Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Thanks girls 👩‍❤️‍👩🐾

Thank you both for your gorgeous posts. So lovely having amazing support.

Just so incredibly tired. Probs past the worst of BP except not far off exhaustion. Feeling in thighs mind you all the steps I'm taking are major effort not to have groin pain. So SO over it. Sure I saw a turtle overtake me.

Fair bit of news some good.

One of my/our (late love) besties sent a gutless text dropping our friendship like a bag of s..puds. More disappointed than angry with his lack of courage and to drop a solid deep good friendship over what he thinks is right. I've been let down by a lot of people it comes as not so much surprise that people can be so bloody shallow weak and foolish.

Going to write back when the groove spurs me and he'll be hearing a few home truths too!

Grandy I know you're ok about not getting back but atm I really need to blob for a while and early bed hun. It's never because I don't care. Total opposite.

Love always beautiful cyaz later 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗💜🐾🤗🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...

I am deeply sorry about what your/late love’s best friend did to you...That is not acceptable to be so mean and not be there for you...People are strange creatures....They change like the winds change...and true friends just don’t do that...I can understand your hurt and yes the need to send an appropriate email back to them.....Don’t like anyone hurting my bbff.....

Try hard to sleep as much as you can...I am here when and if you need to talk....

I will be back later...going to put some weed control on the weeds/grass along the fence line....Mrs. NSC..is complaining about the long grass/weeds their as they are finding there way under the fence and into her yard....

I hope you have a good day my special precious bbff...Love 24/7 with care..💚🦋🧸🤗..

Love and hugs to everyone here..💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....and all...🤗..

I have to be very quiet, it’s lights out here at 10:30 pm. So I’m hiding under the covers with my iPad...They have cameras everywhere here...just like the other one I’m going to tomorrow...If I get up to make a cuppa tea through the night...the nurses on night duty write it into their little spy books they have for everyone here.,,,I didn’t know how the psychiatrist knew ever we did and said...so now I know cameras...but not in our rooms...only movement sensors in their..kind of like big brother I suppose..

I wanted to visit you and check in on how you’re feeling...you’ve been very quite on here...How are you coming along with your packing my dear lady?...it’s a really hard, heavy and confusing job..poor bbff....

How are things going with your late love’s bestie...I do hope that you are okay..remember bbff...it’s them that has the problem...not you..

Did I tell you that I bought a new pair of slippers that came into work a couple of months ago....Gee boss wanted to bin them...but they are brand new..sheep skin ugg slippers..I transferred my previous 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Broach onto them and I have them right here next to me...and the broach 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Glows under this light...so cute...

I forgot to pack my little teddy bear 🧸..I sometimes take it to bed with me..it has a little at the back and when I wind it up..it plays a beautiful tune....I miss it so much...is that being silly?....it’s comforted me many times...

I really hope you’re looking after yourself Deebi....I might be a bit clingy at times...but just wanted you to know how much I need you , love and care for you...💚🦋🌹🧸🤗..

Good night Deebi..I hope you have a restful sleep tonight...with peaceful dreams...

Love n hugs everyone reading...💜🤗.

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all good people ☺

Even in your darkest days dear friend you're a ray of sunshine. Thank you darlin for a beautiful friendship.
Always love your company.

Geez it hard isn't it.
How it used to be it's easier but still SO much goes on in the head.
At a constant rubbish thoughts/scenarios. Helps knowing that's what they are just crap.
I too can't see why our minds want to take us down.
If we can draw on that negative energy by
redirecting our thoughts to positives/goals/good memories
I'm getting through the hards. Happy between struggles. IT's rarely not hard as you well now my darlin. I hope you're ok Grandz. Remember we have the strength!

I've fallen recently into old bad habits causing debt that I always pay back and smoking that finish today.

We have our hearts set on a house in Mr 😍 area next suburb. Be shattered if we dont get it.
Very hard tenancy market around this way atm.

Loves besty we sorted still miffed but ok without argument.
Poor guy he has cancer too. Chemo pills. I tbh don't like his chances not that he'll ever know that dam it!
My other bestys fella has accepted he's dying of it too. Dam again!!!.

Ultrasound/Xray again ? torn ligament or inguinal (groin) hernia I have. Think both fixable.
New symptoms.
Resting it's caught only a few times. Still using a stick. The pains horrendous. Often screams. MUTT!
Seem to have weakness in my arm. Some mornings very hard getting outta bed. Settles eventually. Ok today.
Other stuff I can live with.

Guess I would have lost ? 10 + kg's. Been very good. It's a choccy 🍫 diet 😄

Eyes still very bad. On another diabetes pill. Close to needing insulin. Hoping I might be able to get off pills and not be diabetic like nearly before.
Need exercise. Hard with feet. Hoping for walking in water again. Miss walking. It's slow atm.

Have the start of Peripheral vascular atrophy from sugars in both 2nd toes. Dam! My fault but doing something about it now.

About 3/4's through packing. Dear Mr is such a help but his back too. We'll get there. So hard when you can't bend without excrutiating pain. I'm starting to figure out one way. Awkward tho.

Love you very much Grandy darling.
Can't imagine where I'd be without you and of course here. So much appreciation dearest friend 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜swod =🌞. We can and will beat beasty! 😚 always 🗯

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers ☺

Sorry to start a post this way but the rest followed afterwards.

Was nearly finished your post this morning Grandy hun and I got a shock call. Other top besties partner passed on this morning. BUGGER it.

I didn't realise how much I loved him until all this cancer started. Told him one day and he us. He's free of pain now.

Poor besty I know the long sad road she has ahead. It's so so sad.

