Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Lost a post

⚘ knowing you're allways here is an incredible comfort. I'm listening and deeply moved by you caring people. Thank you 💗

Peps 🤗 Thanks for what you said ☺ I see you around and like what you say. Gunna take a while on that one. Crushed. I'll get there just atm I've gotta get through this it goes so deep, not all the time and I've got reserves. All the other stuff has to go on the backburner tho of course thoughts. Want to get back to you on some things you said elsewhere. Laters

Pam go for it huns you've got more to do, love seeing you around. Always appreciate your words and you 🤗 I feel connected to you too.

Grandy were you safe to drive? Good you followed your feelings you may have gone furthur down if you stayed put and you're with your good brother he sounds like he looks out for you Grandy I'm glad. Poor thing hope you were treated well in hospital. You're safe now Grandy maybe you can stay a while to pick up. Love. I'm with you just words hard/er atm 🤗💜💗 be ok G lovey x

Wolfy you said once you read. I'll find that post of yours love it and everything you say. You have a very comforting presence. Glad we met. I follow your thread ☺

Phoo this isn't an easy one but been here and worse how often before and the last 3 were better but still rough at times. SO much sleep need SO much more.

Ty (thank you

Take care everyone

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB (and a wave to all),

Take your time with things. It sounds like maybe rest is needed for now. Gentle and easy does it.

Love and super soul hugs,

Pepper* xoxo

*Super Soul Hug Apprentice

[demonblaster]

Thank you Peps 🤗 hope you're having good days

[demonblaster]

BP day 14 seems like an eternity

Pffftt, pits but not all the time. Got reserves so will get through as long as it doesnt drop lower.

A few anxiety attacks caught them just in time with REBT and sometimes just breathing. The head where it goes it's SO hard to explain.

Not travelling well crying a lot unhappy about lot of things. Down on myself for bloody good reasons but this doesnt need reasons, it's very scarce the times they've been lighter.

I get acceptance now its just so damned frightening being in this head space I'm terrified of going that one step lower which is the last stop. At least in this heavy space

Can pull up, just IT stops me from wanting to

Not wanting to leave. Some thoughts but not want.

Can't do much. Said it before it's like a force stops you.

GP today

Arm/neck/shoulder still intermittently hurting.. joy..lifes peachy 😩☹😓😢😭😟 and sometimes 🙂

Daghh Soooo soooo sooooooo over it!!

How is it that a part of us wants to destroy us ..what the...

[Ggrand]

Awe. Deebi, I'm sorry honey, I'm not here for you..Holding you..miss you..Love you deep..Please be okay..?👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🦄..

Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🕊

[Guest8901]

So sorry. I know you will get through this latest BP low, as you always do.

Always thinking of, and watching over you. You are a beautiful person, and I feel incredibly lucky to have crossed your path as I have.

Hugs

Mandy

👀 💕

[demonblaster]

Thanks Grandy 🤗 I miss you that won't change.i know, our head space makes it near impossible to get words out and you're in such a hard place and you support a lot of people you're such a beautiful person. Just keep loving me without ,obligation cause I said I do you. Deebi & DB, touched me ☺ thank you. I just hope we don't drift apart eventually 😢 Hope you're a bit brighter with your brother 💜 🤝 💑 Do love you 😚

Mandy you too with so much going on in your life and you come and support others, what amazing people, thank you for what you said I too am very happy we met. I'm not sure I've been around so many good people giving so much support and understanding in one place ever!..and I consider myself lucky compared to so many but no damned picnic either. Hope you're having a better day lovely 🤗

Saw lovely GP today I didn't think it was heart and not looking like it or CSF stuff but it will be heart if I don't stop binge eating, apart from psych reasons taste greed I think its exhaustion too our bodies looking for energy and ohh baby I'm obliging, I'll get it off again and more when I'm back to ..cough.."normal" way too far and few now it seems.

Anyway starting to come back up going back sleep soon and few more big day sleeps as well should be right again.

Not sure if I can leave here as such for a break even, I'll tackle that later but in the mean time I've slightly lessened posting, that's another biggy to get through but I'll get strong again first, not think atm bout other downs cause I'll sink again. Hards not enough of a word. Hells supposedly the worst place to be, too often I can honestly say there's worse. Was there a few times like the other bad ones. The rest is hell but I realised this one we have to allow the light in even if it's only for a few seconds. It closes in severely

dahh spoke on a few things with GP think I forgot to pick up blood test request to check if its just BP exhaustion or other reasons, heard people talking about other causes. Mind you it's always been like this. I know of a couple of reasons for downs but not much comes close to BP downs. Other things they can be unsettling but probably moreso physical pain and working through being alone kind of, grieving still mostly ok and adjusting to a new single existance it's crappo yet don't mind my space at times might be starting to like myself more 😲 NOT when IT beasty visits.

Note to self Peps deep talking/ tony triggers

Thanks listening ☺

[startingnew]

DB xoxoxoxox

[demonblaster]

Dear Sapphire hey darl thanks so much for popping in always lovely to see you ☺

Thank you please don't feel bad not coming here I really do understand how it is for you, I've heard you say reasons you have difficulties posting with MH and other reasons. It' so rare I'm quiet on saying that lol here a bit I am, as much as I need and want to talk in the deeps it's nearly impossible yet that's when I'm scared and can't reach out but do.

I don't go to your thread unless your talking cause I wasn't sure in this section if we can but clearly its ok. My misunderstanding. Anyhoo know I do care very much about you ☺

Thanks re neck shoulder arm I'm so relieved lol that GP isnt thinking atm to needle neck I've heard they're VERY painful and seen them done to late partner in different area. Nah thanks lol but there's side affects too and because it's trying to heal and I can handle this pain (would prefer meds but scared of addiction)

Magic that was a piece of Desiderata back a few posts if you're interested. My bible kind of. Blows me away. Glad it helped hun ☺

You're a survivor Sapphire that's a major strength in itself 🤗

Ongoing PC probs I think I know now what particular thing to do as opposed to another but its so complicated, a friends when he can helping me with that its been a nightmare for long time. When thats sorted I'll be SO happy.

So I'll catch up later with threads tho still look back at times and try and slowly catch up with current ones be easier. I can't leave here permanently there's so many plusses for me and for respect to bb and SO many people supporting me, jeesh even a breaks difficult lol. I'll get there. Good incentives too,

Peace good people 🐣

Im so sorry i havent been here lately. I just couldn't come on. My problem.

I not good to hear that your going through a rough time and that your neck has flared up again. It makes me sad to see you in pain.

I really liked this quote "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should." Something i needed to hear.

Ive missed you in my time of absence and thought about you alot. Sorry i had to take time out.

❤Sapphire

[Ggrand]

Deebi, Please don't drift away from me..I trust you so much..Missing our time it's hurting me..I'm really sorry Deebi...I do love you unconditionally..I'm so really sorry I'm not more of a better person..Hate it when the right words don't come..💜🦄💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🤗..