Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi🦄,

Just calling in to wish you a lovely day out.🌹..

Please don't be sorry, for anything..you done nothing wrong....I'm happy that your okay, I was concerned about you for a couple of days, and now I'm so pleased you might be picking up...Love you Deebi.💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Birdy77]

Dear Deebs,

So glad to hear you feeling at least a touch better.

The post you made on Grandy's thread today was one of the nicest I've read anywhere on the forums.

I just need to ask, i hope I never said anything to hurt your precious heart? You are someone I admire and look up to very much here at bb and I would be devo to think I'd said something that hurt you.

Lots of love

🌻birdy

[Ggrand]

Dearest Deebi,

I hope you are okay...The post you sent to me on mine was from deep in your heart, Thank you from my deep in my heart..it is beautiful and helped me so much today...I hope it's okay I copied it into my notebook on my iPad so I can go to it easily when I need it, thank you so very much 😢. You really touched my heart today.....

I'm worried about you..😳..Please be okay....Deebi, looks like your going into mania..?

Oh Deebi, I wished you would have asked me about CC.. Before here I said only thinking..Please Deebi, if your worried about anything at all. please ask me..If you keep ruminating about things your not sure on it makes things worse..I knew you were hurting and I had a big feeling that it was something here..that made you hurt by your very short answer, which made me worried because that's normally not you to answer like that....I was so scared then..I had a feeling about what you were thinking...Then when I read it..well...Please sweetheart, talk to me when your hurting or down, it really does help instead of clamming up..but if you do clam up. I'll still be here posting to you so you know that I care and love you..💜🌹..and it gives you some distraction as well...

I have read some of your posts to newbies, and there Good and comforting, you do good Deebi, you have to believe me and believe in yourself that you are a big comfort to a lot of people here...

Im not sure if you've gone back to mine I wrote a post but not through yet, but you did say that I can stay here tonight, so maybe a rug up under your shawl and my blanky and our bedspread, under the ✨ stars...while I give you a little 🎁 tonight..This present is part 1 of 3 of your special 🎁 I've been making.

First I'll put my 🚜 next to your 🛴..So they can snuggle together and keep warm..I made some honey chicken and prawns 🦐 for dinner tonight...yummy..I hope you like it..it's good for breakfast as well if you don't want it now..

Deebi, your present will follow this post..I hope Oh like it 😚...Please be 👌..Thank you for 👀 out for me and 👂..as well as 🤝.lol there super glued...Please know that I'm doing the same back..Ditto. 👀👂🤝...Look after yourself Deebi.please..

Good Night my special friend..love you very much 💜🤗..i hope you sleep better tonight sweetheart, and walk up with the beautiful sunshine that's in your soul radiating throughout your body..🦋🌹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

big long comfy gentle hugs..xx🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

ps..nite nite everyone..special hugs 🤗🤗

[demonblaster]

My dear friends 💗 If words could be enough to tell you how much you and here mean and what a difference youse are making in my and many lives. Never have I had so much support. From deep in my heart thank you SO much. You guys get it.

SLD (Starts) sweetheart never be sorry, honestly darling you've been a steady loyal caring solid friend for a long time my love, I truly feel for you, you just don't catch a break yet your steel, you just keep going. You're amazing girl, NEVER doubt your courage and tenacity. I admire this amongst many other amazing qualities. You will see light I'm sure of it. I'm off to bed shortly so forgive me not going to your thread to leave you this 🎁🎀 I'll be at yours in the next couple to see you open it. Somesing special for SLD 🤗😚💗❤🌹

OHHH my darling Grandy 😍 you are a serious 💡Ohh I'm SO glad we crossed paths. 💑..NEVER letting go 🤝 treasure. Thank you you really do make me feel so good.

Said it before

And will some more

You're Avitar 😇

Is what you are ☺

An angel 😚

Biggly 💜💑💗😚

Ohhh Tweety 🤗 you move me girl.. often..thank you so much that went straight in 💗. I assure you I can't tell you how many posts of yours I've seen that deeply move me. You're another one here that speaks with such compassion from a very good pure 💓

You make me laugh too girl. The really hearty 😂 stuff. Gold girl.

No sweetheart not you at all, never. I realize and logic was saying too but beasty had a grip for a couple of days (pre BP) so drowned out logic but glad it was coming through that it's coming from love and to help me, still ouch but have to take good with bad and learn from. Hard to see at times. All good now lovey and thanks 🤗

You're coming to Campfire eh ...here's the Golden 🗝 it's a 🦄 magic one, anyone that sees it gets to wear it. Starting to put in on paper. It's going to be ongoing interactive at Grandys fantasy thread. Looking forward to it

Gotta see if our Wolfy will join us. Can't do it without our masters.

Love to you all 💗 seriously youse are beautiful people 🤗

🕊

🗝 for anyone reading 🦄 all welcome.

Nigh nite loves 🌹

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

It wasn't long after we met that I gave you a 🦄,it was my first gift to you, because you made me feel special for the first time in my life and to me that was a magical feeling...

This is the first of three gifts to you.. because since getting to know you better and better each day, you have become so important in my life now..that I can't image my life without you a part of it...

Deebi...,,,,magical 💫⚡️unicorn,🦄..

It is impossible for a beautiful and magical unicorn 🦄 to be captured by beasty, because all its strength, hope , belief, and faith lies in its magical 💫golden ⚡️horn.. When it finds itself being chased and in danger of capture, by the beasty, it throws itself around and turns so quickly that it absorbs all the negativity into the golden 💫magical ⚡️horn, 🦄 and so escapes safe and sound away from the beasty...

