Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Loveliest Deebi,....Good Morning....

🤗🤗🤗.

A Morning hug,

To start our day.

with tea in a mug.

were ready to play,

lets sit on a rug,

please be okay,

a big hole I dug.

I put beasty away.

I pulled its plug,

Today is your day.

Please enjoy today the best you can Sweet lady....just some things you might like to look after for me until I clean my bag 💼 out..pweease.....🐉.🔥.🍫.💫⭐️🌈🍭🔮🕊..Oh..Oh..Please be very careful with our crystal ball..ummm...maybe I'll just take a chocolate 🍫 and Lolly pop with me..I might need some fuel to keep going because it's hard work cleaning out my 💼.. kind of like cleaning beasty out of your thoughts..sometimes we need to wash or clean our thoughts of rubbish...Best way to do that lovely lady...Write them out on a piece of paper...😂😅🤣..like a shopping list..then put the list into a empty water bottle, do the lid up and go for a beautiful walk to the beach and throw as hard as you can the "beasty in a bottle" out to sea...then [IT].xx can drift forever....

Love you gentle kind lady... 🦄👼...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼 xxx🕊

🙋...waves tPeppy, Mandy, Starts and everyone...😁 I found the little girl waving, she was lost in my bag, but I found her again......whooppie 💜🌹

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful Grandy and Pepstar 🤗

Thank you for your lovely supportive posts, care and friendship. Not long up and going back bed took a med on waking and still have the 🤕 so another.

Grandy so much thought in your loving posts I'll reply later today and want to talk to Peps about a previous one too.

You're beautiful thanks girls ☺🤗

🌹

[demonblaster]

🤗 you're a love aren't cha. Thank you so much and lovely Mandy for being there, phoo was a bit ick for a while but weird not depressed as such. In reply to your caring thoughtful post I understand how it seemed like depression but didnt feel that way. As Peps said thank you too darling friend 🤗 was just going through the motions.

No lovey I havent been to the last 3 MH groups (new) but will cause I like their way. Had some people contact this wk and feeling better today thanks hun, been sleeping lot today and headache lurging in deep background so getting off here soon.

Walked before.

The poem's gorgeous, you're the light lovey so easy to love 🤗🌹 lol pleasure to look after your stuff in your 💼 😅

Hope today you're finding it easier and you were awake so early tch tch tch is that how you say it

Thanks sweety Grandy love and appreciate you so much 🌜💜🌛 💑🕊

I'll give you some 🦄 when I'm back on deck 😚

Pepstar yum free choccys too 😄 thank you always for your care and support lovey. Very sorry to see you're doing it so hard hun 🤗 really want to see you happy too. I agree about depression putting walls up and I think tiredness connected with [IT] brings them down somewhat. 💟🤗 supers ☺

Mandy again darling thank you so much for being here too lovey.🤗 So glad to hear your backs starting to ease off you poor darling. You're another beautiful friend 💜🤝💗

[Ggrand]

Hello bewoodiful Deebi,

🚜 screech...Ok tractor is away...ooops,I've got to take my brand new hat off⛑..

Ahh Deebi, You're doing it so hard poor darling,..I'm so happy to hear that your going to your brother and sil for Christmas..I know you had fun and we talked as well.. I'm really happy for you.

I knew you were hurting honey but didn't want to push you away, so I held back talking to you here, but cried nightly because I knew deep in my soul you were hurting and I couldn't help.😢...Please from now on please sweetheart trust me enough to say to me your struggling.

Ok enough talking, please sit down in your cloud soft massage recliner,...🙃😅😂. Don't go bouncing off like last time😅..put your sore aching feet into the warm water with Epsom salts..Just totally relax your body...Ok let's turn the lights out but lights these vented candles I brought with me...Lay back and rest your poor head....ooops...oops..silly me I forgot to put on my uniform 👩‍⚕️..that's better..now I have this eucalyptus oil..it's supposed to help soothe a head ache so I'm going to massage it into your temples just gentle.

