Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

My beautiful Grandy Peps and Mandy

Im not going out today, have a stinker migraine and needed another pill this morning on top of will need migraine one or more so lunch and bed soon. Shame that's the original MH group but say la vie (phonetic sp)

Grandy good I checked back and saw your other lovely post before unicorn 💜🤗

Peps not landed yet love 🤗🕊

Mandy my gorgeous damnit have been meaning to get to you earlier heaps of times, plz know you're in my thoughts and truly I'm concerned about you too love.

I'll be back loves wow this is a hard head atm not bang bang head but phoo rough

Love darlins thanks 💗🌹

[startingnew]

Hi SL ( DB)

Thanks for your kind words. The light has gone but id rather be here with my friends than in hiding.

I hope your migraine eases soon. They are nasty things!

Hugs 🌷💖 and 🍫🍫

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Deebi,

Im so pleased you liked your first 🎁..Your so magical, Deebi, you don't know how much you help me...The next one will take a while to make...lol I hope you have patience...💜🦋..

Awe honey, how's your poor head, Was you a good girl and used a cool/cold towel around your neck/ head etc...😊

Good about your appointment on Wednesday...Deebi, don't get down on yourself for buying smokes...its Okay..🌹..it will happen.... .Your special sweetheart always remember that.🦄..

Thank you for the golden key, I'll keep it around my neck so I don't loose it..Maybe I'll sneak in early and put a fantasy ⛺️ or cabin for us...🌲🌈🏚..or fix the old one up. 😀🙃..

Ill be back later on tonight If that's okay...I'll go to mine soon I just in from work....and mhn.

Please hun, if your heads sore take it easy, rest, lay down..drink plenty of water...💦💧..

Love you Deebi,,,🌹💜,

Amazing lovelies here with you Deebi, I think I'm the lucky one having you and others here...knowing and having friends 🤗🤗😊😚. Take care Everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey swedtheart thanks calling by and ditto Grandy love.

Loven choccy Starts just what dietician doh slaps head I mean Dr ordered 😀

Grandy lovey your posts are so uplifting and entertaining. I want to reply to youse but not feeling great, will be fine but been in bed all day had couple pills and other for sleep early too so pretty wrecked and head still there. Thanks reminder I forgot cold pack.

Cyaz tomoz sometime xx Mandy you're in my thoughts a lot, was getting to yours today soz hun but know I love and care 💑

Nigh nite loves 🤗😚

Love Grandy and always love your company so never need to ask and remember love 🔑 that colours for home Golden for Campfire. Daghh I'm ragged hun

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Shhh....I don't want to wake you, but I'm just checking on you honey..Tucking you in and notice you have a little fever...I'll just wipe your forehead with some cool water to cool your head of a little....That's better....shhhh...🤗.. ooops, you don't have a water bottle with you in case you wake up thirsty, luckily I brought you a beautiful new water ball tale with 🦄, 🌈 and ✨ printed all over it, I'll fill it up and leave it here..did you know first drink and last drink of the day should be water?..

I hope your headache free in the morning, do you need to go out today, if not spend another day in bed, try to sleep the headache away, but don't overheat, and try to if you can to drink enough water, most people me included drink more tea or coffee then water, we still can easily dehydrate in winter, and still believe it or not get heat stroke from too many blankets...

Okay, sweetheart, your all tucked in, cooled off and asleep...Just a little angel dust sprinkled over you to relax you..now I need to go sleep for a little while, I've set my alarm for 2 hours to check on you...

Good Night, sweet Deebi...Love you very much...💜🌹🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy....xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB (and all),

You sound a little run down and the migraine must have been painful and unsettling. It sounds like a rest day was just what you needed yesterday.

Maybe just your time with replies...I feel the important part is resting. I hope your migraine subsides soon ❤️ I’ll save your choccies treats for when you’re feeling a little better...

