Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

? TRIGGERS.

Thanks seems so hollow but if you guys weren't here & Rocks not 🤔😢 she was a constant like yous, GOD ROCK what's going on darl are you ok? & Peps...your support &friendship means the world. Truly thankyou in everyway girls & Rock you mean so much. 💖 to so many

There's so much I want to reply to you all but for now just need to talk thankyou & sorry.

You each have have moved me 😚🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello DB,

Awe, DB, you have nothing to be sorry about, , look after yourself first and take all the time you need to get well..

love & care for for you

🦋🌈❤️🤗🤗

GG.

[demonblaster]

BP/Status DAY 32

Another all niter last night ok but went into tiny mania again, outta tiredness & pulling up, upset rah rah balance is a biggy to work out, had some grogs wanted to get drunk night before, stupid to do but couldnt be bothered walking & $ but neighbour visited so had drinks with her last night more $ cant afford trying not to stress but really struggling but survived as gambler can now too

Yes agree Starts talking better than not. Thx asking honey ☺ xx

Rare but dont really feel like going too deep atm but working through & ok, still talking laughing but hurting hard DAMN IT, said most in other posts here & know only short time but that connection was very strong. You don't have to have long with some people for quality.

I WILL get back up & through this, harder being through down side of BP but got caught completely off guard, I know he did too. Yes Grandy if a year later & no way you could ever say the wrong thing precious. God you're so lovable xx you all rock seriously lovely good people

What does caught flat footed mean? And caught foot behind or something, cant think of exact last wording

You're awesome Maths xx thankyou too

We got eachother SHIT!! This SUX I really do empathize & get it but still kicks like a bloody muel. Really fell for him. Not bloody fair!!!

Daghhh that'll do for now.

Thx for time

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy im going bed completely zapped, hope you get good sleep hun xx

Been keeping eye on you all

Sleep well, hey they say even if you don't sleep your body still getting rest laying down, i know the head thoughts but what about after every rot one only think of your rainbow or butterfly whichever you like more, let them absorb or fly away taking stress with it. Kinda mind tricks more sorta meditation

Peace beautiful soul xx

Deep care always 🤗🤗

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB, GG, Butterfly, Mathy and all;

Firstly, for everyone who likes hugs, let’s start with a big group soul hug...

What an emotional time it has been for you, DB. i feel for you...

This man left quite an impression on you. The connection you felt must have been very special. Alas, timing sometimes isn’t always in one’s favour...sighs.

Maybe as GG and Mathy have suggested, you could try to just make the most of his company for now and not look too far ahead into the future. Granted, I realise it’s easier in theory than in practise. The heart often has a “mind” of its own after all...

I know you’re missing Starwolf. You have so much to say to her. So much you want to share with her. You really connected with her and that’s priceless.

Hey, no pressure to post or get too deep. Just whatever you’re comfortable with at any given point in time.

I hope you sleep well tonight.

More Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thx hun and again all. Very appreciated

Short time but QUALITY!! Shame unfortunate timing also for headspace but getting there 🙂

Ya know they say now days grieving has 5 stages, what you don't really here is the gambit of other emotions & of course BP on top but still all that goes on with/out MI
It's still fresh enough to understand where the poor guy is atm. Cruel/hard to go through for anyone grieving

Good sleep, not enough, lol other wise I'd cry 🙂 this took about 30/40 mins. Yeah more sleep normally takes a while but ...sigh ....type, proof delete :D, so ok mostly as long as no other doozies land.

Finally got sorted for Xmas tt Pizza lunch tomoz. That'll be good, lovely mostly the people that play here & these social times usually go well

bbl with more input on other threads & you lovelies too 🙂 Been listening & thoughts. True.

thx again for time & listening, caring all of you xx

Acronym meanings... thread in Depression ( I think)

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB and all;

Yes, you need to cry, let it out about this man. It’s horrible when timing isn’t always the best as Mathy mentioned (or was it someone else? Sorry, I’m so forgetful).I hear you, my friend...

Your Xmas lunch today sounds like fun and you seem to be looking forward to it. I know you’re a very social person so hopefully the lunch helps lift your spirit a little.

Thanks for the care and thoughts. All gratefully received.

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

As always your compassion & support so appreciated Peps darlin

Bloody shame but nothing I can do & coming to terms phew, really hurt but also hard headspace that was coping with but struggling all the same, wayyy better than usual deep dark lows but as we know makes coping with life's ouches harder.

You beautiful people here supporting & talking to lot of friends too helped a lot. Happy it didnt keep me down, getting stronger & have taken from it to try & close heart bit, not lose care for people just protect myself more & enjoy & remember the happiness i had, as someone today said it could hapoen again & as one of you darlings said think Maths it wasn't meant, I too was thinking that.

Pizza was good day, good food, after initial quietness, a couple of us keeping convo flowing soon everyone started chatting & enjoyed their time.

Had time with very good friend after, planned, loved her the second she spoke, so good catching up.

Had big talk release to MH support worker awesome bloke, we get on v.well he was good to give his time on day off (gets it on lou but didn't have to imo) helped no end & rang today to check. Lovely

Shame when I sorted this pizza day forgot id miss the fortnightly bbq's they have, everyone enjoys them but good day though.

Got couple more hrs sleep tonight with sleepers goin bed again soon

Concerned as you said out of care for you girl.

Xxxxx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Caring DB and all,

Yes, acceptance is generally not easy. Not easy at all. It must be very painful.

You have a beautiful heart. You care deeply and love deeply. Sadly, that also means hurting deeply too sometimes.

I am glad the pizza party went well and it sounds like you had a good time with some friendly people. Also quality time with your good friend must have been nice too.

That MH support worker sounds like an angel...goes above and beyond. What a lovely person.

Thank you, DB. I know you care and caring means a lot to me.

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Status:

Really doing it hard today intermittently but pushed through, seriously EVERYTHING on PC that I had to do wouldn't work or slowed me down, Yeah mood has a lot to do with it but it was all happening anyway, but did something else temporarily & went back to them & bloody presto!

"IT"s trying it's hardest to get me, and is at times, but I know it's extreme tiredness, normal with BP though pushed envelope at times, also consistent with mania but could have gone to bed.

tt tonight, got a few things done that have been nagging and dragging me down, you just know you have to do things but finding the volition to's antoher story.

Many things I've been obliged to do that stole chances of sleep even if for just a couple hrs like later in eve/night last night had a couple got back up only cause of needing tea with meds otherwise would have slept through.

I feel there's just sooo much to work through, BP side of it going well, still rough but getting there, it's the other shit to get through, working & getting there with self esteem but long way to go, being too senisitive, one stuffin comment sticks for a life time, hurts, GOD ENOUGH already, being so full on, again like trying to stop a tsunami with your hands, talking too much, frustration not being able to articulate, yeah Peps being passionate and caring hurts too.

Crying, that's ok, I know it'll come good, just feeling so overwhelmed atm.

Texted support Angel said don't worry ringing back (don't wanna take too much of his time, others need him too) he did ring back, told him he's a lifeline.

Anxiety definately in BP for me anyway but usually not in between I don't think. IT's tiredness and undealt with depression I think brings on anxiety.

All through this I've felt stength there and know I'll get through but this is good but hard too, I"m so scared now of going back into the deeps. OVer it

Gotta go

Thanks Peps x