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Surviving: Being in a better place
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Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.
I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.
The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.
My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.
Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.
I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders
Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky
If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.
BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.
I know that now.
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hey DB
thats quite a list. im really tired today/night and want to give you a proper response tomorrow.
one thing though is your chest pain- please be very careful and consider calling an ambulance. heart conditions esp heart attacks are very serious ok. and remember to breathe xox
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Hello Deebi,
I read through your help wanted list..I really love the way you address people and your unique way of talking, showing your warm and compassionate,,It would be a shame if you try to change you here...
i will pop back later with a fantasy get -a- way.. if that's okay.. It might help me as well..❤️.
❤️🦄🤗.+🐘
👩❤️👩Grandy👼
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Thanks Grandy and girls
Don't worry about the list I feel like a fool now was responding and doing what was said
I function incredibly well considering I'm SO screwed up
Im slacked off about a couple of things Im gunna take time out not sure how long might listen dunno.
Was so looking forward to fri party not sure if I'll pop in for that if I don't please apologise to Pam for me
Don't think I'm not really grateful I am but this is what happens when i reach out
Confused and disheartened bout some stuff
Grandy do love you
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Hi Deebi..🦄.
A post I posted landed fairly late yesterday after I posted it there is no no thumbs up, I know you always do...I don't think you read that one..I explained a little about my Ultra Rapid Cyclying BP11.
It's 13/4th, page 36 around 21ish up...
❤️🦄🤗🐘,
👩❤️👩Grandy👼..
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Deebs,
Why ever would you feel a fool for providing that list? Its a genuine list of concerns you have. You're running things through your mind trying to work on them. Writing things down is a great way to work things out. Good on you for doing so.
I'm not worried about your list as such, but I am worried about you. You dont sound like yourself tonight. You sound really down. I know you're in continuous extreme pain and I know you're going through BP cycles. I also know you're vulnerable right now, and I didnt like the sound of another post you wrote earlier on another of your threads.
Sorry to hear that you're confused and disheartened about something. If it would help to talk about it, please let us know. You say this happens when you reach out. I dont understand your meaning there. Again, if it helps - please talk.
Otherwise, you need to rest. I hope the pain lets up a bit for you. Sending a very gentle hug.
Amanda
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Hello Deebi,
You sound troubled, please talk you just made me to agree with you not to hold back..Iv had a really bad feeling now 2 days scared that you will leave me... please honey talk to me, someone/thing has upset you..
Grandy..
Im about ready to take you for a fantasy trip ...
please be okay, Deebi...xx
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Sorry and thankyou both my bad I misunderstood something now I have reason to feel a fool lol but its not a worry it's the least of my probs. I am sorry girls told yaz temper more upset than that butbwas temper too
God what I wrote's a quarter what I'm trying to take on
Grandy I'll talk about two of the three things, this I'm not angry but not happy about either is that call. I don't think that one I'm reading wrong and don't like being lied to, thats reasonable ommission is still though but gunna let that one pass bit of bumma tho I know most of the score and its for good reasons but..and respond as I normally would
I'm going to ring again was yesterday but pain was volting but will stil probs get lies. Then tho if I'm wrong again think I'm ok but did something foolish, not harmful as such
Wish you could help me on that butb 'u don''t know the whole thing
Thanks no I hadnt seen it. As far as I know thats mixed oh geez blank yeah a mixed episode I do have them a bit but usually up tho highly emotional too anything can burst the bubble for a widdle bit
I did log off but wether another open tab dunno but clearly came back lol was just a quicky look but I had a hissy instead as well🤣😡
Going bed soon
You guys get a good sleep 😂 as if aye be nice if it could work that way
Oh everyone says be yourself I am I show myself to the world yeah doesnt that work well puts a target on your head well I try not to show my 😠 side cause I don't like hurting or being angry if nothing else I'm not a B
Mandy was that the 90% or whatever % post darl?
Both you're lovely
I am getting there but these mutts are too often but am ok not down
🤗🤗😊😊 cool Grandy looking forward to it xx
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We 👩❤️👩 started walking 👭 down this encredible cave no ordinary cave this one had the greenest grass 🌱you can ever imagine.To go Into the cave you must be 👣 bare foot , We walked holding hands, through the cave we saw gorgeous glitter of every colour sparkling along the walls and ceiling of the tunnel, lighting the pathway, We continued walking 👭 and we saw these teeny weeny little vividly coloured pink and yellow orchid type flowers 🌺..There scent in the air was like the fragrance of every flower ever created mixed together then let loose into the air.
