Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Good Morning, Deebi,

My post didn't turn up. I have to go to Vinnies today, I will do another one when I get home...I hope your day is filled with, happies, peace, and everything good.

love always.

Grandy.

.

[demonblaster]

How cutey Deebi 💖

Bumma re post

Have good day Vinnies sweet cya when you vet back love Deebi xx

[demonblaster]

Hey sweets post came through. Darlin plz dont be sorry ever talking thats what friends are for. Always here for you 🤗🤗 Never letting go or giving up on you.

I know this is going to be hell hard darl but I think it needs to be bought out into the open so she can help you through it.

Dear Grandy these things weren't your choice, you were domineered & I imagine manipulated, forced to do what you didn't want to, that's not your fault. The blame doesn't lay with you it lays with him. Somehow we need to find a way for you to release yourself of blame I think this is where psychs going

I dont want you churning over this which'll get you in a knot & play with sleep again, maybe you see this in a different way, look at it that its going to help with release to free trapped demons

It's sounding like this psych might be good for you hun, I know it's scary but this buried pains causing you too much stress constantly

Do you think you can talk about it without remembering or thinking about how it made/makes you feel. Hard but you're made of tough stuff just you dont know it... yet

Honey try not to think about it I know thats easier said but its thought that pulls us down, keep at your smiling mind & the other one you like better too. And our beautiful stars us sitting on verandah holding hands being in complete sync & comfortable

Thankyou for trusting me ☺

Big love lady xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

Special soul hugs to you and GG ❤️

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Thank you so much for your post/reply.

Know I shouldn't be but it's been on my mind for a couple of weeks, Sleeping has been disturbed now 2 nights, but I am trying using my apps, not working properly, but I'll keep at it.

In the long run and over a few visits, maybe I can put it in the back of my vault.. Its the first visit of this topic I'm concerned about, it's already stressing me out. Gosh Deebi. I never wanted this visit to come. I'm already getting that horrible trapped feeling again and that's dangerous to me. I keep going over and over it now trying to know how I'm going to talk about it, makes me feel like I'm not worth anything, like I am the lowest of the lowest. Geez it's unfair, I was always good, I never hurt anyone, physically or emotionally, always the first to help when I could, I love helping people, Whats happened to yang and yang?

Okay talk without acknowledgement, hard to do this, I will try, I wish the beast could stay where he is, it's hard now, still lots of tears,lots of triggers, but I'm managing it ok. Bringing it up talking about it..

Oh crap, I suppose if a few weeks of being messed up again crying, and being down in the dark place will put beasty to rest and if I can pull through it, well then maybe I can start to put it behind me a bit. I don't know what to think anymore. I hope Pysch knows what this is going to do to me...I know!! and I don't want to go there again.

Im not to acknowledge the talk, not to remember the feelings, seperate me from the thought. Believe me Deebi, I will try my hardest to do this. I have to, for me.

Thank you so much for staying with me, you are such a special person, words not enough to express my gratitude for you.

Love you Deebi, 🌟🌟🌟🤗🤗🤗❤️

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

You're a very brave soul Grandy darling, I'm so proud of how you take things on. Look at how you're going at this you're gunna get through lady I know it. Now the trick is to try & vault it until you see her, think about our stars, us holding hands supporting eachother hugging.

Things are starting to change G for the better, it's a process & its happening

How was your walk today with MHN then volunteer so happy about this for you & that you enjoyed it yesterday.

Good girl separate words from thought you can do that, no emotional acknowledgement just words

I don't doubt that you're a good person never hurt anyone that's very clear you do help people so much. You're such a beautiful soul easy to love lady 😙

I'm with you every step & you have an army with you too. Told ya...lovable.

Love you too Grandy 🌟🌞🌝😙🤗💕⚘

Deebi 🌹

[demonblaster]

Back atcha beautiful Pepsy friend, how are you lovely?

Rock/Starwolf rarely a day goes by Im not thinking about you. Are you ok?.. god I hope so & that you're able to read stuff here

Love & appreciate you deeply. Miss you like you wouldn't believe xx

[Ggrand]

Hi Deebi,

Thank you for your confidence in me. I hope it rubs off onto me,

No walk today, tomorrow will be walking again, walks are Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Next week, walks are in town..then back to bush track etc.

Have to do front of the shop and start serving again starts Tuesday, Talk about two stressful events in one day..

Good Night honey, Hope your sleep is peaceful.

Love and Care deeply.💫⭐️💫⭐️

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Hey sweets yeah read that bout doing some in shop, you'll be ok Grandy, theres big changes happening for you and I think its all for the better. Look at this in a good way too hun, it'll help you reconnect with people again.

Ahh walk today, this is great. Thinking bout you & do anyway. Could only see few stars last night tnought of you.

Looking forward to hearing how walk goes

Thx good sleep how was yours last night

Loven that pwetty jewellery the stars & pretties xx

Love 🤗🤗🤗

[demonblaster]

Hey sweets yeah read that bout doing some in shop, you'll be ok Grandy, theres big changes happening for you and I think its all for the better. Look at this in a good way too hun, it'll help you reconnect with people again.

Ahh walk today, this is great. Thinking bout you & do anyway. Could only see few stars last night tnought of you.

Looking forward to hearing how walk goes

Thx good sleep how was yours last night

Loven that pwetty jewellery the stars & pretties xx

Love 🤗🤗🤗