Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Ahhh what a sweety SLD yeah I'm good atm thx hun took a while to come good but sleep deprivation thrashed which it does always in cycles & I pushed envelope at times, was rough as but better than usual BP hells so am making progress. Yeah yeah happies bout that

Thanks huns

🤗🖐

[startingnew]

im glad your going ok DB, you can always ask for help whenever you need xoxox

thank for the update xox

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB and all,

Thank you for the wonderful weekend well wishes 🙂 Gratefully received.

I’m glad things seem to be looking up for you. That’s fantastic to hear. As Butterfly Wings said, you know where to find us if you want to chat, vent or share.

Soul hugs 🤗

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

BP day 3 (21st- ?) Previous one finished about 27th Dec. (Had up for a while then sank back) Not quite a mth from end of last longer one.

Pretty sure going into yet another, joy, well yeah it's good atm anyway.
Sleep's been erratic last 2 nights or ? 3. Waking up before birdy farts is always a good sign and not going back to sleep.

Mania started to kick in, lurvvvvellly BUT the bugger is having to try and control it, seriously how much I'd LOVE to just let it flow but have learnt it's ultimately better to handle the whole deal if I can keep these to a dull roar.
Thinking about doing things eg art, more with tt (table tennis) extra walking which I'm going to soon but can go into more cycles so might add a hill every 2/3 days instead of straight in
It's like the brain wakes up, starts thinking about pretty much everything which I do anyway but not quite as actively. Not as fast now learning to control the excitement

Slept till bout 2ish a.m then ZING wide awake, had sleepy pain meds for migraine family head can't remember when I went back to bed, wow early for memory block YIKES. Back to sleep 10.30am, tried for to block thoughts worked but others kept popping up, not advisable through day took couple sleepers, got bout 4 more hrs, phew woke up in time for lift to tt just.

Yum happies before sleepers ok now but not mania as such. HAVE to get as much as po sleep with this, even when you do it's nowhere near enough, the exhaustions crippling now days just short of total still takes couple of wks or more recovery.

3rd BP since actively working on depression. Definate improvement still major heavy on downs, hell but not the depth. Can only get stronger from it. Gotta keep working at not leaving the wrong way. It's been seeping through since loss of partner, for a while I kicked it but snuck in lately again. I CAN & WILL WIN!!!!! ...might need reminding on that in about a week or 2 lol
Nah gunna also work on completely changing mindset like that comment if we think it's going to be hard, it will. So I'm going to get through this even better than the last two, god forbid you can only hope 😄

That is all (Massive Big brother fan & advocate when it was on)

Thx listening

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I was listening, if that's okay.

I'm trying to understand you (BP)....if that's okay as well, I think I'm beginning to.

You get mania, (highs), for around 1-2 weeks, then down for (?-?). then normal for (?-?). Then it repeats itself every (?-?).. all over again....Not much help am I. I'm sorry this happens to you honey, We will be here holding your hand when you need us.....❤️

Love and Care always,❤️💫💫⭐️🤗🤗

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Ahhh Grandy you're a treasure, you make me happy comfort me, feel secure esp when you say honey, how pathetic does that sound lol I know I've told you before but it's like you're wings are around me looking after me, jeez talk about opening up aye lol . You make me smile with love, you never have to ask if you can talk or listen with me, love that you're interested & care to want to know what it's all about. Smiled you saying not being much help, magic humor Grandy.

Yeah pretty much that's right, except some people can have BP cycles or episodes once in their lives only Psych said most people have it once/twice a yr, I have 8/10 major episodes a yr. A rapid cycler has 4 or more a yr, I was that before my love died there's terminology for people that have more can't remember, something like super rapid, then super dooper whopping great rah rah lol

On average most mania lasts about a wk, you're body can't hack much longer but on saying that some people can go for mths on end, you can keep it going which ANYONE WANTS mania, it's unbelievable pure bliss Grandy, ultimate in happiness confidence, motivation, ideas, clarity, etc I"m lucky I don't have hallucinations grand deur psychotic episodes, pretty rational throughout.
My longest once was 3 mths from go to woe, on the down so exhausted I could barely lift my arm.
The depressions beyond darl unbelievable as you know how low we can go. Mental torture's best descipt but honestly words fail me even if I could express better, impossible to explain.