We came to the end of this cave, as we walked out the grass continued to ground us to the universe,it started to rain, but the rain changed to teeny weeny pink n yellow orchid flowers.. The flowers landed to form a pathway, which we walked along until we ended up at an enormous waterfall. We sat under the waterfall, oh honey, the water fell on our heads and cascaded down our bodies, total relaxiation, Our feet were sitting in this little rock pool, lol little fishys 🐠were tickling our feet as the water was falling onto our heads so relaxing we sat there for hours just talking and listening to the gentle sound of the water as it flowed from the waterfall into the pond,so crystal clear the water was it shone like diamonds, onto the grass now just sitting there the sun warming our skin, soaking into our souls, into our heart, we lay down on the pink and yellow flowers a bed so soft you will never feel, I start massaging your head, firm but gentle, your eyes get heavy you can't keep them awake, the flowers are now your blanket, the bees, the birds, crickets are your orchestra, and the breeze blowing though the long grass making the grass swaying gently to the sounds of nature, heavy your eyes are closing, listen Deebi the beautiful sounds of nature, slowly start to surrender you body to sleep, the moonbeams, the starlights are reaching deep inside your soul and totally release of all stress, anxiety, happens as you drift ever so gently into the deepest, most peaceful, sleep ever with dreams of tranquil waters, fields of flowers of every colour, pure white doves flying around you, protecting you from anything that could hurt you..Deebi, Your safe honey, wrapped up in my angel wings, never letting go ever, Love you so deeply it hurts a lot at times. I'm always with you Deebi, please stay with me. Don't let go ever please honey..
❤️❤️🦄🤗🤗
👩❤️👩 Grandy 🦄
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Hi lovely DB and all,
Where you live sounds beautiful. Gorgeous scenery and gorgeous hearted people too. That’s a winning combo 🙂
The pain does sound physically and emotionally brutal. Sigh, I also hope you don’t have to undergo an op but I suppose you’ll have to do what you have to do. Still, I’m hoping for the best for you...keeping you in my thoughts and well wishes.
Even though we love your insightful and affectionate writing style, it must be frustrating for you to feel as though there is a disconnect between your mental thoughts and your written words. I suppose, to varying degrees, a lot of other people struggle to convey/articulate their thoughts too. Sometimes I struggle too...
You’re generous and kind for wanting to “give back”/reply. I really appreciate it. You know how I am (lol); I go through phases of posting on my own thread. I’ll have periods where I feel like chatting then other times, I don’t have much to say about myself. On and off pattern lol.
Thank you gratefully for your “general chat” suggestion. It’s a fantastic idea but I’m admittedly a little lazy so it’s easiest for me to just keep my convos mostly in the one thread 😉
As for your latest couple of posts, something has happened that had clearly really upset you. You seem quite distressed and agitated. I’ve probably missed something along the way but I’m not entirely sure what has happened. Um...are you okay?
Love and super soul hugs,
Pepper xoxo
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Hiya Golden soul Pepstar
Fair enough hun boutbsticking to one thread. I've done a few often in mania very productivebin those times but need to learn trying to be a better host and often I leave replies a while so others might jump in seeing someone else has posted. Lifes a learning process I like learning.
Yeah re op theres no way I could do more pain than this like it was in first & 2nd bouts mind you luckily its settled took 1st 6 wks I think brutal.
Good news today yes sore but easier same in bed last night heres hoping I can get through healing without anymore flares
Thought to word I think we all have something to say but less than more are good at it. You are and gentle with tact as well. You'reva real sweet Peps 😚
Yes I use to only talk here while in BP mainly cause there was only Rock SW and dear Sez occasionally but I agree with Grandy its nice to fluff around too, just wanna get through this rot
Thanks darl yeah I'm ok I misunderstood but thinking on maybe not but all good hun. Few things but not majors was me mostly over reacting and temper but at least improving and didnt swear yell or ..dunno lol
Thanks hun laughing at myself I'm saying not as a criticism you dont post much cause my my threads I read all from when I start there some back furthur and you have written in it lol I was going back to it but FAIL 🤣 today yes
Thanks Pepsy 😎 always appreciate your friendship and time petal you're loyal and generous too, mmm havent worked on your selk liking for a while have I 😄 haha don't relax darl I'm cominnng ☺
Have a great day super soul queen 🤗 singles free short time only grab em while ta can 😚 cya hun
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