Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Good morning,

You were so lucky honey, Please be very careful..I'm not sure if you live in a house or unit, if your renting, can you please let the realestate know, so they can fix the shower, and check that your electricity is okay,, I think I Remember reading somewhere that all rented houses and all units have to have the safetry switch installed..

I was just talking to Dools the other day about how unknown forces (God) or the universe seem to step in at times and save us..

Im pleased your safe, omg 😲 Deebi honey Please be careful...L💜VE. YOU...

I agree with Peppy, Please sweetheart, try to be mindful of what your doing, It's hard when we're down but things can happen so quickly and easily when we're not thinking of what we're doing when we're doing it..

I hope your day is a good day.🕊, with lots of peace for your body and soul, Love you lovey lady..Please be okay always.

Love and hugs..💜🤗,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🕊Grandy.

[Guest8901]

Good morning Deebs. You are putting so many helpful strategies in place to benefit you. If determination, effort and research means anything .... you'll sail through this. You are really doing so well.

I hope you make it to your MH support group today. I can understand the friction that may be there, as it was last time. Hopefully it wont happen again, especially after you defended that person who was being picked on. I know you need people around you so it would be a shame if you allowed that incident to stop you going and benefiting from the group. However, if you do find friction there, please dont hesitate to walk out. You dont need friction right now, and would be best to walk away from it if possible. I know you feel you want to speak up for others, and you have done that. Good on you. Hopefully that was enough to nip that nonsense in the bud.

Cannot believe that the group leader was even involved in it, how horrible was that! Who runs this group, and is there anyone you can talk to about whats happening there? Is there an independent organiser who may not be aware of whats going on?

Its good you managed some sleep, even without resorting to a sleeper. Disturbed sleep is not ideal, nor as restful as you'd like, but it is still beneficial. I know only too well the numerous wake ups during the night. At least you are getting back to sleep again, and thats good. Its pretty amazing really, how little sleep we can actually still continue to function on. Though over a period of time, it certainly takes a toll.

Love and hugs to you Deebs.

Mandy 💜

[demonblaster]

Thanks hun always 🤗

Just rang them. Asked brother if I could have been zapped (very cluey) he thought probably not for a few reasons but possible. Hadn't thought to ask them about electricity I have.

I've noticed that too about the universe stepping in.

Mindfulness is maybe the first thing I need to focus on. Started in bits. I was trying to do it all methodically without stress which I did. After I taped it sprung some squirts. Lol should've seen the roof Yikes 💧💧💧 Settled for a wash this morning 🏊‍♀️

Love you biggly dear Grandy 💜
Hope your day goes better than you anticipate lovely. Thoughts 🗯 often

Mandy hey darlin 🤗 and thank you too.

I'm happy about how it's all going. The biggy was pulling through. Hoping I can apply that for future times. Geez they were savage. IT's⚘still trying with less severity and carching them in enough time

Nearly had a sleeper. Knew I'd sleep but was taking a while. Good ole mental clock woke me earlier, of course 😞 incredible our inbuilt alarms. Agree broken sleep wears us out but is a t least some rest.
Sometime I hope to figure how to sleep med free. Meditation I think would play a big part and getting control over stress that pumps and tenses our bodies.

Got some good news. Bbl

Hope you're in a better place Mandy. You too are a lovely friend 🤗😚

[demonblaster]

Hiyaz ☺

So after posting here I decided to speak. I jotted notes, ended up almost ad-libbing. Spoke calmly to the point/s 😲 and pre-empted with truth to avoid agro in response. "Speak your truth quietly and clearly" Part of Desiderata by Max Erhman (Birdy 😚)

Said I'm open to discussion which we did calmly. I feel it was meant, the bloke affected wasn't there. Bought up that I was saying for him others and myself. Explained there were triggers for me and why. Didnt back down but in a civil way. Full credit to them none got stroppy. They're going to be more mindful in future.

Not how to win friends but needed addressing. We were all talking after in good spirits. I'd imagine they weren't stoked but it was done for the right reasons.

One point being potentially it could have put other newbies off going back. I'm staying it's very well organized and makes sense. I'm getting as much out of there as here.

Mandy lovey I don't want to put anyone off that might be reading so unfortunately at least here I'll 😷 , And for other things you said, Thank you darlin 🤗 you talk good sense.

Achievement and that I went because so tired. MH is priority till I get it under control. Another I vacuumed (surprised it didn't blow up 😆). Have started doing little jobbies 😲 Got a motivation one to do this week from the group. I like what was said, it'll take pressure off & of course a sense of achievement.

Not sure. if I'll hear from my original psych, hope so. If not I'm happy with new one too.

Grandy I'm mostly doing posts in notes first thanks ☺

Will bbl replies. Peps "pick your battles" sometimes somethings said and helps no end. 🤗 A sentence ☘ that's a key ring or maybe I gave you one. Oh well one for the spare set 😄

[demonblaster]

BP Day 18

Beasty's had me in its grips several times and still is trying. It's indescribable even if I knew words the place it takes you. There is worse than hell. I know both well.

I am so determined to get through this without IT sinking me but the mongrels trying so bloody hard just gotta keep not letting emotion take over, tears are falling. I can do this, its not taking me this time. 3 hrs sleep sarvo woke in bad shape pulled through kinda. 3 hrs sleep awake again struggling hard. Considering ringing here trouble I'll probs come undone.

Just 1 episode where I don't sink. Just bloody 1. Getting through those before have given me inspiration and belief.

This isn't living.

Breathings helping.

Need so much sleep. Small mania, big one, always same ending.

Gotta keep remembering it'll pass.

I can make it. Mongrel!,

[demonblaster]

Is anyone around atm

[Ggrand]

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🦄🕊, hey special lady, love you..

[demonblaster]

God what a relief to see you

Big cry not feeling great but better than I was

Are u ok

[Ggrand]

Not really....really rough day Deebi...later honey when your feeling better..but I'm here for you, love you..Don't let beasty get you..

[demonblaster]

Its trying to take and keep me down Grandy I'm not letting it but that big cry

I'm SO proud pulling through the deeps the other day. Its given me hope that I can get this.

Mood started slightly dropping at BBQ today. Should be on the way out by now just still catching zzz's

Will have sleeper soon. Haven't had many this episode.