Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[quirkywords]

just found your thread db. I am catching up. Still tired from post covid and find it difficult to find long term threads. Best wishes to everyone reading and posting. 

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB, 😺

What are you doing for yourself today?

with Hugzies, ❤️

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear DB~

I've located your thead (again:) and as you would have read in Croix Parler have been away, so I'm keen to know how you have been getting on.

So please don't be the strong silent type, let me know (and no fooling wiht my igloo in the meantime:)

Croix

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, mmMeKitty, Quirky, ecomama, Croix and everyone…🤗..

Like all your beautiful supporters/friends I’m also wondering how your travelling along these days….it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve visited you…way to long honey, but you have been in my thoughts each and everyday….I have left coming in here until I was in a better mind frame….

How amazing it would be to live a life in mania…. I wonder if it’s possible at all😁..

Did you get the results back from your surgeon?….only if you want to let us know…no pressure sweetheart….

We have council pick up this week, I’m a bit sad about doing this…I put my veranda lounge out for pick up….unfortunately we have so many feral cats around here and they left their mark on it…and we’ll it’s not pleasant to sit on anymore…to much smelly…I tried to bleach it etc. but nothing works and because it’s was nestled right near my bedroom window…I needed to do that….Now I have a couple of boring uncomfortable chairs to sit on….I will make a pillow for your one, for when you come to visit me….maybe later I’ll buy an outdoor lounge thingy for us….

Hoping so much that your feeling mentally well honey, and you and your loving Mr. Deebi are having some little walks and enjoying each other’s company, making some good happy memories….

Here for you bbff…for anything at all you feel to talk about…always will be, when I can be..with lots of deep L💙VE and gentle C🦋RE….with an abundance of w💖RM H🤗Gs…

Hugs, love and care everyone….🤗♥️🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌿🌳

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,

Please do contact BB for help with the forums…I do miss you a lot😢…and am concerned about you…puabok…

If it anything technical from the forums, they can help you…so please give them an email and ask for help…

I do hope your doing okay…the only way of knowing is here on the forums..,geez I wish it could be different though💗…

Please remember bbff…that even though we haven’t met in r/l…you have my love and care and I’ll always be here for you when I’m able to…I’m sure your other beautiful supporters/friends feel the same way….

How are you feeling honey?….please don’t stress over the BV thingy….BB do understand very much about mental health and how hard it is at time for us to do what we want to do…our hearts are very willing but sometimes our minds are not co-operating with it…

I do hope your test results were good…

It’s been very overcast here, the past few days..not much rain falling though…makes it hard to go outside and sit on the veranda without the warmth of the sun… now I have only a couple of old and very uncomfortable small outdoors chairs to sit on…I do miss my old lounge…so do my fur girls…If I can ever afford one, I’ll have to make sure it’s an outdoor lounge so I can wash it down and so when it gets rained on it won’t get that musty smell…The rain together with the wind, comes onto my veranda and sometimes even into my loungeroom if I have the front door open😂😂..even though the veranda is 7’ deep and the roof covers that 7 foot….

Sending you my best love for my bestest eva bbff…with my care and a couple of rather big squishy warm and comforting hugs🤗…💙👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐿🤗🤗🦩🦩..alway 💭 24/7365..with my 👁👁 and 👂👂..listening out for your beautiful voice..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…🕊🌱🌿🌳…🦋

Love and hugs to everyone…💗🤗

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB. [Grinning LRC]

I saw your note on Grandy's thread. explaining you are having troubles posting to BB.

[LRC sings close & low into microphone], "you are always on my mind, you are always on my mind".

I hope the problem is resolved soon.

Whether we hear from you or not, know we care. I'm hoping, if you read our messages here, we will still feel like true presences in your life, supporting you every day.

Hugzie, however you like them, even with mmMarshmallows,

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩….hi mmMeKitty and everyone…🤗..

Just wanted to wish you a good nights sleep tonight, and hope so much tomorrow is a better day for you…

Oh and to remind you that…”With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts”..

 pubaok…yadimh..24/7 and in my 💭…with lots of my love and care..💙🦩🦩..

No pressure at all to reply…..In your own time…..just hoping and praying that you’re well…..plus I wanted to leave you some 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗..in case you need them…Um we always need 🤗 s….They give us comfort and make us feel loved…🥰🥰.

Good night precious friend..🌓🌟🌟✨✨🌜🪐🌛..😵😴😴 💤 💤

Good night everyone…💗

Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

[mmMekitty]

Hey, Demonblaste, who can't be kept down, we're with you, by your side, every minute of every day - a whole team of us, supporting you.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely caring friends thanks so much for your time and support. I"m very grateful esp that I haven't been doing much posting at all lately. 

Grandy love 👩‍❤️‍👩 always beautiful seeing you and no worries at all how long it's been, I'm completely secure in our awesome fantastic friendship.

While I think to tell youse and thanks so much for everyones lovely support it was a mild skin cancer and he got it all. Healing well. 

I've been playing a lot of Mahjong have you ever tried that Grandy and everyone it's a good game, you just pair up pweddy patterns. It's quite relaxing.
Withdrawn a lot over time but ok about that. We do have social times but I'm happy not all the time. Very happy with this dear lovely Mr Deebi 😍

Oh the lease only went up $25 which isn't great but good compared to others around us. 

Ok going to shower and walk to shops soon. 

Thanks so much everyone you're very appreciated 🙂 

Grandy love you're a beautiful besty, always in my mind with so much love and care. Thankyou for being such a sweet loving besty best 💜🗯👩‍❤️‍👩👀 always love you and thanks so much everyone too 😊💖

My back finally after about 4 mths very unusual not to come good in about 2 wks, I can now sleep in bed. 

Haven't been doing a lot of excercise but will eventually get back into it just need a good rest from poor mh. I managed a few doses of anxiety/stress and challenged a fair few thoughts. 
Not long off the durries again. About a week now. 

Eco I use self talk, firm and matter of fact to pull up out of the really deep times. It works and almost feel myself pulling from deep up. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and your beautiful supporters/friends….🤗..

Thats really fantastic news to hear that they got all the skin cancer….I had a skin cancer removed of my nose a while back….I do have a funny looking nose if you really look at it….but I’ve not been one to worry about my looks….these past 9 years and it really is quite satisfying that I’m the only one to please where my looks are concerned…

I am so happy for you that you’re able to sleep in your bed…must feel really comfortable and snuggly…..Did I tell you that I have also been sleeping in bed now for the past couple of months😁…Hoping so much no more scarey dreams to trigger me back into the lounge….fingers crossed 🤞🏽….

Its okay about not posting much precious friend…yes our friendship is firm and beautiful…it’s just that I do get concerned about you after a week or so from not hearing from you….I’m sorry if I get a bit too much sometimes….just tell me if I do….

I bought some chewy treats for Destiny and Eternity….and some nice pancakes with honey drizzled over them for you and Mr. Beautiful Deebi….all ready for your breakfast tomorrow….

I hope you’re doing okay bbff….Thinking of you my sweet dear bbff…with lots of love and care…💙🦋🦜🦩🎂…and sending you some warm gentle bbff hugs..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗..

Hugs everyone…🤗🤗🤗🤗…

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..