have many of those and have never had so many. I'm lucky to have one or two ppl I can feel safe with.

[monkey_magic]

People often mock what they fear or don't understand.
Some mock to feel bigger.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

Sometimes we have to steer clear of these people for self preservation.

Then hopefully we can teach people how to treat us.

I agree that anxiety is part of the human experience, so is being depressed.

That's the time we really need to take good care of ourselves and be around good, supportive, gentle people.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Mark I'm sorry you are so tired today

being tired makes everything so hard

you're doing so well giving ur kids love and attention... that they can come to u late at night

is the daughter older than the son?

[Guest_1643]

Hey D - I don't see you that way at all
You are self aware, some may not laugh or smile and not even know that they do that... i understand not laughing and smiling given the trauma you have been through.

I have found social workers to be very helpful in my MH journey. I'm sorry that no one seemed to be sensitive and threw diagnoses around or treatment that didn't feel right... i hope u have some support now. I know how hard it is to find someone helpful.

I think ppl underrate how amazing social workers and MH nurses are. They do so much and often have less of an air of arrogance then some other medical professionals.

[Matchy69]

Hi Sleepy yes my daughter is 17 in a couple of months and my son is 9 next year.A bit of an age gap makes things interesting
Take care,
Mark

[Guest_1643]

Hey Mark you reminded me I also need to get a blood test... might go tomorrow... my new GP wanted to do some tests but he said no pressure do it when u can... I guess I'm a bit anxious going to get it done.
Being low in vitamin D is very common I think. I hope ur son is okay

I can imagine very interesting with their different ages! Is ur daughter protective of her little brother

[Guest_4643]

I have a good social worker Sleepy, but a MH Nurse I saw in my town treated me awfully. It was very traumatic. I saw them once & they said that I was faking everything although I got a 50 on the K10 test and that was being 100% honest. He also said other things, went behind my back and called my Mum and my Psychiatrist when I NEVER gave him permission to. He kept forcing me to sign something and I kept saying I didn't want to but he somehow forced me. He was very very rude.

I told my Psychiatrist about all of this and said I felt so uncomfortable and scared. My Psychiatrist stood up for me and said stuff like "how dare you say that to her, she has enough evidence, why would anyone fake mental health issues, you should be ashamed of yourself and I do NOT condone any of that behaviour, leave her alone" & probably other things. I'm thankful he stood up for me. I've had so many horrible experiences, even with Psychologists, being told to take meds & k**l myself, among other things.

My Psychiatrist even said that this person was rude to him.

[Matchy69]

Hi sleepy my daughter finds her brother mostly annoying but has been helping him with his laptop I gave him for Christmas as I don't have a clue with them.I bought 2 but don't own one.I do everything on my phone.

[Guest_1643]

Hi that is very scary Tayla to have that experience and absolteuly some professionals are very disrespectful and frankly in the wrong job

I love MH nurses in general just the combination of skills they acquire and use has helped me but of course I believe you 100 percent and know how many irresponsible professionals there are.

That's great you have a good social worker. I think sometimes ppl think if ur young and a woman your MH issues can't be serious. The MH nurses I have met are through the hospital and were good but I haven't engaged with them anywhere else. I've seen 3 different social workkers and they've all been pretty good.