Close your eyes honey, I'm going to massage 💆 your head now, but just very softly so as I don't hurt you...Just while I'm massaging your head Deebi, just relax breathe in 1-2-3-4-5...out...R-E-L-A-X..Good girl..relax....gently....now..I'll comb your hair..as I'm combing your hair Deebi, think of you laying on a towel on the warm sand, and the warmth of the sun being absorbed deep into your skin, giving you a feeling of total peace, with every breath you sink deeper into the warmth of the sand, the sun is soothing and the gentle noise of the waves relaxes you even more, the birds calling way into the distance is just a faint whisper, every breath your body sinks further and deeper into the warm sand...Your body is so relaxed by the warm sand under you the warm sun on top of you as you continue to breath and sink further into the soft warmth of the sand..Your so totally relaxed now that any thoughts of getting up are non existent, you want to stay there in the warmth of the sand, the gentle sounds of the ocean, slowly the sounds they feel like they are miles away, your eyes, your body, are Just to heavily relaxed to move, slowly deep breathing in 1-2-3-4-5-...out..R-E-L-A-X...in, -1- 2. 3. ah sweetheart your so totally and fully relaxed, that as your eyes close for the night,your thoughts are of nothing but The gentle sounds of the ocean.

💜U. Grandy.

[Guest8901]

Dear Deebi,

Just calling in briefly to let you know Im thinking of you and sending calm, happy and healing vibes your way.

Hope that fire within you 🔥, that spark we all know you possess, soon starts to burn with a fighting determined passion again soon.

Here if or when you need to talk.

Amanda

[Ggrand]

Good morning, Deebi,

Its a beautiful day here today, I'm hoping your day is full of sunshine, singing birds, ants scurrying around everywhere, bees buzzing around beautiful flowers, and hopefully Deebi sitting outside watching the amazing goings on of nature...

Just thought I would call in and let you know today is a beautiful day. and it's our new day, everyone's new day to do something special with today.....

A beautiful day for a beautiful soul in a beautiful person...

L🔥vE. y💜U..very much..please enjoy today..🌈🌟⭐️..

👩‍❤️‍👩🌹Grandy👼🦄...

[demonblaster]

Hi sweet Mandy and thank you again for being there too. Lovely friends. I've been keeping an eye on you all.

Thanks too it means a lot you and Grandy saying if I need to talk 🤗😚

Friends picking me up soon to go shopping so have to fly.

Hope your backs still on the heal.

Grandy what a magical head massage loved it and 😅screech tractor parked. You're very funny. That sand and warmth was gorgeous and I truly hope you enjoy your beautiful sunny day too my dear friend. What luck meeting you beautiful people. I'll be back to your tnreads soon

Love you dear Grandy and Mandy 💜💗🤝🕊

[Birdy77]

Dearest Deebs ❤

I am dropping by to remind you, dear Deebs, to be ever so gentle with yourself while you give up the smokes. Please, you need to give yourself so much extra space and leeway during this time. Every emotion will be so much closer to the surface, and amplified to the maximum, so it's important to give your heart and mind that extra space to feel whatever feelings come up for you.

I've not been a smoker, but seeing my partner give up, it was harrowing for her. She reckons it's almost like a grieving process.

So be specially gentle and generous to our beloved Demonblaster on our behalf.

We think you are awesome.

Love,

🌻birdy

[Ggrand]

Have fun Deebi...

😂🤣😅..Where you flying to?..

.Are you going by..✈️ or 🚀 or maybe a 🚁..woohoo honey enjoy....

💐💐💐💐 flowers broaches for all today ..Deebi you also need to wear 🐉 today...don't forget to squeeze his tail if you need some 🔥.....Have fun sweetheart, kick up your heels and enjoy yourself...🌜💜🌛...

Love n Hugs..💜🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼. .....xx. 🕊..

[demonblaster]

And we think you're awesome dear Birdy you're a real treasure thank you darling tweety 🤗 I'm so sorry you've been doing it hard too lovey. Huge 🤗 and always here if you'd like to release same as our beautiful Peps and Mandy hun you're welcome to vent anytime, care very deeply for you 😚 with love 💗🌹

Ahh Grandy you precious darling. Was just a grocery shop sweety and had a walk later. Omg I have to stop bloody eating! 12 kg's same as you almost I'd already put on through previous giving up and binge eating and junk. Tomoz I'm getting serious wanna get it off and the rest but with breaks.

Posted at yours but not 🛬 yet hun. Hope you're feeling brighter and got some zzz's sarvo my beautiful friend.

Love you long time sweety 🌜💑💜🌛🦄

Thanks for being so lovely, you too Peps Mandy & SLD. Love 💗🌹🕊