While the unicorn🦄 is....curious, magical, kind, caring and has a pure heart and soul, its ultimate power is in its ability to survive, and fight off beasty. Whenever a unicorn 🦄 comes across a difficult time in its life with depression or from others being mean for just being itself, 🦄...it just so easily turns its 💫⚡️horn toward the negativity and lets the magical 💫golden ⚡️horn absorb everything bad and negative into it...🦄

The unicorn’s 🦄 golden 💫⚡️horn is a like a sponge for the pain of depression, hurting , adversity and triggers,..., the unicorn 🦄 is able to take that dark black negativity and turn it into a rainbow 🌈 of great peace 😇 and tranquility...

So, while it may seem easier sometimes to hide the fact that you are a unicorn,🦄 from everyone....know that being a unicorn 🦄💫⚡️and having your single golden 💫magical ⚡️ horn makes you almost invincible against everything that beasty throws at us...which is. The Beasty, rejection, betrayal, sadness, and failure.

Imagine Deebi,💜🤗🌹 that You are a beautiful 💫⚡️🦄magical unicorn,🦄. galloping always forward towards a rainbow 🌈 path to your future, your golden 💫magical 💫horn magically always collecting the negativity around along your way an then absorbing it into your golden 💫magical ⚡️horn and passing it back out and being transformed into nothing but positive energy....Your first gift is ths little story..and a little unicorn with a golden horn to place onto a golden chain...

Love our time 🦄 Deebi.. l💜VE you DeePLy...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..,

..

[demonblaster]

Ohhh if you could see my smile 😀 when I read your 🦄 magic posts.

Please NEVER! doubt for a single second how much I truly do love and care about you.

You have many class qualities lady. You're truly a gift.

That's absolutely beautiful. Thank you beyond words.

Class act or what! Gob smacked 😲

I too can't imagine my life without you.

What a beautiful friendship.

I'm busting at the seams moreso now...can I give you your 🎁 soon but ok if you want it later then I can work more on it, you're gunna love it beyond your widest dreams...dats a pwomise. Twuly. 😊

Oh ohhhh 😆 you got me biggly with that one actually there's heaps which has just given me another idea 💡ah uh ahhh no figuring it out...tsk tsk tsk 😄

Do you know how much pleasure you give. One day Grandy... one day you'll know your worth. My mission and for Starts, Peps and our Mandy 😍

Thank you beautiful lady. In case I haven't mentioned I L💜VE you big time. 🌹💗🤗💑

Huns do you have a Golden 🗝 for our ♨️ campfire.

Grandy this new MH group it's amazing and corroborating what I'm learning here and have worked out and learnt elsewhere too. You mentioned you've been reading self help books that I need to get into it's happening Grandy, I'm going to make it through and help others along the way and after too.

Bought a pkt fags today, not stressing on it and did nearly two wks relatively ok and its just a blimp. Back on deck tomoz its the friggen mania madness.

Made app with new psych seeing her Weds.

MUST GET THE WEIGht off soz been struggling with tablet gremlins all night so using mania to get my head into weight loss mainly.

I'm so excited having more pressies 😅 was trying to find another of yours to read my gorgeous MIL tonite and forgot I have a few saved 🙄 but read a lovely poem. Going to stay with her soon so will then. You do know you're the talk of town here 🤗 and I rave about bb and the beauties here truthfully. It's also of course Grandy this and Grandy that and how much I love ya ☺ 💜

Night lovely ones. Youse really are amazing people ⚘

I've always considered myself lucky.

[Ggrand]

posted before unicorn post..10pm..still not landed..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

My lovely friend, you have certainly been having a difficult time. I’m relieved to see that you seem to have figured things out...good on you and the support you have here is heartfelt and inspiring (as are you).

I’m happy things are picking up again especially after feeling so low. It’s wonderful that you sound driven to make positive changes in your life.

It looks like Grandy has left you a very special gift 🦄 . You’re very lucky 🙂

I’ve replenished Grandy’s picnic basket so I figured we can just share. I’ve even added more choccie bars 😉 Also what’s this about you borrowing choccies bars from my stash to re-gift to me? Only you. Lol!

Super soul hugs and much love,

Pepper xoxo

P.S. A big and warm thank you for the loving and moving post on my thread. It meant a lot and made me smile. Aren’t you lovely? ❤️

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

Sorry, I’m confused. Don’t know if I posted or not so I’ll check again later. Lol.

Extra squishy soul hugs in the mean time ❤️

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[Guest8901]

Dear Deebs,

Thanks for your reassurance yesterday that I hadnt said anything to hurt you. When I read it before, I just instantly thought I may have said something wrong. I guess I have a habit of doing that, despite my best intentions. ❤️ And I also suppose that long term conditioning causes us to believe that anything wrong, must be our fault. So your reassurance came as a big relief.

Its really good to see you back around the many forums and sounding much more like your old self again. I do worry about you when you go quiet. I know how much you continue to struggle. You are such a lovely person Deebs and none of us like to see you going under. I hope soon that you can receive some more targetted therapy to help you through all those many troughs and peaks that your BP puts you through. I'm not sure ... are you on the additional meds (ADs) yet? You were to speak to the psych via skype I think before commencing.

I hope this week is a better one for you than was your last week. Sending you much love. 🤗🌹

I have pocketed the golden key and the magic unicorn, as I wouldnt miss the upcoming Campfire. Just hope I can attend live, but will be there watching on regardless.

Hi also to Karen, Birdy, Pepper and StartingNew.

Amanda 💜