Then I rang the real estate about the house we had our hearts set on except this recent look moreso here where I live. Both houses had gone! We didnt even get to see them! Weak the r/e said rah rah about not being able to round everyone up to see them but I wanted to say all the others do. It's possible we were going to be notified but they hadnt bothered till I rang. Pretty bloody hacked off tbh.

You start to lose hope and rejection getting knocked back. Absolutely nothing would make me happier, Mr too but I'm not holding hope well I am but my hearts saying nah they'll choose someone else.

Pfffttt

Sorry not a happy post. I'm ok tho 😭 atm.

Life just sux sometimes! but something will come along soon.

Thanks for listening.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗😚

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Here is a gentle comforting hug lass... I'm so sorry to read of your loss...

You really are going through such a rough patch lately... I wish we could all call at yours & take you somewhere lovely for a cuppa & a chance to forget the world for an hour or two... I'm sure Grandy would bring along a special magical gift & I could bring a triple choc calorie free cake with Kahlua cream frosting... Mr Walrus alias Croix could bring some noise cancelling earphones for Mr Deebi in case after the cake we start serenading the neighbourhood...

Lass there is a reason r/e agents like used car salesmen rate so low on the trusted professions scale... some are ok... but from my experience you really have to keep at them to get them to do their job... I do hope you find something soon... I will keep fingers & paws crossed for you.

A gentle squishy bear hug

Paws

[demonblaster]

Dear Paws 🐾 thanks lovey you're a lovely friend

I find your posts very comforting warm and you talk sense.

I hope you're doing better. I do think about you and wonder.

Thanks too for your thoughts about the addiction thread. I've put a lot of thought into that and eventually when I get back to it which I will, been hard lately with mh but a few better longer sleeps should do the trick. Thinking to change it to working through addictions. Also maybe the intro was too long too.

Thank you he was a good friend dam it! Once he moved me deeply saying I was family. Can't imagine him not being here anymore and my heart bleeds for besty. So sad!

Hugs accepted gratefully.

You're a sweety. Glad to know you 🤗⚘

Oh loven the cuppa and Kahlua let's do it.

Slack mutts the r/e all they really care about is the owners not the stuffin renters that are a dime a dozen here.

Over it!

🍫

[Croix]

Dear DB~

As you said - life sucks sometimes. Due to my surplus of years my circle is diminishing greatly. Nothing to be done but keep on truckin'. Sometimes feeling for another like your besty can leave one frustrated and a trifle lost as well as sad. I'd think though just your presence would be a help.

On a brighter note I really like the post you put in today in

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

Particularly the bit about our minds trying to help

Croix

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi....Paws, Croix and everyone...🤗..

Awe Deebi...honey I truely am sorry about the news of your other top besties partner passed away...My thoughts are with you and your besties family...,My deepest condolences...

Yes Deebi...Life does suck sometime...but those times do pass...Keep the beautiful memories of your bestie and her partner tucked away in your heart....We meet people on our journey through life..to learn and to grow..to learn to care and know the meaning of loving unconditionally,...and then they are no longer with us....but we have the memories and feel their love and care when we remember those beautiful memories....

I am really sorry that the place you wanted was taken by someone else..Can the realestate your renting off now, find you a place to live in ..that you like?....Remember dearest bbff. That the real estate cannot make you leave, without another place to move into to.....

I also liked your post in the Self help tips for managing anxiety...

Please look after you dear bbff....Sorry about not replying earlier...finding it hard with the internet not working properly here...

Thinking of You so very much with my deepest love and care....💚🦋🦄💭🐇🎁🕊🐘🐿🐰🍄🌻🌺🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛...Just a few Easter friends emojis that popped in to say Happy Easter to a beautiful person..🌹..

Love and hugs everyone..with an Easter egg 🥚🐇..💜🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Mr Croixy 🐧 Pawsy 🐾 and of course our beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers.

Thank you all for your amazing support and time it goes deep.

Croixy man I really appreciate you popping in. Yes it's one of the hardest things that comes in life at any age is losing loved ones.
Sadly the longer we're here the more people move on.

There are some things I like about ageing. One being we learn more. Many I've heard have a different outlook on life. Same here.

At 18 losing my dear Dad ohh still my heart so badly wants him back. I didn't know to look for the positive memories then or that they remain.
Loved ones still live in our hearts making it a trifle easier. Thank goods love doesn't leave either.

We talked about with besty which is comforting knowing he came to acceptance.
It'd be mighty to come to terms with that. Most people don't want to leave.
I had a period recently of hard grieving before he went.

If someone leaves and people are hurting then they've succeeded in life.
Not at all to say there's not so many good and worthy people of love. MH/other reasons prevent them being amongst people. That's not empty words.

I very much appreciate you saying that about the anxiety post.

Hope you had a nice break Mr Croixy man ☺ take good care 🐧

Dearest bbff hi sweetyheart I hope your days are being kind to you precious love 🤗
I'll pass your condolences on huns thank you ☺

True thank goods for time helping us out of hard times.
It gives me an edge knowing that.

I particularly like what you said about on our journey learning to love unconditionally.
Well put beautiful.

R/e I'm with have sweet not much really.
Thanks Grandy very comforting knowing I can stay longer if need be. Ive heard that. Helps
My gut in 'normal' times huh whens that! 😄 says It'll work out. I can't tell youse how happy we'd be to get this one here but reality bites, so many bloody rejections. I like to think something goods ahead else I'll crumble. I'm good though.

Thank you too darlin friend about the anxiety post. Nice hearing that.

Truth hun I know you'll be here when you can. That's never a concern. You're an amazing bbff 😚

Awe the Easter friends are so cute thank you honeyheart.

So much love Grandy. I'm so lucky to be here and have you beautiful caring people.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🦋👀🐘🦄untold 🗯