Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely a Deebi,

Do you still have a headache, how's your mental health?....poor darling, I think I heard your neck disc causes it...I am truely sorry Deebi..It's just so unfair that we have to struggle with both physical and mental pain....I'm really worried about you coming off meds, I was only on them for around 12 months I think..

I'm coming 🚜 over yours,honey..Ah..Ah..no..no..Deebi..You need some looking after..and apprentice 👩‍⚕️ nurse Grandy, is on her waaayyyyyy🚜... 😂 I need someone to practise on.😁....Awwe poor sweet Deebi, just lay back on your special cloud soft recliner, while I put..Jackie Chan on....😁 he is funny. I hope you like him and I will hear your sweet laugh, at times..I like watching Jackie Chan he's funny....

Put you hands on the arms of he recliner. 😁....I'm also an apprentice finger nail painter 💅..nice...ahh commercials on...now a nice head 💆Massage but just softly just in case your still sore.....How about a lovely relaxing facial..☺️..there you go...I bought my foot massager with me..I put some bubbles in the 💦 water...feet in sweetheart, just relax I'll turn it on..😂.tickles aye .....

You just stay their and I'll get us some hot chocolate 🍫 and some of my chocolate mud 🎂 cake, with fresh strawberries and whipped cream...oh it's so yummy..😋..love you 💜Deebi...Please be okay 🌹

I'm remembering our good times...Please be okay.

🛴.......you fell on your patootie, fist time..🤣

🌲........Weetbix tree...makes oil for your 🛴.

🌟.........sitting quietly with me on my veranda just being there for each other.

🌈.........peaceful rainbows.

🐍.........Our beasty fighter.....Oh ..Yeah and his 🔥.

🌹..........A broach I gave you and your lovely friends.

🎍...........Bamboo I just found out you like as much as me.

🐅.........1 little puddy tat.....oh and 2 little puddy tat ..🐆...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..........My slipper broach..the first present you gave me.

🦄....,.. you're magical...the first present I gave you.

I'll have to think of a name for my widdle kitty, mines a little darker then your one..but I have to leave at your place if it's okay..

I'll sleep over yours tonight and hold your 🤝 while your asleep then I'll be l👀king out for you and 👂in case you stir through the night, I can make sure you stay asleep, with my Angel Wings wrapped around you keeping you safe.

Good Night special and dear friend..I hope you sleep deeply tonight..and the headache stays away.


👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼...xx

[demonblaster]

Ohhh you are SO special, look at the amazing care you give me. What a sweetheart you are. Love and feel every bit and love you staying. Thankyou sweety.

They reckon they come from my neck hun. Slept and slept today. Hope you got more again last night you precious lady 🦄

MH had a cry, missing my darling. Over the worst, he was such a love and so loving. We were happy and content loved eachother. 💗 otherwise not bad thanks darl still tired.

We have an incredible friendship 💑 So many good times, support laughs and love. Thank you for being so beautiful lovely lady.

Magic 🦄

Love you Grandy 💜🌹🕊

[Ggrand]

Good Morning beautiful Deebi,

Deebi, I'm sorry sweetheart that you were missing your love and cried..I wish I was there so you could have a shoulder to cry on and so I could just be there for you...I think we will always cry on occasions for our hubbies....I cry for mine because I do miss him..They will always be carried around in our hearts...🌹🌹🌹. My heart goes out to you special friend...

I understand about headaches been caused by the neck..My headaches are from my neck as well..I damaged it in a car accident many years ago. Before then no headaches, that's why I use the cold cloth..I've even stuck my head under cold water in winter to stop the head from aching...

I had acupuncture once for my neck, another occasion I hurt the muscles at work..acupuncture worked good for loosening the muscles up, but not headaches...I had a migraine one visit..the acupuncture person, put a towel at the back of my neck spread out, the edge on my neck, right up at the base, then got both ends brought them forward, you wouldn't believe, headache was instantly gone...HaHa I've tried many times I can't get it to work..😁..

Im getting better sleep Deebi, thank you for asking..around 5 hours last night...I hope you slept last night lovely lady...

Our friendship Deebi is special and bothe our friendship and you really does mean the world to me...love and care goes deep.💜🤗..it's like magic🦄..

I hope your day is a good day today.😚. You're in my 💭 thoughts..

Love with big hugs..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Hi sweety you're such a gem 🤗

Thanks for being such a loving caring friend Grandy. I'm always your friend too. Beautiful poem.

It is hard isn't it missing our loves.

Fancy the towel getting rid of your headache, wow they knew what tney were doing. Acupuncture I've heard good about, shame not for migraine.

Spent lot of today sleeping too, giving up puffs as well.

Had a walk havent done 6 hills ages but 3 of the 4 are goodens. Archilles hanging round a bit.

Glad you're getting better sleep dear friend. Hope your days are easier dear lady 🌹

Love your posts and impressed with apprentice nail technician too 😆 you're so comforting so good to me thankyou so much for your kindness. I too when you're struggling wish I could be there for you too ☺🕊

Love you sweety friend 🤗😚💜💑🌹

How are you doing?

