Surviving: Being in a better place

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

 

4,867 Replies 4,867

Hi wonderful DB (and all),

You’re sounding so down. Beasty seems to have a firm hold on you at the moment, which must be absolutely horrible.

The unpredictable moods must be terrible to deal with...up and down. I bet that is so exhausting...

I’m glad socialising seems to be helping a little. Human company has its powers...

Take your time with posts and replies. If you feel like taking a break then please take it. You’ll be in our thoughts as you rest and we will patiently await your return...gentle and easy does it.

Love and super super super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

P.S. Hugs to you, Grandy and Amanda (only if you’re okay with hugs). Not sure what has happened but it sounds like maybe you both might like some hugs ❤️

Guest8901
Blue Voices Member

Dear Karen,

Thank you for explaining your thoughts about my comment on my thread about your post here regarding your goal to become a CC. I meant every word I said in that post to you on my thread, but plainly I have upset you by posting it there. I think you will find that the very same people who frequent this thread, also frequent mine. So you need have no concerns about that.

Still ... given your obviously upset about it, I have reported my post to my thread and asked the mods to remove it.

Karen, I think I understand what you are saying in your above post to me, and I am not angry with you. How could I ever be angry with you? 🌹 But I am upset, upset because you said I have caused you to plummet. And I'm deeply upset that I have so carelessly caused this by my comment on my thread. I thought it was a feel good comment, a happy comment and a wonderful goal for you to have. I never would have thought it would bring you down. In fact quite the opposite. I was trying to encourage you, I believe in you Karen.

Anyway, I'm sorry I appear to have intruded on an apparently private conversation between yourself and Deebi on this thread. I will not do so again. 💧

I have asked for the 'offending' post on my thread to be removed, but I will now place it here instead, as suggested by you as being appropriate.

Karen - Thanks, you are such a caring soul. I just read your message on Deebi's thread about having ambitions of becoming a CC. I think that's a wonderful idea, you would be perfect. Why ever would anyone laugh about that? It's a very noble goal to have, and definitely not out of your reach. Self care would be even more important in that role however - you would need to know when you need a break, when to back off, etc. Do you think you could do that? Then go for it, and best of luck to you. And thanks so much for the big squishy hugs you sent 2 night ago. Returned with grateful enthusiasm. 🤗

I'm really sorry Karen. And thanks for the sit down explanation. 🌹

Amanda 💜

Pepper - Thanks yes, I am very much okay with a hug. And very much in need of one. Thanks heaps. 🌹

Deebs - You are right, I never intended to cause any harm. I thought I was being encouraging and supportive, but that clearly was not the outcome. It appears I have intruded here on your thread, a private conversation I was not invited to take part in. I am of course deeply sorry and regretful.

Deebs, this is your thread, so it should be about you. Although admittedly there are times I get mixed up and confused as to whether I am on your thread or the lovely Karen's. I need to be more observant in future.

Really sorry to read that you (in your words) feel shit atm. If you need to take some time out, by all means do just that. You know you have many people here who care about you a great deal, and all we want is for you to be okay. So you need to do what you can to ensure that's the case. Please take care and get back to us when you can.

Much love and kind thoughts.

Mandy

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Deebi , and Amanda and everyone..

Amanda I really am sorry.

It wasn't a private conversation. I'm sorry you think that, It's just that I have always kept conversations on the thread they were posted on...

Im also sorry, that I'm on Deebi's thread to much that I have confused you to who's thread your on...I will just keep to my thread from now on.. sorry everyone..Ive caused so much conflict..I really am.

Love you always Deebi..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹💜..Grandy...

Deebi 🌹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Deebi,

I know I said I will keep away from your thread, I can see I am on here to much..but it's just that I love and care for you and that I like to talk to you....I can't talk to others like I can you... but I also need to apologise to you for making a mess of your thread.. please can you just disregard the posts between me and Amanda, you are down and not well, and you didn't need any of this...

Please remember to tell beasty to Get...lost...get..out..and shoo...Please be okay..💜.... [IT] xx. can only be as strong as you let [IT]xx be..... your stronger hun..I'll hold your hand from my thread,,,lol I have stretchable arms...😢...

I will be 👀 and 👂..I hope so much that you are and will be okay...

Please if you can't answer remember our emojis..

I'll just quietly sit here with you for as long as you want me to...

Love you Deebi..💜

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜Grandy..

Birdy77
Blue Voices Member

Dear Deebs ❤

I am so sorry to hear you in such a hurting place right now.

I just want you to know how much I am thinking of you and sending love and light your way. Thank you for your beautiful thoughts for me last week ... your lovely soul is truly special.

Please be so incredibly gentle with yourself during this time. You will get through it, you have been through it before, we are all cheering for you and your ever expanding fan club sends massive love.

🌻birdy

Ggrand
Community Champion
Good Night Deebi..

🦄 💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹

👀&👂 & 🤝..

Please be okay...I'm still sitting with you...always

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

I'm ok and will be.

Thanks for caring and your support everyone

DB ❤ 🌼 🍫 🤗

Ggrand
Community Champion
Deebi, Thank you for letting us know..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦄💜🌹🔥🤗👼