Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hi DB,

So happy your coming back. I know what you mean about no r/l contact/ help.. it's dangerous yeah..

I won't get through another one, could have so easy gone with my thoughts yesterday/last night/today....

Go easy on your walk..one step at a time, would it help to put your arm in a sling, might stop a bit of movement for you..

Take care.. speak later if your up to it.

L & C always.

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

I know Grandy its so heavy isnt it. Exhausting.

Slings been mentioned but concerned for neck and csf area stirring it more. Collar a possibility too but have to be careful for loss of muscle tone so guess just hack it. Been doing small amounts of gentle stretching think helping tho hurts initially for bit. Trying to do neck exercises its doing things takes so much push. Seems to be easing till I use it more. Jeez pain or what.

Grandy I hope you mean that you love me, I do you and need you please dont go with what beasty mutt wants you to.

You wont let me say how I feel daghh 🙂 ouch so... ? You reckon I make it hard for you pfttt 😗

🔥 here take this, I'll get some soon.

[demonblaster]

Oh and ALWAYS want to talk to you, nearly did last night but thought better to let you be x

[Ggrand]

Hi DB,

I do mean it when I say I love you. YOU, are KEEPING me here. You are awesome DB, ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗

L&C.

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

You're like Starwolf a ROCK 💖 😙

Starwolf Rockstar you're in my thoughts with deep love more than you could know. SO hope you're doing ok. Miss you so much.🤗🤗 xx

Thinking bout mania..the ultimate. It's based on an abundance of ENERGY. The rests drawn from it I think. Opens the mind. Euphoria, complete peace confidence and happy OMG SO happy. It might be in us all. So how do we tap into it. Not to mania its hard work but a milder form.

Energy's I'd says our biggest strength. Happy with it, depressed without.

Something to think more on. Emotional control.. that's how we'll achieve peace and find happiness. It's within us, why we have iintelligence.. to work it out.

So let's do it...together

{👀} majors 🤗 Grandy. Love you deeply xx

[startingnew]

Hi DB

this thread moves kinda fast atm and ive lost what we were talking about, anyway how is today going?

[demonblaster]

Hi sweets I've mostly been keeping up with your thread think have a bit to read atm.

Last we spoke recently was you were going to go through thought challenging. What I have been doing that's worked possibly through distraction more than anything is thinking about the thought and why well what part of me's hurting.

Yeah better today thanks slowly coming out of this one, it takes SO long. Sleep I'm getting a lot of but haven't woken up refreshed for ages. Just had about 3 hrs still whacked but the arm pain getting to me too although easing off slowly phew

Smoking I'll be giving up again after last one soon, am reasonably ok between episodes then start up again in mania, the nagging nearly drives me nuts but then the stress is high too. Wanted to tell you 🙂

How are you travelling? the last I read you're coming out and better. You go girl. Steel xx

Thankyou for your support always too darling SLD xx

[startingnew]

ahh yes of course, my apologises. ill make a separate post for you so i cna describe the thought challanging n abit more detail without worrying so much about characters remaining.

theres lots of things you can do to distract yourself, if you run out of ideas take a look at the thread coping stratagies- its in capital letter though. so far with both my own and other contributors its at 5 pages now so lots of ideas there to try.

pain gets really tiring and draining just on its own let alone throw in mh too, i do udnerstand that part and how hard it is. all you can do it do your best and work through the paina nd manage it with relief, have you tried the wet towel, ice packs (good for pain and inflamation) and also heat packs- even better if you can alternate them for 20 minutes each pk for an hr.

i dont smoke but have witnessed how challanging it is so kudos to you, ith time im sure youll beat that too but in good time.

feeling abit out of whack esp in posting and certain threads atm but am still around and reading quite abit, been really tired though. havent been sleeping well at all and my sleepers give me nightmares more than what i already do (didnt sleep 3 nights then the past 3 nights broken slepe with a max of 3 hrs all up) been super busy days so becoming abit emotional and rollercoastery but will be ok. my pops going away for 2 days on sat and sun but i dont get the days off, im babysitting and second work. feeling pretty exhausted.

good to hear your coming back up too, slowly but surely yeh. oh and thnk you for commenting on that thread i was getting really lost and not many contributors at all.

[startingnew]

sorry for the delay there was trying to find the folder with my coping stuff- couldnt find it so now ive made it alot easier to access

THOUGHT CHALLANGING
1. Pick the thought
2. Reality Test it
so ask questions such as 'my evidence FOR and AGAINST this thought' 'am i jumping to negative conclusions?' 'are my thoughts true in all cases all the time?'
3. Looks for alternative explanations
'are ther any other ways i could look at this situation?" 'what are the positives of this thought?'
4. Putting it into Perspective
'whats the best thing that can happen?'whats good about this situation?' will this mattter in a few years?'
5. Use Goal Directed Thinking
'is this thought helping me achieve my goals?' what can i do that will help solve this problem?' 'is there something i can learn from this situation to help me?

[Ggrand]

Hello DB,

Im 👁👁 you, Sitting with you again tonight, if that's okay.

Smoking yeah I stopped for a few weeks but bought a pkt after Pysch visit..helps a bit I think a bit of distraction. My minds not good atm but always here for you.

im concerned about you honey, so long this time for you, ❤️🤗. My wings are encasing you with their magic warmth, I hope you can feel the warmth going through your body. So pleased your coming up. Got so much ❤️ &🤗 for you wish I could be more help for you.. I'm still needing hugs DB,

I walked early this morning 1am. I had to get out it was wasn't long because I started all the dogs barking in town but it was enough to calm me down. Tonight the stars are bright so I'll be outside for a while it seems about the only thing that grounds me lately.

Im just going to sit here you honey. sending one healing energy out into the universe to reach you.

L&C always.

Grandy