[startingnew]

sending lots of love and hugs DB xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

It is hard isn't it...Sometime a lot harder then others...

Im pleased you got out today and had a nice walk...4 hills is great, Deebi...

Thank you for your special words, they are sitting in my heart Sweet Deebi......love looking after and caring for you Deebi..🤗🤗..

I'm ok.

I hope you sleep quality tonight, and wake up tomorrow better then today...without headache... love you to special friend..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦄🌹....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜 Grandy.🦄👼..

[Ggrand]

Oh. I forgot..Very well done on the smokes Deebi...

Drink as much water as you can, it flushes them out of your system quicker....if your having trouble stopping Deebi. I'll try to be here if you want to talk and need encouragement to help you....💜&🤗..

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Good Morning, lovely Deebi, and all the other lovelies..

I hope you had a good sleep last night and when you wake/woke up the sun is shinning it's healing sun rays opon your precious and beautiful soul..

Thank you for liking my poem, Ii was so overwhelmed with loneliness and sadness yesterday.. All though I'm beginning to think if you have big sadness and no one around you automatically feel loneliness very deeply, I think they go together..just my thoughts...

Do you have outs today, or are you going for walks today? I'm just sitting on my veranda atm, looking at the mountains in the background, the three in the background and foreground, listening to the birds, love the birds.....

Please enjoy your day today sweetheart, I really hope so very very much that the cycle you've been in for such a long time starts to choof off for you....and your happies come to you.....

I 😂🤣 tried the towel many times, but does opposite to me, 🙃 but one day I hope I can master 🎓 that trick..

Maybe later on this afternoon, we can jump on our 🛴 🚜, and go racing around on the sand, just for fun...and enjoy the sun, the salt air and even sit on some drift wood with our feet in the water...Oh but we have to do a race around the BBCafe first....

i hope you enjoy your day my/our dear friend...goes for all reading or posting here.

Lots of love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗..

love you Deebi...💜🦄👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👼..

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

You're a ray of sunshine Grandy🦄

I'm always your friend hun, that poem was roar sad and from your heart. Can relate.

😢 constant atm. Get like that coming off durries, thanks btw ☺ and you'd be 4 plus mths now good girl 🤗

Been having a lot of doona time, comfort safety no grief sleeping. Didnt do a couple outs and a couple of cancels last wk. My company doesnt do much for me, that'll change when I get some bloody control over beasty and is ok in goods. In bed thinking what is there to get up for. I've got reasons to be grateful, it just feels like there's nothing to look forward to, no one to get up for. I want to not need people to be happy. I feel so alone yet there's several I could ring visit or stay with. Why does my head want to make me hurt. Don't think pills it's been like this a lot of life. On saying that and crying I'm ok. Kinda but am. Different depression again, not down as such. Just whooptee

No outs lovey and yes walk soon might give me some beans.

Manias my normal but too much pain follows.

Thanks SLD need them. Back atcha sweety. I'm reading yours & everyones threads. 🤗😚🕊

Grandy 🤗💜💑 love you very much and thankyou 🌹 I don't understand we know how good it feels being happy. Why! Urghh. We'll get there, it's in us and in our grasp.

It is a beautiful day here and heard birdies too. Would absolutely love to go vrooming with you in the sand and on the driftwood. You're very good dear friend. What a sweety 🤗🐣💗

Hope your days are good peeps, nothing like a depressing post to cheer yaz on 😆

Thanks listening and being there. I'll be ok, just how it is atm.

🖐

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Thank you for being my friend Deebi.. yeah I was the same Debi, I cried a lot when I stop smoking, hard but I had no choice,,,I had to pay the power or they would turn it off...

Same Deebi, I've spent days in bed and it's not good I know this but I have no one to get for, I have nothing to get up, so I don't get up, but honey you have friends you should get up and go and enjoy your friends.... My little town has got nothing at all to do here. I don't know any more I really don't.

Deebi, I think we need people to be happy without people our life is empty....you know if I didn't have to go to work I would not speak or see anybody for months on end.. I know this is wrong but I can't help it I can't go out and be happy. You have some lovely friends you love going out having lunch with them, these are people to get up...We need friendship, happiness, fun and good times.. Not isolation, crying, depression, and loneliness.

I know you will get their Deebi, , I know you'll be happy one day you will beat beasty.. because you've got determination, strength you got power do it I know you can because you've got a big want and you got belief ...you can do it, and you will.

Love you very much sweetheart, don't know what I would do without your friendship. Even though we muck around, were always are there for each other to support , when we are down, that's what friends are for, friends give their time,⏱ their love,💜 and their care 🤗...I always have alot of time for you DB and all the other lovelies here on BB..

You're on for this afternoon.. Before we start beautiful Deebi, let me dry those tears sweetheart, ahh their you go....let's start our engines.....and away we go.... start at one end of the beach race 🚜🛴 you down to the other end ...come back again and find a nice spot just to sit down and put our feet in the water and relax maybe I'll even bury your feet in the sand...Or build a sandcastle....

You're in my thoughts Deebi, thank you for being you....thank you for being here for me...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜Grandy 🦄👼..