Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dearest Demonblaster,

You have been so quiet, I'm really concerned about you so much.

I have hold of your hand not letting it go ever.

Im going to throw a few things back at honey,

Hope.....You have it, and mine, use them DB, no matter what or how your feeling grab hold and don't let go.

Believe......Believe in yourself, believe in your strength, believe you can get the beast back down,believe you can put beast to sleep.

Tough Talk... Now this is yours...yell at beast, scream at beast, No he won't get you this time.

Want... Want to kick beast down, do it with every bit of strength you got..want for a peaceful life.

I don't know DB, you are scaring me, you have always answered your post sent by others. This is not like you, Talk to me.....What are your fears?. what are you feeling? Only if you want to.

Please know my care goes deep for you. I want to help you, but I can't unless you want me to. ...

Love and care always ..❤️❤️🦋🦋💫💫

Grandy

[Ggrand]

Hello DB,

Just letting you I'm thinking of you..

Good night lovely lady. Sleep well and peaceful dreams. ⭐️🌛🌙💫

Im not letting you go.❤️

Love and care always..soul Hugs as well🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Good morning Lovely DB,

Im just making a visit to you here to say Good Morning and to really say I hope you are doing ok.

You still haven't answered any of these posts to you, I'm thinking you are really really caught by the beast or your neck,back is giving you a heap of torment and pain or your in hospital with your neck/back pain.

I'm with you in spirit, my heart aches not knowing what's happening to you, to know if you are ok. Its hard when I know someone I love and care for, never see them, don't know where they live are hurting really bad and I can't go physically down to visit and be there for you, to hold your hand, lend you my shoulder or to just give a hug to show you how much you mean to me. ❤️🌟.

I want to say so much but words are failing me, and I'm sorry about that.

Just know that I care, I'm always here for you, I'm not going anywhere and I'm holding you tightly by the hand and my arms are gently around you trying to comfort you.

Look after yourself my sweet lady, be kind to you, my thoughts are with you always. Take time and heal, missing you heaps.

Love and Care

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Thankyou girls mean it, for care & support sorry havent been in much but am listening

Starts "here for you in silence or in chat" Sweet thing & youre in a rough place honey so hope youre coming better. You've got steel ive seen it

Peps beautiful soul hugs thankyou darlin feeling them. Let ne know how ACT? & Schema goes dont know about either hope you're ok too hun xx

YK what beautiful things you said thankyou so much that all went deep. Really nice of you

Ohh Grandy what beautiful warmth & love in your posts thankyou for not letting go hun loved the reverse psychology throwing mine back at me ☺ thankyou for holding on. Love you

Good day yesterday re neck seeing him again 6 mths keeping eye on it. If pain returns there's an op they can do. Yikes no thanks not neck

Had lot of fun with friends that took me so good of them huge day. Looked after me.

Just for change gunna sleep more pfffttt need to get head in right zone not in BP atm, so called whooptee normal

Im kinda ok Grandy & will be thankyou & all for sticking by me

Honestly I just dont know atm. Need to find my way. Reasons

Thankyou good people xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Demonblaster,

Just want to thank you so much for letting us know you are kinda ok.

That means a lot to me. Thank you.

I will never let go.. I'm happy for you that the pain has eased a lot for you.

I hope you find your way through your "reasons" let's try and get rid of the kinda and make you ok..

You still sound down? Get well honey, I'm always holding on to you both hand and spirit..

Love and Care always.

Grandy.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB and all,

I’m glad you felt the soul hugs (I learnt how to give them from the best lol).

Please don’t apologise for not being around as much as you would like. We get that you have problems and other life “things” to deal with so it’s completely understandable. Just visit when and if you feel up to it. No issues there 🙂

Your friends sound wonderful and I think it’s great that they’re looking out for you. You so deserved a day (many days, in fact) of peace and fun and I’m glad you were granted that yesterday.

Hopefully, the neck problems subside and it doesn’t worsen. The neck pain must be horrendous...

Take your time to find your way. Go gently and be extra kind to yourself.

I haven’t started ACT or Schema therapy yet but my psych said he would like to explore them with me at some point. I’ll keep you posted...

More Soul hugs and much love,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

My beautiful lovelies here so grateful for yous thankyou so much

Lol yeah learnt from the best Peps ☺ yeah thx like to know how that goes for you & what theyre about good luck hun xx

Grandy sorry I do know how it is being in limbo just occasionally withdraw but coming back I think slowly yay

Going uni hosp bought lot of memories before going too, seems silly to say cause nearly 3 yrs (soon) but more aware im not going to see him again this life, friggen hurts. I guess ya block it although you know at the same time. Sounds convoluted but how it is. Theres so much to take in & learn with grieving. Sucks but through worst. BP's downs on top nearly took me at times.

Anyway going better now than usual BP lows so its working slowly how im tackling beasty still wicked though but can only get stronger from it cause not staying this way. Just gotta find that fire again, its comin

Sincere thanks beautifuls xx

You included always Rock (Starwolf) god i miss you. Plz be ok good lady good friend. So much love for you xx🤗🤗🤗💖💖💖

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB,

Yes, I learnt from the Soul Hug Master 🙂 I’m just one of your many students...

It must have been very difficult being at the hospital. So many bittersweet memories tied to the place. I don’t think you’ll ever truly stop missing your beloved; you 2 had something truly special. Your heart must hurt so much sometimes...

It’s good to hear that you seem to be taking good care of yourself. That inner fire is still there...just needs some fanning, which I’m sure will happen when the timing is right. In the mean time, go gently...

Love,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello special DB,

No need to apologise, my anxiety gets the better of me sometimes...I'm sorry if I annoyed you, it's just that I love and care for you and I can't stop the anxiety about not knowing.

I hope you can bring your happies up you have fire lovely lady, and so much of it..I believe in you.

The fire hides like the beast, remember fire is a destroyer of just about anything , the beast as well.

Take good care of yourself, plenty of sleep, good healthy foods and you time.

Thank you again for your help, you as well Pepper.

(L&C) always.

Grandy

[demonblaster]

Ägain thankyou my lovelies, this is your soul master talking :D, well soul hug master loven it Peps
Yeah it's all bought it to the surface but was so glad friend went in with me and took me the darling
Just needing some fanning that's right, it's still there and coming back hun
How are you going?

Grandy ya gorgeous thing, thankyou, you never annoy me hun, never! love you.
Yeah liking the fire destroys everything beasty included, & yes it's coming back, big glows now
What beautiful things you said to Starts thankyou so much hun loved it.
As pathetic as this will sound you make me feel secure when you say honey and put your wings around me, we're good for eachother. Love & appreciate you lady 🙂

You're amazing thankyou for your support & friendship everyone that's been here, means a lot xx