Super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hi lovelies

😁 Peps I got my 👀 on you around da joint Uh oh that was my gangster voice which I only use when I'm on choccy patrol. Looks around 😎

Thanks lovey finally love this pun think I've knocked it on the head ..actually ouch, tho there's still a hint there. 🤗😚 hope your days nice hun ☺

Grandy what a caring soothing 👷‍♀️you are wow I felt you looking after me ya gorgeous 🤗

Gotta go. 3 outs today may reluctantly pass on one but new psych one of them.

Love to yous 🤗😚 Grandy 💜💗🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello Special Deebi,

How did your day go and how are you feeling, I so hope your headache has gone or eased off...

I have made you a chamomile tea with honey, to help your headache, and refreshed the bowl of water next to you bed, for your cloud cloth..

I'm baking a cake for tomorrow cancer cuppa, Chocolate with chocolate and orange flavoured frosting...if I don't go I'll pop it in the special box they leave out for cake donations, with a little donation in the tin..

Still no rain out here, geez we were told 45 miles for today..boy did they get it wrong...

I think maybe I need to get out my 💼...and did deep....for..um..hmmm...a...um...🚀.🛁...so I can go up into the rocket and take...a bath with the shower over it.. with me..also a long hose...that's connected to my tap...turn on the tap..then place my 🛀 on top of the clouds and turn the shower on...then hey, we got 💦 and everyone will need a 🌂 because it will ☔️ until I turn the water off..😂🤣😅😂...No one will know except me and you...😇....

Oh I thought You might want to play with these cute little fellows. 🐯🐰🐶🐥, for an hour until they have to go back onto my emoji page..🤣😂💜..

Love and care deeply Deebi...🦄🌹💜

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy...

[Ggrand]

Dearest Deebi..

🦄 👀👂..

L💜Ve You always and deeply..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 forever.

🤝 super glue..

Please be okay Deebi..🐍..

Grandy...xxx 🤗💜..

[demonblaster]

Hey beautifuls everything for now is 👍 booming. Starting to believe with bb & the other help I'm landing...I'm going to make it. Well see in a few days hopefully same thinking. Soon it'll cement.

Stumbled onto something legal though no details but will when I email here near future. Discuss with GP tomoz when I find out what naughties my blood tests are saying. Good vibes. It's controlling my mania not that I bloody want to at all! damn it, but potentially it could spare the deeps coming down & with luck not need new meds. Hoping he says ok, doing a bit of guinea pig but within realms of what's ok. Not dangerous. Soz cryptic. Let yaz know. Haven't done other naughties for ages, can take or leave it. Just random. No dif to depression.

New psych today stoked. CBT. Bummed not seeing my other one. She REALLY is very good & not sure why the other comment I think it was for my financial situation. I realised from here I wasted yrs not talking the nitty grittys but today opened up deeply, only a couple of tears. (Will be in ✉ email). Hard actually but coping ok with walls up & said a lot.

She pointed out ( I spoke here of 3 batches in young vulnerable ages) that I was bullied by the horribles except one I love very deeply still but SO much damage done but..and she said those things how they acted were very big esp at those ages. They were but a feather in comparison to what SO many people go through. Thanks to here I'm understanding a lot of whys for how I am. Insecurities. Ouchy but ok. Hard realising some things that you thought the opposite all your life but as mentioned I've always considered myself lucky.

Didnt do the other 2 outs but random invite to a church free meal with friend & new acquaintance saw couple others i know and met new peeps they were lovely, consistent with people here it's on every wk but clashes with other committment so going to try and swing both. How kind are people its to get people out that dont get out much tho I do but it's ok to go. Wow eh. There was around 30 ppl there.

The new MH group is fantastic, swinging it that I can go wkly and still do with my special group. YES! Didnt want to not do with them.

Love you so much Grandy ☺🌹💑💜🕊

Love to my lovelies too 🤗😚💗

Bbl to reply ☺

Thank you 🕊⚘