I mean it hun, thanks so much for being here for me. You got through to me in the last down recently, it's why I came back & answered, trouble is we don't know who's doing a thumbs up but I do them

Do love you G.lady (((souls L&C )))

ROCKSTAR so hope whatever's knocked you for a six is being treated and that you're in recovery. I'll never stop loving or thinking about you. Major respect. Be ok dear friend. ((( souls )))

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Thank you Deebi, I've been trying to follow your ups n down so I can try and hold you up before you get down, yeah no words can describe the downers, but hell is pretty close.

I always have you wrapped in my arms, tighter wrapped around you when your down, I love caring for you, your a precious and and a treasured friend.

I hope you sleep well honey, and super special peacefully as well.💤💤💤

Love and Care always 💫💫⭐️⭐️🤗🤗.

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Thanks precious I do feel your arms wrapped around me & seriously ditto to you being a treasured & precious friend, agree you said previously we were meant to meet its destiny. I believe we meet people for reasons some it may simply be a smile in the street that can make a persons day or a comment, once on an extreme frightening low I was desparate for help & a man passed me made a simple small talk comment thst i replied we smiled & it lifted me slightly i" ll never forget that shame he'll not know he made a dif

Thanks for you love support & care & things you say about me mesns so much. You're amazing

🤗 L&C always trooper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB and all,

Super super soul hug from me before I say anything else.

Your self awareness when it comes to your BP cycles is incredible. It shows in your ability to recognise signs and to understand what you need to do to manage them. I like your plan to channel your efforts into art, table tennis, etc to help manage your mania.

I think it’s beautiful that Grandy’s angel wings and arms are holding you; your winged protector and friend 🙂

You have a wonderful outlook, and your strong belief that each person can help make a difference (or call it what you will) is heartening.

I know you’re missing Starwolf. I wish her well too. Your deep loyalty is a gift ❤️

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Beautiful friend Peps, said before & mean it I'm so grateful we met & bout time I started back on helping you like yourself, poor Starts, I've ramped it up with her, Grandy I'm still in gentle mode lol & dont tell Starts lol but I'll go softly for a little longer with you 😈 but oh yes sweetheart you're times coming nyah ha 😲ha. BUT on saying that one day I'll help you see that so much you say to me is exactly how you are, your care compassion & loyalty amongst much more is outstanding.You're light in our lives & solid. Thankyou 💖

Mmmm mmm loven & feeling the super souls thanks sweet, I get a lot of hugs mostly from chooks but occassionally fellas, love em

Thx re self aware, nearly all the chain of psychs have said I have very good insight which I guess correlates with self awareness, my clinical psych says I do her work for her lol

I wish I could apply the mania motivation to "normal" times like art & doing more with tt. I guess its one of the anti depression tools I can work on to push through. There's nothing Peps in between cycles, happy but nothing inspires me kinda like how you are, empty for goals & where I wanna be or what to do but ok in those times so not a major

BP cycles are so ying/yang not only the up & down but in general life for me, its like all the things I dont feel like full confidence full happiness etc (usually happy go lucky but always that dark mother cloud hovering but getting there. It's a gift with a devils pricetag but the goods are magic on ups & learning & becoming stronger from downs & hoping to help people in process so I guess positives in bad too

How amazing too is Grandy yeah easy to love or what aye. I do feel her wings

I'm always so appreciative how you always support me full stop & with Rockstar (Starwolf) from heart thankyou Peps it really moves me.

Missed you darl, hovered over your thread last night but didnt want to pressure you by saying in case you felt obliged to respond, today I would have if hadnt seen you.Been thinking more about you lately you're struggling harder are you a bit brighter or still in the deeper hole

Love great soul student from the master-ette of the best soul hugs in town, roll up roll up 😆