Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I fell asleep with the wet towel, it helped, thank you for the reminder, lol I forgot.. Migraine not really intense as yet, maybe you helped the intensness by you reminding me of cool towel...thank you 🦄 ok I came up for some ice water, then back into a dark room. The light not a fan atm..soft music is playing, sounds of the ocean so peaceful.

Deebi, honey it's really not good to spend your days in bed, laying down will add to the pressure on your shoulder, even if you just potter around your home to move your body a little is good for you...can you please try,,,but gently..

I will be okay, Deebi, just a sore head atm....lol sorehead.

Please be a good girl and look after yourself..hopefully bbl..

Love you Deebi..

Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Reply not landed yet Croix, thank you again for your time ☺

Back atcha SLD I'm keeping an eye on you and the other loves 🤗😚

Ahh dear Grandy 🤗 you've had a really hard month and you were so brave talking about parts of your life, thankyou for trusting us and opening up, hate your life till now cause you have so much like/love and care which is what you deserve dear friend.

Thank you for staying by my side you're such a beautiful loving soul

Geez I so hope your poor head settles poor darling, you're welcome re cold towel I've mentioned that to others here, good on you ☺

Now I'm gently but firmly working on your base of head and shoulders, you're feeling the tension release and feeling a soft healing warmth replacing pain which is leaving your body. Your mind is clear you're completely relaxed now and going to have a lovely calm rest free of pain feeling complete peace. Just as you close your eyes your good girl ☺Deebi honey tells you she loves you very much and wishes only good for you. She gently places ⚘by your head and whispers peace and🦄

Please be ok you beautiful soul. Don't like you being unwell in any way. Thank you for your love, time and effort. Be ok precious 😚💜

Thank you everyone 💓

[demonblaster]

Hey darls couple replies not through yet 💗

[Ggrand]

Good Night Deebi,

I hope you have a deep sleep and some really sweet relaxing dreams..

sitting with you tonight, looking after you. Please be okay, I will help you find yourself, we can and will work this out..

Deebi, thank you for your beautiful post, while I was reading it I really did feel your warmth, it really relaxed and calmed me.. I. Going to read it again and try to go to sleep with it on. You are a beautiful person honey, Heart of Gold..Thank you 💜.

Love you Deebi,

L&C.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[startingnew]

Thanks SL and im keeping an eye on you too ❤❤

[demonblaster]

Hey sweets how's your poor head today 🤗😚

Thank you dear friend dah nah up at 2am took pills it seems when I lay on R) side same now hurting. Gunna be a while for this to heal blow it.

You're very welcome hun ☺ so glad you felt it jyst like I do with your amazing stories I read it again and will in future LOVE em. You're very good ya know Grandy with the written word, you speak from that special place deep within, your beautiful. Love you lady 💑 🦄 💗 🤝 ⚘ 💜 really hope your heads settling.

SLD hi sweet thing geez hope your fingers are ok struth what ya doin to yourself girl OUCHY. I'm with you Starts, always close by darling and you know I care very much 🤗😚

Going back bed soon was up a long while this morn was hoping to shake the pain but nah

Nigh night 💖 thanks for your care/love ⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Wow I think and hope it's peaked today, 🤕😥.so sore,..Thank you so very much for caring it really helps... I hope your arm/shoulder is a little better then last night..pain who wants it...not us...

will take another one of your massages from previous post and lay down again...Love you Deebi, please be okay..

Really I need to help you, to know you are needed here. Your so special to so many people..

Love you Deebi,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Agh poor thing don't like you being crook lovey. They pull you down don't they headaches let alone migraines. Sorry for your pain. Just read your last entries in grounding good on you cant remember which helps for headaches. Don't forget your cool towel sweets. Please be ok Grandy precious and thanks for being you and caring. Been wondering how you are.

Blaghh sleeping lot today pain meds knock me. Sore, yes it seems when its aggravated G that it doesnt like me being in bed. Hurting Grandy. God wanna go back to sleep

Not depressed, that day of crying other day really cleansed then was ok when stayed with friend. Just wanna get that spark back I was at a turning point and started to do things, was so happy.

Love you Grandy 💑 💜 😚 long souls 🤗

Look after your head dear friend 🤕💖

Got this at shops, haven't left home today 🎁it's special only for your head, shake it twice and breath in deep before reading your head massage ok⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Geez honey I wish I could take away your pain, I admire your resilience, it must be so hard to be in pain for so long..I woke up a little better just now..So hoping it's on it's way out. I hope you got back to sleep, it's hard for you when bed hurt and recliner hurts..I'm really so very sorry, I mean that from my heart...please honey be okay...I need you..

I am very gently massaging your shoulder with a cool soft as the clouds cloth, rubbing it with a mild eucalyptus oil, ever so gently massaging your shoulders...now heading down to your arms...smell the fresh eucalyptus oil, it's clearing your head....now just my hands are gently massaging your head...now lean on me honey and close your eyes because the eucalyptus oil is making you sleepy with the freshness of aroma...I have put sounds of the ocean on..listen to the waves as they crash on the beach...the sea gulls fling over...the sound of the breeze all against the waves breaking on the sand bank....now I'm back to your shoulders..but your so very tired now..you are slowly drifting off to a magical deep pain free sleep...

I loved your present, it made me sleep deep, and I so hope this darn margarine is starting to leave me now.....

Sleep well sweet Deebi, Love you so much..please Deebi remember you are a special, kind, compassionate person, and you have eloped so many people here on BB..especially me..I'll be eternally grateful I have met you.. Thank you..

Love and Care.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy

[Ggrand]

Oh no.. silly auto correct..

it should have read...you Have helped so many people etc..

lol...I can double the the love you now..💜

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.